Wednesday, September 29, 2010

6 Month Check In

Wow! It seems like a lot has been happening really quickly in the past couple of weeks. I figured it was time for a six month wedding planning check in and give everyone an update.

The Dress

Yes, I have put down the deposit on my wedding dress!!! It ended up being a style I never would have chosen for myself but looks amazingly beautiful.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Termites

There is quite possibly nothing grosser than bugs inside your house. Being as I live in Southern California and it's been in the high 90's - low 100's, we have termites. I don't know if they came in from under our house (unlikely) or from our neighbors house (they can fly 2000 feet!), but they wiggled in through the gaps in the window screens and are attempting to eat my furniture. It. Is. Gross! I've been killing the winged demons all day but I can actually hearing them burrowing into the peg holes in my closet system and into the shelf holes in my bookcases. Their squished striped bodies are filling up my trash can and their papery shed wings are littering my window sills. I can't accurately convey how upset this makes me. It feels like a losing battle.

Does anyone have a good exterminator?

UPDATE:

We have "localized" termites in my closet wall, three windows, a spot in the attic and a spot in the garage. I don't know how that really counts as localized, but the termite people want to freeze and bait them instead of tenting. Thank goodness. We still have to get a few quotes though before we can make up our minds, the first one wanted 1400 which seems like a lot.

Yeah scratch that. Apparently you're not allowed to freeze in California sooooo we have to tent both the house AND the garage which they've apparently eaten up entirely. Which is over 2 grand. UGH.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Fur Children

Although I don't have any children of the human variety, I have many "children" of the animal variety, or fur babies if you will. I know not everyone has pets or bonds strongly with animals, but my animals are more family members than pets and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them.

My oldest and most loyal companion would have to be my kitty cat "Haji Baba Prince of Cats". Haji came to me when I was nine years old as an 8 week old furry bundle of stripped spitfire. Spunky, playful and loving, I picked him easily out of a littler of equally stripey kittens living in a playpen in the back of a dress shop. Our bond was instantaneous and he used to follow me everywhere, sleeping curled against my head or on my chest at night. Haji has more personality in one paw than most people have in their entire body. At the young and vibrant age of fourteen, Haji is moody, arrogant, spoiled and vindictive. He's also loving, loyal to a fault, and absolutely dedicated to me. When he wants a snack, he walks to his food of choice and scratches on it until your ears start to bleed. He meows, pesters, picks and whines until he gets what he wants, even when multiple alternative food options available. Deny him long enough, ignore him, or the most unacceptable, go on vacation, and you will find your belongings deliberately peed on while you are watching. He can hold a grudge longer than I can, only drinks water when it's running, likes fillet mignon and cheese, dislikes fish and still sleeps on my chest or by my feet at night.

When I first went to college, I was forced to leave him at home, separating us for longer than a couple weeks for the first time. Not only did he pine, but he mourned so deeply that he became depressed, listless and eventually acquired both food allergies and serious asthma. My chubby boy went from a hefty 15 pounds to 7 pounds and I was scared I might be losing him. After 5 different vets and hundreds and hundreds of dollars he was eventually diagnosed, put on medication and a food restricted diet. He now eats only grain-free organic food, gets a monthly injection of a corticosteroid and a twice daily bronchodilator to control his asthma. The steroid which enables him to breath makes him vulnerable to diabetes and urinary tract infections, so we carefully monitor his health. His last vet visit, another three hundred dollars I don't have to spend, showed that in spite of all his problems he's in excellent health and I expect to have him with me until he's 30.



My next fur baby is my sweet little girl Button, or Buttonwillow McKitten. Button came to me much later than Haji, when I learned that there was a colony of feral cats living on my college campus. While mostly happy and fed by the requisite crazy cat lady, the kittens of these ferals were often eaten by coyotes, run over by drunk or unobservant college students or victims of extreme flea anemia. I couldn't possibly bear to see another squished little body on the pavement so a little under 4 years ago I set out to catch as many of the kittens as I could. At this point, the two surviving kittens were already about 3-4 months old, too old by most standards for socialization. This of course couldn't possibly deter me, so everyday for a week I climbed down the side of the hill that they lived on and sat with my cat carrier and a can of food, trying to lure them inside.

