IVF T-1 Month

For the past couple weeks, E and I have mostly been in a holding pattern. We know what we need to do to move forward, but there are several hurdles in our way. A huge part of the infertility process feels like we're being asked to "hurry up and wait". Waiting for a cycle to start, waiting for follicles to mature, waiting for a PGD probe to be built, the dreaded two week wait. Right now we're waiting for my corpus luteum cysts to resolve and for the next real cycle to start. For now, we need to:

• Pick a clinic. I think we've narrowed it down to HRC or SCRC and we have our consult with SCRC this Friday. This one we need to pay for, which I don't love, but they seem like they could be a real contender. I'm looking for the best PGD doctor I can find so I can handle a few expensive consults along the way. 
• Wait out the withdrawal bleeding from the birth control pills and wait for the next real cycle to start. Whichever clinic we pick, we can't move forward until my ovaries have absorbed the old follicles and I start a real period. Even though my period was only 2 weeks ago, this withdrawal bleeding is like another full period so I'm assuming I have another 28ish days until I start a fresh cycle.
• Pick which PGD lab we're going with. I'm torn between Reprogenetics and RGI, though I suspect both would be good choices. I'm getting genetics reports faxed over and toying around with the idea of Karyomapping, a newer technology for identifying single gene defects in embryos without needing to build a probe. Reprogenetics is using it but I don't know if it's available to the public yet since the genetics counselor didn't seem familiar with it. 
• Sort out funding for a double IVF cycle. All said and done it will probably be close to $40k, and they like their money upfront. 

In the meantime, I've been keeping up with my acupuncture and trying to research our best options. I've had to go to the last two clinic consults on my own so I'm really happy E will be able to join me for the one on Friday. I don't mind if he skips the monitoring appointments since there are sooo many and not much happens, but I do like him to be there for the initial consults and the biggies like egg retrieval. His work schedule is still crazy and he wont get a day off till mid August, but he has some mornings free again which gives him time to make these appointments. We've also got to get Milou into the vet for her yearly vaccines and Zuzu (better known as Fuckie) has a cold that will need another round of antibiotics. We've definitely got our plates full!

Poor Fuckie sleeping off his cold. Yes, he is laying on top of a weight...

One Down, ? To Go

I had my consult for USC today and I'm sorry to say I don't think they're going to be the right fit for us. I absolutely love, love, love my doctor, she's wonderful, but the clinic just didn't really click with me. They don't do many PGD cycles which makes me a bit uncomfortable and they're $4,000 more.  They're also smack in the middle of downtown which means an hour there in traffic and at least an hour back which I would love to avoid if possible. They don't validate their parking which, while it's only $8 bucks each time, is an annoyance that really bugged me. If I'm spending almost $40,000, the least they could do is validate my parking. I wasn't feeling great coming out and their parking structure, which has the stupidest design known to man, kind of sealed the deal for me. There are two levels each named P1, P2 and P3 and I spent 10 minutes wandering around trying to figure out why my car wasn't on P2 when I was damn sure I'd parked it there. It was on the other P2, in the same structure, with no apparent way of distinguishing the two according to the parking attendant I asked -_- It all rubbed me the wrong way.

So that leaves us with HRC, who work with both Reprogenetics and RGI, the two genetics labs we're considering, or another clinic TBD a bit closer to my house. I'm thinking either SCRC or Reproductive Partners. With USC likely out of the running, I feel like I need to compare HRC to at least one or two more clinics before I can be make a decision either way. HRC seems to have a lot of experience even though they're kind of far away and if I could be sure they were the most experienced out there, I would be okay with the distance.

Cycle wise, I still have unresolved corpus luteum cysts from last cycle so I'm stopping birth control and we'll be officially starting IVF in a month. This is probably a good thing, even though we'd like to start ASAP, because it gives us more time to pick a clinic and more time to work on building a probe and getting our genetics stuff in order. I wish each answer didn't come with a hundred more questions but that seems to be how things work in the infertility game.

How To Grade A Clinic

Considering all our issues, E and I need to evaluate our potential fertility clinic a little differently than you might evaluate a clinic if you just needed standard IVF.

For us, and possibly other genetic carriers, I think the biggest questions are:

• How much experience do they have with PGD? How many cycles do they do per year?
• How skilled are their embryologists?
• Do they biopsy day 3 or day 5? 
• What genetics lab do they use and how skilled are they? 
• Would they do a fresh or frozen transfer?
• Have they worked with many patients with our mutation/condition? 
• What kind of protocol would they put me on?
• Do they have a multi cycle program? Will they accept me into it?
• Money - how much will it cost, with all the extra things added?

