11 Weeks - Progesterone Freak Out

Ugh. I'm having a bit of a freak out over progesterone. As I've mentioned, I had a natural FET with this baby. This means no estrogen priming, so no hyperovulaton to leave behind lots of corpus luteum cysts to produce progesterone.  Just one, naturally ovulated egg. I also skipped progesterone in oil, which is easily measured in the blood stream and greatly increases progesterone levels. For me, it's been just Endometrin suppositories which don’t show up in your labs since it's absorbed directly by the uterus.

My progesterone has been increasing pretty consistently at a "low normal level" as my pregnancy progresses, which the RE has been happy with since the transfer was natural. With PIO, they'd be looking for levels over 20 early on and a big jump when the placenta takes over. As you can see, the biggest bump I've had was 16.6 a couple hours after I'd put my progesterone in.

I am supposed to be weaning off the Endometrin since I'm 11 weeks today but my labs at 10w5d showed my progesterone was only 15.4. I would have thought that my placenta would have taken over and be producing progesterone on it’s own by now, but it’s not making the jump. The RE isn’t super concerned since this is still technically the lowest side of normal and my estrogen is increasing, but I am freaking out. There's all sorts of studies suggesting that "91% of pregnancies with progesterone lower than 15 ng/ml will end in miscarriage" (source) and "Average progesterone in pregnancies that miscarry is 14 ng/ml; in healthy pregnancy: 32 ng/ml" (source). I'm terrified that my levels are low enough to endanger our otherwise perfectly healthy baby.

I know some women just have lower progesterone but I don’t feel ready to stop the Endometrin without a real increase.  I only have 1 day of Endometrin left and I just don't feel good about stopping. 

10 Weeks - Bumpin'

I know some women get through early pregnancy without showing, but apparently I am not one of them. I don't know how much of it is Endometrin bloating, or normal pregnancy bloating, all my organs being squished upwards, or just my body being thrilled to finally be pregnant. Either way, my belly has just exploded.

Bam! Baby Bump :)

Granted, I was pretty bloated from the Endometrin before the transfer, and as you can also see, I've put on some major poundage since starting the whole infertility process. But I can't suck this in and I'm pretty sure that bloating is supposed to change day by day and morning to evening, mine doesn't go down, just consistently gets bigger. This baby clearly doesn't want to stay incognito.

Our plan was to wait until after the anatomy scan to begin announcing our pregnancy but with my belly this big at only 10 weeks, who knows what I'll look like at 20 weeks. E is convinced I'm going to be the size of a house and I think he might be right. I don't mind being big already, I love having visual proof that baby is doing what they're supposed to in there, but it is making for some awkward looks from people. Everyone has been too polite to ask anything outright but this little bean is pretty noticable.

As far as the rest of pregnancy is going, my nausea is letting up a bit for which I am so, so grateful. I haven't thrown up in a week now and the constant queasy feeling is ebbing. Unfortunately, in it's place, the heartburn is coming back with a vengeance so tums are my permanent best friend.

Our next opportunity to check in on bean isn't until just before 12 weeks, so in the meantime I'm trying to remind myself that everything is okay, my belly is clearly growing so bean must be growing, even if I can't see them on ultrasound every week.

9 Weeks - Already Dancing

Today marks our official graduation from the fertility clinic! It seems surreal, trying to get pregnant, IUIs, IVF, infertility, it's all consumed our lives for the past 3 years. I can't believe we get to move forward with a real, healthy baby dancing around in my belly.

And boy are they dancing. The ultrasound tech kept having to readjust the cursor to monitor their heartbeat because they kept wiggling around and dancing away. I know it's still a long way off, but I can't wait until they're big enough to feel movement.

As part of our graduation from the clinic, Dr. D gave us copies of all my OB information and our genetics report with our embryo testing data. It turns out that we got one healthy embryo from each cycle and the one I'm currently carrying came from our second cycle, the one we thought had been a bust. All three of our affected embryos were the same gender and came from our first cycle, and our monosomy embie, who is missing part of chromosome 7, came from the second cycle. Knowing this, I'm more grateful than ever that we were able to do two cycles, this little bean wouldn't be here otherwise.

A little gift from the clinic for good luck :)

My labwork also came in from yesterdays Kaiser blood draw and my estrogen, 1565, is high enough that I'm able to stop the Estradiol pills. It is still too early for my placenta to be making tons of progesterone though so they're going to keep me on Endometrin for now. It was 16.9 which is perfect for a natural cycle, but some extra support can't hurt and I've got almost two boxes left anyway. This is pretty much the outcome I was expecting and I'm thrilled that I get to stop the Estradiol, it was making me kind of light headed and made my nausea much worse in the mornings.