One kitten, the boy, was larger, more trusting and more playful, and would come close to the carrier without too much encouragement. The other kitten, a girl, was smaller, skinnier and much more nervous, following her brother but with great caution. I was convinced that I would be catching the boy first as he would almost enter the carrier to eat the food. Day after day I tried to lure them in, until eventually the little boy walked halfway inside. I really, Really wanted to trap him, but he wouldn't move far enough inside for me to close the gate. After half a minute he backed out of the carrier, and a friend of mine who had come with me took off her shoelace to try and lure him back in. To our great surprise, it was the scrawny little girl who pawed after the string, and after a few breathless minutes she walked into the carrier. It was too good an opportunity to pass up, so I tripped the door closed and she was caught. Her brother on the other hand, being bigger and stronger, was never caught despite repeated attempts and still lives on the campus today. I was able to catch two other older kittens there who had been abandoned, and they found homes with my friends.

Socializing Button was a lesson in patience and trust. I tried every socialization trick I could find but she refused to respond to any of them. Eventually, the turning point came when she stepped in her water bowl, tipped it into her litter pan and got herself covered nose to tail in thick clay litter. Overnight the litter dried to paste in her fur, and by the morning she was not a happy camper. It took me 2 hours to pick and wash the clay from her fur by hand, but by the end of it she was finally mine. After medical treatment for her flea anemia, lots of food, her alteration and her shots, she is by far the most loving kitty ever. She is still wary of other people and extremely shy around strangers (if you're lucky you'll see her fluffy tail slip under the bed), but she adores me and sleeps on her back in my arms and licks my nose and chin at night. She likes her belly rubbed the most, has big golden owl eyes, white ear whiskers and has the softest, silkiest black fur I've ever felt on a cat. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body, lives only in my room and has a dainty sweet little meow. She thinks she's a baby and is certainly my sweet baby girl who nearly gave me a heart attack when we went on vacation last year and she got stuck under the house. My honey and I drove back from Oregon through the night to get home, and he had to go under to rescue her since my boobs prevented me from fitting under the pipes.



Our animal family also contains my mother's rescue Sheltie named "Pippin", a walking sausage on legs, Zena, my grandma's fluffy boy kitty, and Devlin, the mischievous siamese/tabby that I found at a rescue for my sister. Devlin was also difficult in his own way, as he fell off my sister's bunk bed and broke both his hips at a year old. One surgery and over a thousand dollars later, he is a happy healthy 4 year old that spends most of his time sleeping or tormenting Haji and Zena.

In addition to my furry loves, I have a 110 gallon aquarium that I obsess over. It's a freshwater planted aquarium home to my angelfish and rainbows and I don't even want to think about the hours and the hundreds thousands I've sunk into it lol.

What about you guys? Have any high maintenance pets, possibly more work than your human children? Anyone else love their fur babies like crazy whoa?

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Dress

So after trying on way too many too tiny dresses, I think I've finally found THE dress. I have to say it was definitely frustrating and I was just about done with the whole dress experience. I don't know what dress shopping is like in other places, but in Los Angeles the largest dress size stocked in store is usually either a 6 or an 8 for a 5'8 woman. Remembering to convert to bridal sizes which are 3-4 sizes smaller than street sizes, you need to be smaller than a 2 or a 4 to fit into the sample dresses correctly. If you are any larger (or smaller) you will quickly find yourself trussed up with clips and strings holding the back of the dress together. When you tell your salesperson that hello, you can't possibly get an idea of how the dress will look when you can't even get the top to lay flat, they will generally ignore your concerns and insist that it'll fit when they order it. This then leads me to another HUGE problem in the bridal industry, usually for smaller people, the dress alterations.

When you order a dress from a bridal store, they don't order a size that will fit you. This is absolutely done on purpose. Unless you fit the perfect stock size, they will order multiple sizes up claiming that they are fitting the largest part of your body. For women who don't have exceptionally large breasts or abnormally large hips, or another very disproportionally large body part, you don't generally need to order multiple sizes up. Especially with corset backed dresses, you DO NOT need to order a dress 4 sizes too big to get the best silhouette. This is done so they can charge you for alterations on the dress and even when you get an initial quote for under 100 dollars, those alterations can somehow go up to 500 or 600. I have talked to so many brides now who argued and argued with the sales person who measured them and insisted they needed huge tent like dresses only to gouge them with the alteration charges later. Although I'm one of the few people who would need a dress ordered a million sizes too big to fit my chest, this is one of the main reasons I loved the idea of a custom dress from the beginning.