Thus far we're looking at two different clinics. The clinic my doctor uses, which is smaller and probably more intimate, and a larger clinic that is part of a chain but that does many, many cycles. 

Clinic 1 - USC - My doctor, Dr. K

• How much experience do they have with PGD? How many cycles do they do per year?

They do about 25 PGD cycles every year. Since there is risk involved when you biopsy an embryo, they don't recommend it unless it's needed. 

• How skilled are their embryologists?

They have excellent embryologists but they do not keep an embryologist on staff that does PGD. They use the embryologist from the PGD genetics lab, and they do biopsies all day every day. 

• Do they biopsy day 3 or day 5?  

 Day 5 biopsy

• What genetics lab do they use and how skilled are they?  

They use Reprogenetics, one of the oldest genetics labs out there. 

• Would they do a fresh or frozen transfer? 

Likely a frozen transfer, though it would be at the discretion of the genetics lab, how long they need to get results for my embryos, and my body, am I overstimulated or am I in a good place to transfer the embryos. 

• Have they worked with many patients with our mutation/condition? 

They see about 3-5 patients with my mutation every year. 

• What kind of protocol would they put me on? 

This is still being decided, but my doctor knows how I respond to medication. 

• Do they have a multi-cycle program? Will they accept me into it?

They have no multi-cycle or risk sharing plans, I have to pay for each cycle straight up. 

• Money - how much will it cost, with all the extra things added?

One cycle would run about $16,000 plus $2,400 for biopsy for a total of $18,400 for one cycle or $36,800 for two. This includes $5,000-6,000 for medication each cycle, two biopsies, ICSI twice, anesthesia, and freezing and strong embryos for a year. Kaiser will cover the PGD.

Clinic 2 - HRC

• How much experience do they have with PGD? How many cycles do they do per year?

They do about 500 PGD cycles every year. This seems to be a fairly large number.

• How skilled are their embryologists?

They have 7 excellent embryologists on staff and have pioneered laser technology for embryo biopsy. They do their own PGD biopsy.

• Do they biopsy day 3 or day 5?  

 Day 5 biopsy

• What genetics lab do they use and how skilled are they?  

They use Reprogenetics, one of the oldest genetics labs out there. 

• Would they do a fresh or frozen transfer? 

Likely a frozen transfer, though it would be at the discretion of the genetics lab, how long they need to get results for my embryos, and my body, am I overstimulated or am I in a good place to transfer the embryos. 

• Have they worked with many patients with our mutation/condition? 

I'm still waiting on this answer, but the nurse said all the doctors at the practice get several patients with my mutation every year.

• What kind of protocol would they put me on? 

The doctor wants to review all of my records and see how I responded to my past cycles before suggesting a protocol. Regardless of the protocol, the doctor wants me to complete two cycles and batch my embryos for PGD to give us the best shot at having a healthy baby.

• Do they have a multi-cycle program? Will they accept me into it?

They have a multi-cycle program and although they usually wouldn't because I'm guaranteed to need both cycles if we're batching embryos, they will accept me into it.

• Money - how much will it cost, with all the extra things added?

Two cycles in the mutli-cycle program would cost me about $33,000. This includes an estimate of $5,000-6,000 for medication each cycle, $3150 for biopsy each cycle, $1200 for ICSI each cycle, anesthesia, freezing and thawing embryos and storing them for a year. Kaiser will cover the PGD.

I have absolutely no idea which clinic is the right fit for us. I love my doctor and was inclined to stay with her but the bigger clinic does more PGD cycles per year and is a little bit less expensive.  I'm not sure how I'm supposed to make this decision without ever having done IVF with either clinic. This is so difficult!

Which Clinic??

So after weighing our options,  E and I have definitely decided to go ahead with IVF. I'm on BCP right now in preparation and my next ultrasound is supposed to be the 22nd. I thought everything was decided, taken care of, done.

We were going to go with our current doctor who works both at Kaiser and another fertility clinic. We like her, she's really nice and we've enjoyed working with her. She laughs at my stupid jokes and takes her time during my appointments, I feel like she really hears me.  She allows me to participate in the cycles more than another doctor might, and takes what research I share into account. I was all ready to sign up with her when it was suggested to me that we might want to look at another clinic first.