Our next appointment is at Kaiser with a doctor we haven't met yet and won't be until 11 weeks 5 days. Waiting that long is going to be so tough after getting used to seeing little bean every week. I can only hope they keep growing and dancing right on schedule and that my nerves can be patient in the meantime.

6 weeks 4 days - Morning Sickness

It has begun! I've been feeling queasy for a couple of days but today was the first day I actually threw up. I woke up feeling nauseous and was just getting out the crackers to see if nibbling helped when I had to run for the bathroom. It seemed to be entirely bile but my big worry is the medication - I take my estradiol, aspirin, prenatal, and probiotic first thing since the Estradiol is time sensitive and taken every 12 hours. If I throw up the medication, which I'm not even sure how I'd track since it dissolves so quickly, do I need to repeat the dose?

(Source)

I called the nurse to ask and she said I'd need to repeat my lab work at the end of the week to see if my numbers are falling. It's not helpful if I throw up 15 minutes after taking my pills but we don't want to overdose since estrogen is a powerful hormone. I know 80% of women get morning sickness but my clinic seems to be a bit fussier about it. They asked me to try preggie pops and call back in 48 hours to report on the puking, which I hopefully will not be repeating.

Still, it's a small, welcome price to pay to have this little embie on board :) Anything for this little bean!

13dp5/6dt - Woah Beta!

This mornings beta looked just fabulous! I was hoping for at least 800 with an optimistic 1200 but my HCG is officially 1642! Go little over achiever, go! My hormone levels looked good too, estrogen is 247 and progesterone is 24, and that's with just Endometrin, no progesterone in oil. Not bad for a natural transfer with no PIO!

I will never tire of peeing on these sticks #newhobby

The next check in is Saturday when they'll do another set of labs. The only bummer is that we've now officially completed our FET cycle so everything is charged by appointment again. Today's labs ran me $450 for HCG, progesterone and estrogen from today, and the Estrogen and Progesterone they added on to my last beta and forgot to charge me for. Going forward, that makes a regular appointment with labs and an ultrasound about $610 EACH time. Ouch. Still though, it's a really good problem to have. I'm going to see if I can have my labs run at Kaiser instead of the clinic since they'll cover 100% of them as part of my prenatal care.

As far as our ultrasound, it looks like we're going to have to wait a bit longer to take a peak at our embie baby. I had originally been told by a tech that we'd have one ultrasound at 5 weeks to confirm an intrauterine pregnancy and another between 6-7 weeks to measure the fetal pole, check out the yolk sac and maybe even see a heartbeat. Today the nurse said I'd have just the labs at the end of this week and then an ultrasound at around 6 weeks so it looks like we're skipping the 5 week one. I know it saves us a little money but it's a whooooole week longer I have to wait to lay eyes on this bub. It's crazy how we've been waiting so long for this and now 2 weeks seems like a lifetime away!

10dp5/6dt - First Beta!

E and I went in for our first beta this morning! It was really quick, although it's usually busy on Fridays, the place was practically empty and there was no line for labs. We hopped on the road shortly thereafter and headed for San Diego with our nurse's promise that we'd get called with the beta results by the afternoon.

We were waiting and waiting and it was sometime after I'd made E stop so I could pee that we finally got the call.

Our first beta is positive! My HCG is 400!

I was hoping for/expecting a positive beta given our home tests, but 400 completely blew me away. So many of my fellow IVF/FET ladies have numbers around 100-200 so I was definitely not expecting 400. Wow, we clearly have a little over achiever nice and cozy in there.

Our next beta is Monday since we'll still be out of town on Sunday. Dr. D wasn't concerned about the extra day, he said they often worry when a first beta comes in at 20 or 30, but at 400 he expects things to progress well. We'll confirm doubling time on Monday and then, fingers crossed, have our first ultrasound two weeks later. Each step is like a weight off my shoulders, another positive sign that our little embie is sticking things out. And as a bonus, if all looks good and my estrogen and progesterone are holding up well at our ultrasound, they can start weaning me off the Estrace and Endometrin early!

Now that it's evening and the positive is soaking in, E has gone off to work the game and I'm settled comfortably into our hotel. They upgraded us from a standard room to a one bedroom suite so I have my pick of the bed, two arm chairs or a large, squishy couch. It's a good thing too, I haven't done much today but I think I could use a nap.

View from the couch :)

And before I forget, I gave the CozyFolk liner a try today and it is so, so comfortable. I don't know how the edges would hold up to blood, but they're so soft and just blend right in to your undies. Definite thumbs up.

9dp5/6dt - Still two lines!

I tested again this morning with another crappy old cheapie since the tests that bestie mailed still haven't arrived. One package has literally been sitting and collecting dust in my local FedEx office but they won't let me go pick it up. Super annoyed with FedEx right now. Even though yesterdays tests were positive, I think I held my breath from the appearance of the control line to the moment the second line popped up. It still feels surreal, though I'm doing my best to enjoy it in the here and now.