As predicted, my dress is going to have to be a custom gown. Since it's hard to visualize how something on paper looks on your body, I was able to get into a gown close enough to make the decision. It stays true to my original design, no "poof" but is still surprisingly flattering. It's all over lace, and unlike anything I tried on previously, is fitted all the way down to my thighs in a fit and flare style with a dual layer skirt. This I thought was a huuuge no-no, since my thighs are not even on the dainty scale but it's surprisingly flattering. My mom and grandma really liked it, and while no one cried or said the stereotypical "oh my baby's so beautiful, she's growing up", they didn't tell me I looked like a stuffed sausage either. The dress will definitely have a sweetheart neckline with a scalloped edge, a corset back and a built in bustier so I won't have to wear a bra. There was definitely no "aha!" moment where I knew this would be the dress I got married in, but I really liked it and I think I will love it once it's done.

Pictures to come as soon as I can get back to the store to put down a deposit.

Monday, September 13, 2010

When The Power Of The Dress Becomes Exponentially Larger Than Your Brain

There's something that happens inside your head the longer you shop for wedding dresses. The more dresses you try on, the more desperate you seem to get to find "the" dress, the one that makes you feel like a bride whatever that's supposed to feel like, and the one that makes your mother cry. It should be beautiful, timeless, elegant, fun, and most importantly You. The trouble is, who really knows what they look like as a dress? And who's to say that "You" will actually look good on, well, you? Maybe you are all about the slick mermaid style, but your hips don't realize that. Or you feel like a plunging beachy neckline, but your boobs didn't get the memo? What happens when what you thought was you, suddenly doesn't look even remotely good on you?

I always thought I was a classic all over lace, strapless, sweetheart neckline, modified a-line. Simple, elegant, and vintage. The strapless, sweetheart neckline works wonderfully. However, simple modified a-lines don't really do it for my figure. They make me look top heavy and curveless. I look much better in a big, nay, HUGE skirt bottom. The kind of skirt bottom I swore I would never wear, the kind people occasionally call the dreaded "cupcake" dress. Although I haven't found "the" dress and I'm not sure if I will off the rack, I've tried on enough to know that that simple modified a-line just isn't going to cut it. I've now switched gears and turned towards super-poofsville in search of a big poofy dress with a visually interesting skirt.

My Wish List:

- Strapless, sweetheart neckline
- Corset back (this is a must for any sort of waist definition)
- Built in bra (I can dream right?)
- Big, full skirt with asymmetrical pick ups, different fabrics. I'm thinking layers but No cupcakes.
- Lace (non-floral!), silk and tulle
- Under $2,000.00

This seems like a pretty impossible wish list to achieve off the rack, but I'm going to keep looking a bit longer before I put down the deposit on a custom dress.

In more productive news, 90 of the Save the Dates are officially on their way to the correct recipients! I had them hand cancelled at the post office so hopefully they'll arrive in good shape. Fly free little Save the Dates! Only 8 more to go if I can ever get the correct addresses.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Family Matters

Living with your parents, or in my case, parent, Sucks. I know there are many good aspects to a temporary amicable cohabitation with your mother, your sister and your significant other, but often times those are difficult to see. Yes, the lack of rent is amazing.The lack of household related bills is equally amazing. Yes its nice to not have to bring a roll of quarters with you to do laundry. It's also cool when other people go grocery shopping too. Yes it's nice to see your family and bonding yadda yadda. But no. No, NO, NO. This is not an arrangement I wish to continue. It. Is. Not. Fun.

Living in 2010, college degrees do not equal jobs. Living in Los Angeles, a rental closet is 1200 a month. Living now is hard, yes, I know, you know, we know. But still, living in my house equals some serious major suckage. I have a dining room, a living room, and a kitchen in my garage. That also means that my bedroom is a living room a dining room, a kitchen and a storage unit. Not exactly a bow-chicka-wow-wow conductive environment for fiancees-soon-to-be-newlyweds. I know, right now we should be thankful that we have a place to live. The lack of privacy, the constant stream of yousuckness from my mom, the complete lack of personal space should be irrelevant when faced with the awesomeness of free rent. But somehow, it just isn't. We need our own space. We need out.