The primary reasons for this suggestion were:

• My doctor is fairly young, about my age. She just passed her boards and our case is fairly complex. Does she have enough experience?
• My doctor is stretched really thin at Kaiser right now. Two doctors are currently out, one left for private practice so she isn't coming back, and my doctor is picking up all the slack. She's really, really busy.
• Her clinic has no risk sharing programs or multi-cycle programs to purchase. It's just a straight cycle cost and if it doesn't work there's no refund program or guarantee.

The other doctor and clinic we were directed to look at:

• The doctor is world renowned and has like 20 years experience. People come from all over the world to see him.
• The clinic has multi-cycle options but I'd need to get confirmation that I can participate with my premutation. 1, 2, 3 cycle programs and a refund guarantee cycle are all available.

I set up a consultation with the new clinic because I was given a free first appointment card. Interestingly, the new clinic has some pretty crappy Yelp reviews (not that I would ever choose a clinic based on yelp reviews) but I suspect its because they give out many free first appointment cards. Most of them are people whining about it taking too long to schedule their free appointment or the billing department making mistakes. My doctor's clinic, on the other hand, has excellent yelp reviews, from actual patients. My doctor's practice is also smaller than the more experienced doctor, more personal attention? She knows how I respond to medication based on our two IUIs which I really like. Plus, the bigger clinic is a "chain" in that there's more than one location, which I don't love, but it has better statistics. According to their literature, the bigger clinic also does a lot of PGD cycles

I really don't know what to do here. I am going to the free appointment tomorrow so I'm hoping that will give me an idea of how this new doctor practices. Since getting my diagnosis I've lived and breathed fragile x premutations, I've read everything I can get my hands on and I need a doctor who is knowledgeable and committed.What if my younger doctor is more willing to think outside of the box? The older doctor might be less willing to explore new practices. I just don't know which one is a better fit for us.

(Non)Pregnancy Symptoms

I have no idea what it feels like to be pregnant since I've never experienced it first hand, but I can definitely say with confidence that I'm not a fan of the symptoms of being not pregnant. The periods coming off a medicated cycle suck in so many ways, and I feel horrible on this birth control.

I was on birth control for almost 10 years and had a really good fit hormonally. It was a pretty low dose pill, somewhat obscure, and I could take it without side effects and feel good. What I somehow managed to forget was the initial first year of trying to find the right fit. Different pills, different doses, different hormones, months and months of feeling crappy. It wasn't my idea of fun.

Each clinic has prescription agreements with different companies. Kaiser used mostly Ferring, for Menopur, Endometrin, Ovidrel and the current bane of my existence, Sprintec. I asked my nurse about taking my original birth control but she said no, Kaiser only uses Sprintec birth control pills for infertility cycles, which contain a different form of estrogen than my old pills. I am not a fan. I don't know what USC Fertility uses, but thus far Dr. K has kept me on the Sprintec.

Thus far, mixing birth control with coming off a medicated cycle has got me:

• Cramps, cramps and more cramps. These come for free, without the birth control. 
• Insomnia, it's taking me at least 1-2 hours to get to sleep every night. 
• Exhaustion. I feel like I need a nap every day or like I can't wake up in the afternoons, even though I'm still getting a good amount of sleep despite the insomnia.
• Bloating, because it's impossible to escape from. It's a side effect of everything.
• Stomach pain, because I can't escape from that either. Definitely from the birth control now. 

Underneath the annoyance, I'm somewhat amused that I would have more uncomfortable side effects from a comparatively low dose oral hormone medication than from several daily injections containing enough hormones to make an elephant ovulate. I guess it makes sense since we know I'm estrogen deficient and sensitive to synthetic estrogen whereas I seem to respond only grudgingly to mass quantities of FSH and LH. Still, you've got to appreciate the irony.

We're about a week away from my next ultrasound now, so I'm wishing and hoping with everything I've got that the cysts are gone and there are tons of antral follies.

A Day Off

Wednesday, E decided to take the day off. He was supposed to be in Anaheim by 8am, an unpleasantly early call time,  in the middle of a 20+ day stretch of work and he seriously needed a break. He got someone to cover for him and we planned a boring but productive day that started with sleeping in.

The primary item on our agenda was supposed to be taking our cars in for repair. E's car is making an alarming squeaking noise from somewhere in the wheel well and my air conditioning, which I just had repaired not even a year ago, decided to stop working and then start up again. A car rental was supposed to cover E while his car was in the shop, but there was an unexpected issue with scheduling. Instead of spending the day dealing with the cars, we ended up with the entire day to ourselves.