The lines look purple because I took the photo after the tests were dry. I think the lines are getting darker!

I also received my cloth pad order from Cozy Folk! I took a chance and ordered a couple postpartum/overnight sized pads along with my liners, telling myself that I could always use them just as overnight pads. If all continues to go well, I'll actually get to use them postpartum :) I bought two 14" heavies and two 12" moderates. The colors and patterns are super bright and adorable but her design is something I've never seen before!

Two 14" on the left, two 12" on the right

I'm not sure if you can tell because I snapped these photos quickly but her pads are backed in Wind Pro fleece with a raw edge. The backing extends past the core as it does in most pads, but instead of continuing the absorbent top material to the edge, she finishes the top fabric edges a couple cms in from the backing edges. I think this is done to prevent leaking off the edge, the backing fabric is water resistant so it won't absorb any liquid, although the single layer around the edges feels somewhat flimsy and floppy compared to the double layers on other pads. In theory, I think liquid will bead and head towards the core and the soft edges will probably be pretty comfortable.

For liners, I decided to try minky, which is especially stain resistant, because I ordered them before I started the Endometrin. I think they'll be just fine and comfy but my plain cotton topped liners have actually been the best for Endometrin thus far. As it dissolves, the pill comes out as a sort of chalky, powdery paste that gets caught in the fibers of longer fabrics but rinses easily off plain, flat cotton. I actually prefer the flannel for my period, but thus far the smooth cotton fabrics win for suppositories. I'll have to see how the minky does tomorrow.

Sorry for the crappy photo!

More importantly, tomorrow is my first official beta! I've been trying to keep my mind off of it so I stay relaxed but it's much easier said than done. I'm not really nervous, but I feel like I'm filled with restless energy. I keep sitting down and then popping back up and I can't seem to settle down.  Unfortunately, walking around a lot seems to give me more little cramps so I feel reluctant to get it out by taking the dog for a walk or something similar.  I might try packing since E and I are heading to San Diego for a couple days for E's work. I'm hoping relaxing in the hotel will be a nice distraction to waiting for my levels to rise for the next anticipated beta on Monday. Or I could end up pacing the room, sitting down and popping back up just like I'm doing here. When does it stop? When my betas rise correctly? When we see a heartbeat? When we get to 12 weeks? When do I relax, or do you never really relax after IVF?

7dp5/6dt - Spotting Vanished!

Yesterday, even though I know it's normal, the pink spotting was really freaking me the fuck out. It finally, mercifully, stopped after a little over an hour, and I haven't seen even the tiniest trace of it since although I'm still holding my breath every time I pee. I know logically that since it was pink, it was probably from my cervix which has to be supremely pissed off from all the progesterone I've been shoving up there.

The blood was also somewhat streaky, meaning there's a good chance it could be implantation bleeding, a small bleed from the embryo burrowing into the uterine lining and shoving some aside as it gets cozy. You usually get implantation bleeding about 10-14 days after conception, although it's a little different with IVF. I got my spotting 12 days after ovulation, which fits perfectly into that window had we conceived naturally, 6 days after we put our embryo back. If it is implantation bleeding, it could also have been from a couple days before and it just took a little while to make it's way out.

I wasn't going to post a photo because Ewww but then while I was googling implantation bleeding photos for several hours last night I found myself increasingly frustrated that more people hadn't posted their own gross photos. How could I compare my spotting if no one shared theirs?? Did my spotting look normal? Did someone else experience the same thing and have a healthy baby in there? I needed answers! The few people who did post photos, usually on message boards, didn't update the same thread with the outcome which was incredibly obnoxious. So, I decided after much thought to go ahead and post my photo, for the next person out there googling implantation bleeding and freaking out. I promise you I'll update when it turns out that this was implantation bleeding and I have a healthy little fighter in there.

Still, it is a little TMI for many people, so I'm going to post it after the jump so no one gets their sensibilities offended. If you don't want to see blood on a tissue, DO NOT proceed.

6dp5/6dt - Spotting and Cramping

Today, on my way home from acupuncture, I started to experience some mild cramping. It isn't awful but it is more cramping than I've had this whole cycle. I was hoping it was just uterine growing pains until I got home, peed, and noticed pink spotting.

I freaked out, wiped again, and to my great dismay, there was more. I know spotting is extremely common, some crazy high number like 90% of women on vaginal progesterone experience spotting, but that doesn't make it less scary. My only consolation is that the spotting was definitely pink, which is most often implantation spotting or cervical bleeding, usually due to irritation from the Endometrin. Brown spotting is old blood, not worrying, and red blood is obviously concerning since it's usually a period, miscarriage or sub-chronic hematoma.