Moving out right now does not make sense. We should wait until after we're married (March), after we know where I'm going to medical school (Hopefully May), because we're going to have to move for that anyway if I can somehow get in. I don't really see that happening either, considering that my MCAT tutors ie geniuses, are applying for the SECOND time this year. If they can't get in on the first try, me getting in is literally laughable. We should take advantage of the free rent to save up and prepare for a few years for the crazy difficulty of married life in which according to my mother we will suddenly decide that the past 8 years of putting up with each other's crap have meant nothing and clearly a few bills will be our downfall. I would kill for some home related bills of my own right now, but I know that we need to wait. I KNOW. But, right now, in the words of Avenue Q, I say it sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucks! It sucks to be me.

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Difficult Family Member

I think every family has at least one difficult family member, the person who always causes problems, doesn't return phone calls and holds up family gatherings. Some families have multiple people like this, and we definitely have a good amount in my family. Normally this person can be dealt with, ignored, or not invited, but what do you do when it's the father of the groom?

My honey's father has been essentially impossible to get ahold of. His father and mother have been divorced since my honey was 3, but my honey spent his summers and school breaks with his father. Even growing up there were problems with his father's fanatical changing hobbies and lifestyles. He decided to only eat organic before there were organic options, and tried to keep my honey from having birthday cake at his friend's parties. He changes careers like tissues and is always taking classes so he doesn't have to pay back his student loans. At one point growing up my honey refused to call him daddy, dad or father, and his pediatrician had to call his father and say you need to stop, you're alienating your child.

While I'm grateful to this man for contributing to my honey's existence, he is fast becoming a major contender on my shit list. I have extremely strong protective instincts, and seeing my honey upset is making my stomach churn and want to throttle this guy. He has ignored phone calls, text messages, facebook messages, and every other method of communication we can think of. We don't have his address (part of the problem) so we can't show up in person. Not only do we need to inform him formally of our engagement (more formal than a facebook message, text message, and phone message), we also need to get the addresses of family members from his side. His wife is quite charming and if I could just get ahold of her I'm sure she would give us the needed information, but we only have his cell phone.

For some reason, my honey can't let go of his asshole father. My own father is a train wreck, but at least I have no illusions about his role not in my life. Every New Years, Hanukkah, Father's Day, Birthday etc my honey calls, leaves messages, and facebooks his father to say I love you. Every holiday that jack ass ignores him. When he does get ahold of him, it's all "oh yeah, we should get together, sure, come by soon" and then he never follows up.

His father recently had a family reunion with his side of the family in Hawaii and not only did he not invite my honey, he didn't even tell him about it. We found out when he posted the pictures on facebook of the big Hawaiian reunion and it really pissed me off that he would exclude his child, the closest family member you can have.

I don't know how much more I can take from this guy before I explode. I'm ready to call it quits on him, but my honey desperately wants him to be there. For his sake he had better get his ass to our wedding or this mama bear is going to be hunting him down and it's not going to be pretty.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Do It Yourself Project #2: The Groom's Tie

When it comes to weddings, it's no secret that the brides get all the style attention. They get to pick out an insanely expensive gorgeous white dress and are the center of attention, while the groom rents a tux from a number of budget companies and stands at the end of the aisle admiring his bride. If your groom wants to show a little personality, it's done in the details, a subtle pinstripe through the suit, funky shoes or socks and the highlight of the ensemble, his tie. My honey is all about blue, it's his absolute favorite color, so while most grooms wear silver or gold while their groomsmen wear the wedding color, my honey insisted that he get to wear a blue tie. And not just any blue tie, but an awesome, unique, and special blue tie.