So, what do you do on a gorgeous day off in Los Angeles? You go to the beach of course!

Although there are countless gorgeous beaches in the LA area, E and I decided to spend the day together as a family, and that meant finding a beach that was doggy friendly. There aren't many beaches that allow dogs in the water and on the sand, so we pointed our car towards Rosie's Dog Beach in Long Beach, CA.

Rosie's Dog Beach is basically an unfenced but roped off 4 acre section of the beach that is open to off leash dogs. It's not exclusively for dogs and there's no dogs allowed on the beach on either side of the roped in area, but that specific section is the perfect place to spend time with your furry friends.  Milou isn't a big fan of the water but had an absolutely fantastic time strolling along the beach, saying hi to all the people and dogs, and plucking up the courage to get her paws wet. She trotted along next to us, checking in every few seconds to make sure we were staying together, and sniffed sand, shells, and washed up kelp to her hearts content.

(Source)

Considering how many dogs visit the beach every day and thus use it as a bathroom, the beach is surprisingly clean. Owners are very careful to clean up after their charges and everyone is committed to keeping the beach nice. We didn't see any trash or poop and 90% of the dogs there were perfectly sweet and friendly. There was one little dog lacking in manners, but he was more interested in guarding his towel and yapping at passersby. A second dog who showed up later, a large pittie,  was also rude, so we ended up leaving after a couple hours when it became clear that his owners were going to be staying in our area. He was a little too exuberant and growled when he didn't get his way, definitely more the fault of his owners, but Milou wasn't a fan and we'd already been there a while.  The rest of the beach goers were wonderful, they all played together in the water and sand, chasing balls and romping in the waves. We will definitely be going back the first chance we get, though I'd suggest a week day when it's a little less busy.

After the beach, we dropped by The Yard House for some yummy lunch. They have a large patio that backs up against the pier so you can bring your dog and tie them up next to you. Luckily, we got a friendly manager who complimented us on our "service dog" with a wink and let us keep Milou under our table in the shade where she alternated between sleeping and sniffing the delicious, food scented, air.

We got home in the evening just in time to brush the sand off our feet and head to Milou's obedience class. Milou and I were both exhausted and yawned our way through class but she did very well anyway. It was such a nice distraction in the midst of E's crazy work schedule and all the difficult decisions we're trying to make. Infertility can be all consuming, even when you're not in the middle of a cycle. Considering that it's so embedded in my subconscious that I'm dreaming about egg harvesting, IVF, and embryo quality, a day at the beach was a really nice change. 

Today is day 4 of birth control so I have 10 more days of pills before my next ultrasound. I've got my fingers crossed that my ovaries are recovering nicely and absorbing all those old corpus luteum cysts like they're supposed to. Come on ovaries, I need you to get your act together so we can try again.

Taking The Plunge

I met with Dr. K this morning and have a really long chat about IUI, IVF and PGD. Considering how much we're spending on IUI, she strongly recommends we move on to IVF and shoot for another awesome cycle like last month. Although I was hoping for some way to get a guaranteed or refund protected cycle, USC doesn't participate in ARC anymore and they have no cost sharing or package deal. I even asked the billing department if I could make my own package deal and pay up front, but they said no. Legally, they can't accept money for services they haven't rendered yet, and if I get pregnant on the first try they would have to give me the money back. Boo. With my 20% Kaiser discount, one IVF cycle would be $10,734 with an estimated $5,000 for meds for a total cycle cost of $16,000. All their cycles using donor sperm use ICSI so that's included, as is embryo cryopreservation, storage for 1 year, and 1 fresh or frozen transfer.

On the genetics front, my RE was totally prepared. She already submitted the request for my PGD approval through Kaiser. For once, there are no hoops to jump through, they have a billing code in place for it, and it covers single gene PGD for Fragile X. It should be a comparatively small amount to add chromosome testing as well, which Dr. K said would be worth it since we're already spending so much. She also has two calls and emails into her preferred genetics company and they said they might not even need a probe to look for Fragile X anymore. I'm skeptical but we'll see what they say. I'm up for whatever gets us the best results.