As long as the bleeding doesn't turn red, I think we're still in the game. My beta isn't until the end of the week and it's only Monday, my nerves might not last until then if this keeps up. I'm hoping with everything that this is implantation bleeding and cramping from our embryo getting good and cozy and not my period trying to break through.

Please, please stick baby. Please, please, please! I'm back in bed drinking tons of water per my acupuncturist and am going to have to take it easy for the rest of the week. Come on baby, you have to stick!

4dp5/6dt - Out of the house

After four days at home, I finally journeyed outside the house today! I went to work at a client's house for a few hours, so not super exciting but still something interesting. It wasn't bad, but my tummy did start to feel tender and kind of sensitive towards the end - it's not in my stomach like a digestive upset, but in my physical belly. I don't want things touching it or pressing against it.

That brings our progesterone symptoms to:

• Tender, sensitive tummy
• Twinges, pokes and little cramps
• Minor hormonalness
• Hunger, I wake up hungry every morning
• Thirst
• Major bloating, my belly is huuuuuge
• Heartburn?

There are probably a few I'm not thinking of since I'm pretty tired, (haha I should add exhaustion to the list) but none are coming to mind at the moment. I'm going to try another little outing tomorrow, some walking around for a couple hours, and see how that goes. Our little embryo should be nice and cozy now and I'm still on the fence about whether I should test early or not. If I test early and it's negative, that will be devastating, but  if  when it's positive I will get to see a positive pregnancy test for the first time ever. It's a tough call.

2dp5/6dt - Antsy Already

Today I am still sitting in bed. Sitting and trying to distract myself from thoughts of embryos and implantation with cheesy cable movies and HGTV reruns. Every so often, between episodes of House Hunters and You've Got Mail, I try one of those visualization techniques where I picture the embryo implanting and establishing a good blood supply. Burrow in deep little embie.

Right now, there's hopefully a whole combination of things going on to adhere our embie to my uterine wall. The first step, the attachment, occurs when the outer cells of our blast attach to my endometrium, or the first layers of the uterine lining sometime around 6-10 days after ovulation. The lining sort of swells up to meet the embryo and the embryo coasts down the uterine wall to the best spot. Once they're adhered in place, the embie releases enzymes that break down the the cells of my lining to let the embie into my uterine wall where they'll begin exchanging hormones and start the early development of the placenta.

(Source)

A lot of women have pink or brown spotting around this time that they usually refer to as implantation bleeding. Sometimes that makes sense if it's 6-10 days after ovulation, but other times it doesn't really line up which makes me think it could also be cervical irritation from the vaginal progesterone so many IVF patients are on. I haven't had any spotting yet but believe me, I'm looking out for it just in case. We're right in that implantation window and with all the twinges and tiny cramps I'm feeling, I'd love some insight as to what's going on in there!

1dp5/6dt - R&R

Today is the first day after our transfer or 1 day post 5 day transfer. After transfer I received two sets of instructions - one from Dr. D and one from my acupuncturist S. Dr. D recommends 48 hours of bed rest post transfer, not super strict but definitely stay home and chill in bed. S's advice was actually more cautious, she wants her patients to have 4 full days off during which they're supposed to stay home and relax. For me, not only does this mean I'm home in bed, it also means Milou misses both of her classes and her vet appointment. Poor little lady, but there isn't anything I wouldn't do to help this embie stick.

I was feeling pretty normal for progesterone, hungry, bloated and almost a little crampy, until this afternoon when something randomly upset my stomach. I have no idea what it was, I'm not on any new medication nor have I eaten anything different, but I was stuck in the bathroom feeling miserable for an hour. I'm really hoping my embie is still nice and safe in there, in theory an upset stomach shouldn't effect them but I still worry. It's probably just the hormones and the juice I drank with a little anxiety mixed in.

In good news, I'm happy to report that my cloth pantyliners are holding up spectacularly to the Endometrin. I was worried it would stain them because it dissolves into a chalky paste but each one has washed completely clean on the first water rinse. I haven't had to soak a single one, just a little soap and hand wash if I need it straight away, or a rinse and toss in the washing machine if I can wait. I'm really impressed with them, they've been so much more comfortable than disposables, I'm so, so glad I made the switch, I can't imagine wearing disposables and getting hives for the next 12 weeks!

So ready for our frostie baby

This time tomorrow, I will be Officially Pregnant (until proven otherwise). There will be an actual, live embryo getting cozy in my uterus, settling in for the next 40ish weeks. After almost three years of trying, I am so excited and so ready that I feel like I might burst.