Since ties are expensive, especially the real silk ones, this can be a costly extra if your groom doesn't like whatever ties are included with his tux rental. To try and find something special enough to be my honey's signature item without going crazy over our nonexistent tie budget, I turned to eBay. This post is more smart shopping than do it yourself, but it's budget saving regardless, so again, without further ado, I present:

Do It Yourself Project #2: The Grooms Tie

Do It Yourself Project #1: Save The Dates

While I was studying for my MCAT, a number of tempting packages arrived at my house. Since I didn't have the willpower to resist opening them, I ripped them open and discovered that my Save the Dates had come early! I had ordered them with slooow 21 day shipping so as not to tempt myself with them, but darn that awesome Vistaprint, they shipped them two weeks early! A day later my adhesive magnets came, and while I was taking my MCAT my honey's tie set arrived as well!

DSCN1750
Save the Dates, packed safe and sound

Without further ado, I present:

Do it Yourself Project #1: Budget Save The Dates

Friday, September 3, 2010

It's Over

It's happened. I've taken the MCAT. It's over. Thursday I checked out the testing center and it was teeny tiny, one little office in a huge complex of offices. It had only three rooms, each with less than 20 computers in them. They told me I needed to be there when the doors opened at 6:30am so I could register first and not wait in line for an hour and a half.

This morning, I arrived at the testing center at 6:30am to check in for the test. I even wore my lucky pink penguin shoes and rainbow socks. There was no one else there, the parking lot was pretty much empty, the doors were locked. I was able to bang on the door a few times and managed to get them to give me the bathroom key, and they eventually opened the doors at 6:45am. Obviously I ended up being first on the list, given the lack of competition, and then my honey and I went to breakfast at Jerry's Deli. The only thing I could stomach was soup, so I had soup for breakfast and then headed back to the test center.

The test lasted from about 8am to 12:45pm. The fingerprint scanner I had to use to get in and out of the room was insanely picky and kept telling me I didn't have a finger print. The physical science section kicked my ass, but the verbal, biological and writing sections weren't too bad. I wasn't feeling awful about anything but the physical science section until I exited the test and found people talking about how they'd chosen to void their scores. Voiding your score is sort of a last resort, if you screw up your test and decide to forfeit your time, 300 dollars and all your effort. I can't imagine voiding my score after all that effort, but if I get a 15 I'll know I've made the wrong choice.

I'll know in a month...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Names, Again?!?!?!

So my honey and I had a round-about slightly too emotional debate about names again. He's cool with whatever I want to do, and the debate wasn't actually about us, but rather about the practice of taking your husband's name in general. Up until recently (see below), there wasn't even a spot on marriage certificates for the husband to change his name. This is, unfortunately, extremely close-minded and totally American. When I looked at the practices of other countries, I found that women usually keep their last name, take both names, or even combine names. In Japan, if the woman is the last of her line or if the son is a second son, the man will take his wife's name. My honey's uncomfortableness stemmed from the idea that a man taking his wife's name wasn't "normal", but when you look around you can see that what's normal is different for different people.

I don't actually want my honey to take my last name, but I do want him to acknowledge that it's perfectly reasonable for a guy to take his girl's name instead of vice versa. The history of marriage is based on change, most of the practices we associate with marriage today are only from the past 50-100 years. It used to be totally normal for an old man to marry an 11 year old, or for a woman to literally be sold to her husband. Now we're on the cusp of gay marriage, marriage is changing again and it only makes sense that naming practices should change with it. In fact, there was a measure on the ballot in California for marriage licenses to include a spot for the man to change his name that recently passed and I'm sure it will be perfectly normal for naming to go either way in another 50 years.

In addition, there's a weird sort of perception surrounding name changing or not. In a recent article by Catherine Rampell in the New York Times, a group of Dutch researchers found that women who change their name when they marry make nearly $400,000 less over their lifetimes than women who do not. They are also viewed as older, less educated, and unmotivated compared to women who don't change their names. While I feel like this study isn't entirely accurate, it does make me feel bad about the whole name changing thing. I hope that any lingering perception about whether a woman changes her name or doesn't will also be a thing of the past given enough time.

For me personally, an accidental indirect interaction with my charming sperm donor has just made the naming debate a whole lot easier. I think I'm finally ready to say "I do" to my honey's last name and "don't let the door hit you on the ass" to my sperm donor's last name. It won't be because I want to be an old, unintelligent, uneducated poor woman, but rather because I've reached the point where I'm ready to entirely distance myself from my father's family.