On the health front, my baseline ultrasound was disappointing. I still have a lot of corpus luteum cysts that haven't resolved and it was pretty tough to see the antral follies. It's normal to have corpus luteum cysts after taking a lot of fertility drugs, they're basically the left over "houses" that the eggs grew inside. I'm going to be on birth control for 14 days and will then have another ultrasound to check and make sure the cysts have resolved. If they have, we'll go ahead with the IVF, if they haven't, I have to take the cycle off and lose a month.

E is at work so we haven't had a chance to chat about it much. I know it's a high number but it's lower than I was expecting after hearing about 20-30k+ cycles. Plus, if we get healthy embryos that test negative for Fragile X and Chromosome problems, we should have a 65% success rate of them sticking. I just hope I get another good cycle, I need those 7 eggs to try for 3 healthy embryos.

The Next Step

I stopped my Endometrin yesterday and like clockwork, my period started up as soon as it was out of my system. Officially on CD1, I started the process of getting everything ready for another cycle. I sent a long question filled message to my RE: can we do IUI while we build the probe for IVF? Should we keep doing IUI? What should we do?? I called to set up an appointment for 8:30am tomorrow for a base ultrasound and made sure to make it with Dr. K so we could go over our options. Then, just to cover our bases, I called the USC fertility clinic to ask about the skill of their embryologist and their experience with PGD.
The USC nurse was able to answer some of my questions: Do they have their own embryologist? How skilled are they? They don't have their own, they use RGIs traveling embryologist or another company. I had heard about scheduling conflicts with traveling embryologists resulting in missing the window to biopsy on the correct day. No, she assured me, they've never, ever had a problem with scheduling a biopsy. The embryologist would be there on the day we needed them.  What about PGD? They have a lot of experience with patients doing PGD.  If we do IVF now but our probe isn't ready can we freeze the biopsy sample? She will look into it. (A poster on the genetics board I frequent says you can and she froze hers. Excellent news) She will have the statistics I asked for, success rates after PGD, freezing and thawing numbers, ready for me when I call tomorrow.

My RE replied to my long email with one line:

My recommendation would be for in-vitro fertilization. Sounds like I'll be seeing you tomorrow :)

That one line has me basically feeling excited/scared/nauseous/slightly hysterical all at once.  I had the most bizarre PMS fueled desire to cry after reading it and it's still there, popping up when I least expect it.  I had a feeling she'd be heading in that direction so it wasn't a shock but it's still got me all worked up. I think it has a lot to do with the crazy hormones I'm dealing with right now, coming off these medicated cycles is awful haze of cramps and PMS. Ugh.

If we go forward with this, we need to start building our probe ASAP.  Unfortunately, this will be complicated somewhat by the fact that my little sister just got on a plane to Europe and won't be back for a month. What timing! She's going to have an amazing trip and I'm so happy she's there, I just had no idea we might need her DNA so quickly! I emailed RGI a little while ago and this is what they said:

We have worked with many families for Fragile X – it will be crucial for us to get genetic reports for you, your mother and your sister, along with DNA samples from them in order to create the PGD setup for your family. Please provide the genetic reports at your earliest convenience. Once we have those, we can schedule a phone consultation with myself or one of my genetic counseling coworkers. We will coordinate obtaining the DNA samples after we have had the phone consultation. At that point we can also check your benefits with Kaiser, to see if they will provide pre-authorization.

We have also worked with families requiring/using sperm donors. Please keep in mind that we will need to obtain a sample of DNA from the sperm donor. This can be in the form of a blood sample (if available, although it usually isn’t), or 2 vials of sperm. We need this in order to create the PGD setup, which will be specific to you and the sperm donor. This can also be coordinated after the phone consult.

So basically they need my DNA and genetic report, no problem. Two vials from our donor? $1700 but sure, okay. Genetic report from my sister? No problem. Her DNA however, is not available right now. Her DNA just landed in Israel and won't be back until it's traveled through several other countries, possibly including Italy and Germany. My mother has her genetic report and I can ask for her DNA, but I really didn't want to have to. This definitely complicates things.

This is going to be such an expensive step. It would be amazing if our clinic had some sort of risk sharing program with a guarantee but I don't think they do. At least I think it's only the money that's making me nervous/anxious. I've been essentially following an IVF protocol this whole time, I'm practically a pro at giving myself multiple injections a day, and I'll be knocked out for the egg retrieval so I won't even feel it. It's just such an expensive gamble to take and so much could go wrong.

What if last cycle was a fluke and we get no eggs? What if all my eggs carry Fragile X? What if none of our embryos survive and it's all a waste? I so hope this works, it would be such a terrible blow to do all this and still come home empty handed. It's so much to consider.