My pre-transfer protocol began this morning with the last of my Z-Pack, my estrace, aspirin and vitamins. I ran the last of the errands I'm going to be allowed to run for the next 4 days and then had a wonderful, relaxing acupuncture session to increase the blood flow to my uterus. Although she forgot to tell me the day before, my acupuncturist S also recommends a massage the day before transfer to completely relax the muscles. This sounded wonderful of course, who doesn't love a massage, but they usually require a bit more advanced notice than 20 minutes to book.

So, after leaving acupuncture, I called my mother in law to see if she could get me in for a massage at her regular place. Most of the places near me require at least a days notice but her place is unusually  flexible. To my great delight, they were able to squeeze us both in at a moments notice and I spent a glorious hour getting rubbed and stroked by a deceptively strong little woman. I hadn't realized I was in need of a massage until she dug her elbows into my shoulders and pressed the small of my back. Holy Ow. After being waved out of the massage clinic, hair all over the place and a tiny Thai woman telling me something about my face (perhaps that I needed water?) we capped off the evening with some delicious Italian food.

The next step begins tomorrow at 8am when I take the first of two Naproxen, along with my usual estrace and aspirin. I skip the Endometrin until after the transfer, so I'll probably bring that to the appointment with me. I follow that up with breakfast and at least a liter of water between 9 and 9:30am to ensure that I have a super full bladder for the transfer. The fuller my bladder is, the more it presses my uterus into an optimal position. Finally, we check in at 10am for our 10:30 transfer and I get to bring our little embryo home.

Everything is lining up perfectly. E and I are so ready for this frostie to be our baby. This IS going to be our baby.

Progester-Woah!

I went in for my progesterone draw this morning, fingers crossed that my progesterone decided to climb, at least a little. We had to go in early since the lab closes by 9:30am on Saturdays and I was moving extra slowly from the lingering shadow of a migraine. I had a feeling some head aches would be forthcoming from the hormones I started yesterday and they certainly didn't disappoint. After this many medicated cycles, it's pretty much a guarantee that high estrogen and progesterone will give me at least one migraine within the first 12 hours.

Still, I made it there in time and was finished with the draw in just a few minutes. I had gotten home, put in a new Endometrin and changed my pad (ew - I got lucky yesterday with a clean pad but last nights pill pretty much dissolved and fell out this morning. GROSS) and started prepping breakfast when the phone rang with results.

By today, they're looking for your progesterone to be 8 or above. Since mine was only 1.5 when they were looking for 2.0, I was a little worried it might still be low but all that anxiety, and the chocolate bunny head I ate, were for nothing! The nurse immediately said my progesterone looks great and told me my level was 15 today! This officially clears us for our Tuesday transfer and we're now just waiting on the lab to assign us our official time. Only 3 days to go until our frostie is home!

Gratuitous photo of Milou that a fellow agility student took today. Look at my lady rocking that tire :)

Endometrin Again

Today's appointment was a quick one, just a single vial blood draw to check out my progesterone levels. Unfortunately, it looks like my numbers are just a tad low, they like to see a level around 2.0 and mine was only 1.5. This isn't a setback though, it just means it's time to start my Estrace and Endometrin as scheduled to boost it up a bit. It is rising as it's supposed to, it went from 0.7 to 1.5 with ovulation and since I haven't taken any hormones until now, that was entirely on my own steam.

 Still, it's time for a little extra support so as soon as I hung up the phone with the nurse, I swallowed my Estrace and popped in an Endometrin tablet and snapped on cloth panty liner. Then I rushed off to acupuncture for my weekly needles and nap session. I'm gearing up for the transfer with S as well, I did my last regular heat clearing and energy moving session today and will see her again Monday where she'll prep me for the embryo by improving blood flow to my uterus.  I'll be seeing her or her associate D on Tuesday after the transfer as well to help our little frostie stick.

Please don't kill my panty liners Endometrin...

Since this little babe IS going to stick and I'm going to be taking Endometrin for the next 10-12 weeks, I'm curious to see how my liners hold up to the assault. I'm trying out an all cotton flannel liner today and I'm thinking I might strip it with dish soap or something similarly grease cutting afterward, just to prevent any of the medication medium from affecting the absorbancy of the fabric.

My next check in is tomorrow to see how much my progesterone has gone up in 24 hours. My poor little arm, the tech can still only draw from one vein so it's taking a lot of abuse. This brings the FET calendar to two more days of Medrol, three more days of the Z-Pack and aspirin, and hopefully 10-12 more weeks of the Endometrin and Estrace to look forward to.

O is a Go!

More good news from this mornings appointment! It looks like my LH is surging right on time - it was 6 yesterday and jumped to 13.8 today so I am definitely ovulating. Estrogen was up to 219,  my progesterone was 0.7 so it should be getting ready to rise and my lining was nice and thick. This gives us a tentative transfer date of next Tuesday, the day after E's birthday. I should really find a way to be more articulate about how I feel but I keep circling back to a messy combination of anxious and excited that makes me want to cry. After almost 3 years, it feels like our take home baby is So Clos, even though I know we still have so far to go.

On Thursday I start the first of my medication - a Z Pack, Medrol and Baby Aspirin. The Medrol, a steroid that is supposed to help with implantation, is only for 4 days and the Z Pack, protection against infection since we're inserting something into my uterus and breaking the mucous barrier, is a 5 day course. I'm pretty sure the baby aspirin is also to help with implantation by improving blood flow and I might take that a bit longer.

Still a lot of meds for a natural transfer

The next appointment will be Friday to check in on my progesterone and make sure it's rising appropriately. Then I'll be starting the Estrace (estrogen) and Endometrin (progesterone) that I'll take for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. My clinic also prescribes Naproxen for the day of transfer, it's actually not a pregnancy safe drug but it prevents uterine contractions that can push the embryo out of the uterus. Since I'll only be taking it that day, before our little embie has implanted, it shouldn't have any effect on them.

Just typing this out I'm so excited and nervous I think I might throw up. By this time next week I'll have our embryo on board, crossing everything and praying to the universe and any deities out there that this little one sticks!

Mama Cloth Stash

I posted about mama cloth previously but now that I've had a chance to use it, I figured it was time for a stash and usage update! Thus far, I've tried 8 different brands and will probably go ahead and order from one more, Cozy Folk. 

For my last period, I used nothing but cloth. The two light days from Cozy Cloth and the two blue and grey Bubu Bibi pads just arrived in the past few days so I didn't have them during my period, but I was surprised to discover that even though it looked like I had a lot, I was a few pads short of a full cycle. It wasn't a big deal to wash them in the middle but if I want to get through a whole period without washing, I'll need a few more now that I've figured out what I like best in a cloth pad.

After using disposables my whole life, I've found that my preferences in cloth are pretty much the same. I want a long, really thin pad, with wings. I think my favorite size is 12", the same as an Always Infinity long, not because I need it to absorb that much fluid, but because I move around a lot and find myself needing different parts of the pad while I'm doing different things. A 12" pad pretty much covers everything, no matter what I'm doing, and it's basically impossible to leak. I don't have a strong preference on flared vs straight, but I do think flared gives you more protection, especially in the front when you're sitting down. 

All folded up :)

For thickness, my two absolute favorites are Yurtcraft and Party in my Pants. I custom ordered my Yurtcraft pads backed in PowerShieldPro, which makes them ultra thin and totally water proof, and all Party in my Pants pads are crazy thin and backed with nylon which also makes them water proof. These guys are no thicker than an ultra thin disposable, are way more comfortable, and stood up to my heaviest days with no leaks. I bought two 10.5" and two 12.5" from Yurtcraft and two 12.25" from Party in my pants.  ErinSewSweet also deserves an honorable mention here, although her 12" pad with a cotton top, layer of PUL, double Bamboo core and fleece backing was a hair thicker than Yurtcraft (with PowerShieldPro) and Party in my Pants, it was still super thin, really comfortable and didn't leak. This pad was also a trimmer fit for narrower panties which some people might prefer and I liked it just as much as the other two brands.

For overnight, I absolutely love my Earth Mama Goods 14" pads. These guys are a tiny bit thicker, more like a thin maxi than an ultrathin, but not too thick to wear during the day with leggings if you were having a really heavy day. These guys are super soft and feel cozy when you wear them, they're perfect for overnight when you might be bleeding up the back. She has a ton of other sizes and absorbances, but I ordered these in the beginning when I kept thinking I'd need a huuuuge pad to contain a pretty light period.  I also really liked my BubuBibis for night time, although they work just as well as a day pad. These guys win the award for budget friendliness, they're $15 for 4 pads with free shipping and with a thick bamboo core, these guys can absorb a ton. They feel more like a cushy maxi pad when you have them on, a bit thicker than I usually wear, but not too thick to wear during the day. They have a sort of silky polyester fabric for the wings and although you can't customize them, they come in several different colors and patterns and two different absorbances.