IUI #2 Failed: BFN

Well as we expected, the blood test was negative. Not pregnant, again. I still can't believe that not one of the 148 million sperm could find one of the seven eggs waiting for them. That's some seriously rotten luck.

So now we need to decide what to do. Prepare for IVF? Keep doing IUI? I don't know what the right choice is. In theory I should start another cycle so I can continue the back to back cycle boost. I'm leaning towards starting the PGD process while doing another IUI, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I just emailed Dr. K so we'll see what she says.

Too True

Maybe the third try will be our lucky cycle. We're still under the national average of 4 IUI attempts per pregnancy. It's pretty hard to keep a positive outlook in the face of all these negatives, but the pain of not trying and having no chance is much worse than the pain of trying and failing.

TWW: BFN Or Too Early?

At 6:30 this morning I woke up and had to pee so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep. I had a silent internal debate with myself - should I test with a 6 hour hold? Did it count as FMU if I intended to sleep another 6 hours? I finally sucked it up, went pee, and took the test.

At first glance I saw the control line come up and a stark white test area. Negative. I put it away and decided to go back to sleep where I felt miserable and tried to convince myself it's still too early. Once I finally fell back asleep, I dreamt that I woke up, looked again and the test was positive. No such luck in real life. I woke up, E and I checked it, and it's still as negative as ever. 

There are now two possibilities:

1. I'm not pregnant. Fuck. 

2. I didn't ovulate on the day of the IUI so it's actually earlier than 11 DPO and too soon to test. 

Either way, that negative feels just a shitty as I anticipated. How could 148 million sperm and 7 eggs fail to meet up? If this really is a negative, I need to call our clinic and start asking questions about the experience of their embryologist and how often they do PGD cycles. I really don't think I can justify another IUI cycle at $4,000 per cycle but I also don't want to waste any time. Maybe we should start building the probe now and try one or two more IUI cycles while they build it, just in case. 

TWW: Happy 4th of July! Too Chicken to Test

After we did our IUI this cycle, I felt SO confident. There was no way we weren't pregnant with 7 eggs split between both tubes and 148 million sperm, it was practically impossible. But as time wore on, I've gone from "We're totally pregnant!" to "Well...what if we aren't??" to ""Oh nooo, I just know it didn't work!". I'm feeling pretty lame about it right now and I've been too chicken to test today. 10 DPO is still pretty early, and I think staring at yet another negative stick would be so depressing. Trying to convince myself that there might be the shadow of a line on a stark white pregnancy test is not an enjoyable experience.

I'm over-thinking every twinge, every symptom, or the lack of symptoms like a crazy person. Last cycle the progesterone made my boobs hurt SO BAD. This cycle they're only mildly uncomfortable. Does that mean something? Last cycle I had a lot of cramping at this point, it was probably my period trying to break through the progesterone. This cycle I have had very mild cramping overall and almost no cramping now. But then yesterday I felt some pulling twinges on my left side, could those be my period? Does that mean anything? And Wednesday night my cat Button, who usually sleeps on my head or chest, planted herself firmly over my uterus and slept there instead. What does she know??? Last night my other cat Cillian did the same thing, he normally sleeps on my feet but instead slept right on my lower stomach, much to the dismay of Button who had wanted to sleep there again. Does he know something too??? I don't know! It's impossible to not notice this crap even though the knowledge does nothing to help and I can't answer any of my own questions.

This would be awesome. No squinting necessary!

I'm also nervous because if this didn't work, I think the road ahead is going to get much more complicated. While we had initially planned on doing 4 IUIs, we weren't expecting to have to spend SO much on medication for each cycle. I was also unaware of the boost you can get from the medication still in your system from the previous months attempt. Last cycle we spent about $3,000 on meds and got one egg. This cycle we spent around $4,000 on meds but got 7 eggs, probably from a combination of the medication still in my system, the birth control suppression, the higher dose of medication, the acupuncture, and the acupuncture herbs. That's $7,000 on two unsuccessful cycles that we could have put towards IVF and I don't think it would pay to spend another $4,000 - $5,000 on IUI.