For liners I've got three Party in my Pants 10" and my two freebies, a 6" Luna Pad and 8" Glad Rag. The Party in my Pants liners, like their regular pads, are backed in nylon but these have no core so they're designed for spotting or medication. The Luna Pad and Glad Rag are both layered cotton flannel so they're not water proof but are super comfy and didn't leak with regular spotting. I haven't had a chance to use the two 8" Cozy cloth Pads that arrived but they're definitely pads, not liners, even though they're for light days.  These guys are flannel topped with two layers of flannel and a layer of PUL in the core with a fleece backing. They feel a little bit cushy and I imagine their heavier absorbancy pads would be a lot like Earth Mama Goods.  I'll probably use these at the beginning or end of a period, or hopefully, with my medication while I'm pregnant :)

For usage, cloth pads were no more difficult than a disposable to use and were a hell of a lot more comfortable. You lay them in your undies, snap the wings around the crotch and you're good to go. For washing, I decided to skip the bucket that most people use (for now, I reserve the right to change my mind lol) and I use a wet bag for storage. If I'm out an about, I fold the pad in half, snap the wings together to keep it closed, and stick it in my tiny waterproof wet bag in my purse. There's no odor, no dripping, the cores absorb any liquid while you're wearing them and holds onto it until I can rinse them out later. 

If I'm home, I take it right to the sink and rinse it out until the water runs clear. If it looks like it might stain, I throw a little oxy clean on it and depending on how I'm feeling, will leave it in the sink for about 10-15 min and hand wash or just fold it up and stick it straight in my big wet bag. I'm probably going to get one of the natural stain sticks to replace or use with the oxy clean, just because I think it will apply and stay in place better. At this point, all the pads I've washed in the sink have been clean, without stains or signs of wear, but I wash them in the machine anyway, even if it's only to remove the oxy clean. Once my period is over, or I'm out of pads, I chuck them in the wash with our towels and wash them on cold. Although they're perfectly safe to put in the dryer on low, I air dry mine since I'm drying my nylon anyway and I think it will help them last longer.

The next big test for my cloth stash will be Endometrin. Our transfer is getting closer and closer and since it IS going to work, I'm going to be on Endometrin for about 12 weeks. That's 12 solid weeks of wearing panty liners to keep gunk off my panties and I'm not sure how the medication is going to affect the fabric. Several of the sellers have offered me really good tips, from dish soap, gentle, grease cutting hand soap to minky topped liners which are harder to stain so I'll probably get a little of everything right before we transfer. This embryo is going to be sticking around for 40 weeks and I need to be prepared for them!

(Mama) Cloth Pads

In an incredible moment if irony, I decided the month before (hopefully) getting pregnant, while frantically packing for Cancun, that I want to officially make the switch to cloth menstrual pads. I usually use disposables but since I'm allergic to latex, I've had problems on and off with latex and chemicals in the adhesive. If they're not completely stuck down or if they shift while I'm wearing them and the adhesive touches my skin, I'm guaranteed a miserable set of hivey welts. It's awful and after last month with more welts, I'm done.  I'm hoping that with the laws of the universe, buying all of these cloth pads will mean I won't need them for quite some time...though when this little embryo sticks, I'll probably be on Endometrin for at least 12 weeks which will mean 12 straight weeks of wearing a panty liner. I should probably go order several more since I'll be using those most. 

Current Cloth Stash! I have others in the mail :)

From my cursory research, it looks like most manufacturers make cloth pads out of cotton flannel, minky, bamboo velor, cotton and bamboo terry, fleece, organic/un-dyed cotton or bamboo, zorb and PUL, a waterproof polyurethane laminate used in cloth diapers, bibs etc. They stay in place with cloth wings that connect with a snap, sometimes color coded for light, moderate and heavy. You can get everything from little 6" panty liners to thong pads to 16"+ heavy pads for overnight or postpartum use. You can even get them wingless but I'm not clear on how they stay in place. Most are an all in one construction but some brands have removable inserts that are usually held in place with two elastic straps. If you want something special, there's someone out there who can custom make it.

From left to right: 14" Earthy Mama Goods overnight pad, 9" Party in my Pants liner, 

8" Glad Rags Liner and 6" Luna Pads Liner

For me, living in a crazy hot climate, I figured cotton flannel was a better topper option than minky and I ordered most of my pads in that variety. I didn't want anything warm, nothing that might hold in the heat while I'm roasting my tush off in this 96 degree weather.  I ordered a variety from several different sellers to start and I haven't had a chance to use them yet, so I'm not sure whether my preference will be for the pads backed with fabric or fleece or those backed with PUL or Nylon etc. PUL is lightweight and waterproof so a lot of people really like it but I think that a fabric without laminate will breathe better. Thus far the PUL pads seem to be really nice and thin while the fleece ones are a little cushier.

                            All stacked up!                              Earthy Mama Goods Pads, they're technically overnight pads
                                                                                        but they're not too bulky to wear during the day as a heavy pad.

For something that no one really talks about, there are a remarkable amount of crafty ladies selling cloth pads on Etsy and their own personal websites . There are also several more commercial manufacturers, three of whom offer free pantyliners (just pay shipping) that I took advantage of: Luna Pads, Glad Rags and Party In My Pants. I think they all come out to be about $5 per pad which is a pretty good price for a liner that will last several years. I also ordered several pads from Etsy sellers EarthyMamaGoods, ErinSewSweet,  Yurt Craft, and Cozy Cloth in various lengths and absorbances and a 4 pack from the company BubuBibi.

                     My three overnight pads from Earthy Mama Goods              ErinSewSweet pad, in the mail!

The first thing you'll probably notice about these pads is that they are friggin' adorable. They come in every color, pattern and print you can imagine and they make me smile every time I see them in my drawer. I've read that they don't stain as long as you give them a soak or use a stain stick, but you could always get black or dark pads if you were worried. I'm pretty good at getting stains out of clothing as it is and I have a particular fondness for owls and foxes so I'm building up a few different varieties and brands in those prints regardless of color. And like a cloth diaper, I could probably stick the pad in the sun if I end up with stubborn stains. The second and more important point is that they are SO much more comfortable than disposable pads. They feel just like your undies against your skin, with a little cush, and while the pads with a PUL liner or backing are slightly more noticeable, they're still a million times more comfortable than disposables. I tried on each pad variety as they came in and was immediately kicking myself for not switching sooner. They feel so, so much better than that chemical filled plastic and here I've been getting hives and rashes for years.

BubuBibi pads, also in the mail. I got the blue and green set :)

As for use and care, from what I've read, there's no "wrong way" to do cloth. People handle washing a million different ways and they all work. I haven't had a chance to use mine since they started arriving after my period ended but I plan to rinse them well, maybe spot them or briefly soak with some oxy clean if needed, ring them out, fold them up and pop them in my shiny new wet bag. Then you just toss them, wet bag and all into the laundry and wash them like you would anything else. Some people do something with a bucket of soapy water that they change every day instead but that sounds a little too germy for me. Other people skip the rinsing entirely and just toss them straight in the wash which also works. You can wash them with your regular laundry, maybe in with the towels, or do them separately. If you're cloth diapering a baby, toss them in with the dipes. I'd probably wash on cold but some use warm, and I'll definitely dry on low, especially if the pads have PUL. If you want to air dry, I'd toss them in the dryer for a few minutes after so they soften up and aren't crunchy like any other air dried clothing item. If you're out and about, pop a clean pad and wetbag in your purse so you can just fold up the used one and store it till you get home.

My snazzy new wet bag with a little strap to hang it, from SnugglesofLove. I also tossed around using a mesh laundry bag but I think I'm going to skip it since the pads got sort of tangled up in there during my trial wash

My period isn't actually due until after we get back from Cancun, but I'm super excited to give these adorable pads a try. As soon as the other brands come in, I'll take an updated stash photo and let you know which I like best!

TWW: We Meet Again, Endometrin

This morning marked the beginning of Endometrin round two. Oh most hated adversary, we meet again at last. I knew this day would come.

dun Dun DUN!!!

I know that this particular medication shouldn't be a big deal, it's not an injection or something particularly painful, but it's still, by far, the most obnoxious medication I need to take. Let's run through the side effects according to the manufacturer:

• mild nausea, vomiting, bloating, stomach cramps;
• diarrhea, constipation, bloating;
• dizziness, drowsiness, tired feeling;
• pain in your vaginal or rectal area;
• pain during intercourse;
• loss of interest in sex;
• breast pain, swelling, or tenderness;
• joint or muscle pain;
• increased night-time urination; or
• vaginal itching, burning, or discharge.

If you look carefully, many of these symptoms mimic early pregnancy symptoms. A super cruel joke to play on the woman who is desperately hoping to find out she's pregnant, examining every cramp and hiccup as a possible indicator that this cycle was a success. Others are just horrible sounding, and I count myself lucky that I only experience the mild ones. Last cycle I had to deal with bloating, cramps, tiredness, all the time peeing, crazy sore boobies, and the lack of sex and general grossness that comes with having a pill up your ladybits that dissolves throughout the day, necessitating the wearing of panty liners. Can we saw EW? EW.

At least my injections were a brief inconvenience, a moment of pain that was mostly gone in under a minute.  Twice daily Endometrin, on the other hand, is the gift that just keeps on giving. For a minimum of two weeks, and a maximum of 10 weeks if I do get pregnant. This is one medication I could seriously do without, if I wasn't willing to do anything possible to get and stay pregnant.

Little cells that should be dividing in there, this is all for you. E, I apologize for the lack of sexy time in your future. Only 8 more days till I can pee on a stick and hopefully find out that we're pregnant (if it's not too early), making all of this worth it. I can't give headspace to the next leg of our journey if we are successful, so I'm focusing everything on that positive test. 

Update: I took an HPT this afternoon and got a clear negative, which means the trigger is flushed out of my system. Any positive we get should be genuine from here on out!