If this cycle didn't work, I wouldn't want to lose the boost from this cycle by taking time off. With the higher dose of medication floating around in my system,  I would have a better chance of getting a decent amount of eggs than if I took a cycle off. It would also take forever to build the probe for PGD and we'd have to go through the PGD approval process at Kaiser. The idea of waiting so many more months to get pregnant is just awful. What I'd need to find out is whether it's possible to freeze biopsy samples in preparation for PGD, since people usually build the probe before doing the IVF cycle. It's so much to consider. 

Milou is not glad it's 4th of July

Hopefully I'm already pregnant and we won't need to go there. The blood test is Sunday and I think I need to know before that, which leaves tomorrow as the day to test. That gives me about 13 hours to work up the nerve to squint at yet another stick. Oh boy.

TWW: Getting Antsy and ANGRY

Here I am, 9 DPO and I'm starting to get antsy. E asked me the other day when I could start testing, he wanted to know as soon as possible and was hoping it would be soon. I looked it up on my Fertility Friend calendar, as if I haven't been counting the hours, and told him the soonest I could possibly expect a result was Thursday, at 10 DPO, and even that was pretty early. 

According to countdowntopregnancy.com, If I am pregnant, I have a 67% chance of getting a positive and a 33% chance of getting a false negative at 10 DPO. 33% is still a pretty high margin for error so I'm nervous to test with those odds. I think I'd rather wait until at least Friday.

In the meantime, I'm still fuming over SCOTUS and Hobby Lobby. I just can't accept a world in which we legalize gender discrimination and grant corporations personhood. For those thinking it would just be IUDs and the morning after pill that got the shaft, think again:

"The Supreme Court on Tuesday confirmed that its decision a day earlier extending religious rights to closely held corporations applies broadly to the contraceptive coverage requirement in the new health care law, not just the handful of methods the justices considered in their ruling. 

The justices did not comment in leaving in place lower court rulings in favor of businesses that object to covering all 20 methods of government-approved contraception. […]

The justices also ordered lower courts that ruled in favor of the Obama administration to reconsider those decisions in light of Monday's 5-4 decision." (Source)

I'm so angry. So, so, so angry. And disgusted, and angry all over again. Need an IUD to help prevent cervical cancer? Nope! Need birth control pills to help regulate your hormones? Nope! Got raped? No morning after pill coverage for you! Need birth control because you have a genetic condition that causes half your babies to have horrible defects? Nope, no coverage! DON'T WANT TO GET PREGNANT? NO.  NO COVERAGE FOR YOU.

FUCK America, what the fuck are you thinking?? I don't know how this happened, how we could have such a horrific setback in women's rights. 

If you've got a penis though, don't worry, they've still got your back Hobby Lobby is happy to keep paying for vasectomies and Viagra.

Fuck.

TWW: Disgusted With Our Courts

As I'm sure everyone has heard by now, our highest court system recently ruled in favor of Hobby Lobby and it's religious right to decide whether female employees should have employer funded access to certain contraceptives.  It is now legal for "religious", closely held, corporations to jeopardize the health of women they employ by denying them access to basic reproductive health benefits if their religious beliefs conflict with a woman's right to contraception as guaranteed by law. As we all know, those dangerous IUDs are likely to climb right out of those women's uteri, kill some babies and attack the executives in their beds. They have to be stopped! All in the name of corporate personhood and Christianity. Disgusting.

I am equally appalled that this ruling was handed down by 5 men, whose decision implies that discriminating against women is not discrimination as long as you do it for religious reasons. And oh yeah, their vasectomies are still covered, so no harm, no foul. The 3 women and 1 man in the dissenting minority filed a dissent outlining not only the violation of women's rights, but the danger that this ruling could be applied to other religious objections:

Justice Ginsburg’s Dissent

"Would the exemption the Court holds RFRA demands for employers with religiously grounded objections to the use of certain contraceptives extend to employers with religiously grounded objections to blood transfusions (Jehovah’s Witnesses); antidepressants (Scientologists); medications derived from pigs, including anesthesia, intravenous fluids, and pills coated with gelatin (certain Muslims, Jews, and Hindus); and vaccinations (Christian Scientists, among others)?"

(Source)

Although the ruling in it's current form specifies that it applies only to contraceptives right now, how is the court system supposed to decide which religious objections should be accommodated and which shouldn't? It's a dangerous, slippery slope.

Nancy Pelosi, the house minority leader and my representative here in California called the ruling an “outrageous step against the rights of America's women." Although only those employed by Hobby Lobby are most immediately effected, it's impossible to know the long lasting consequences. Since The Affordable Care Act in 2010 (ObamaCare) mandated that insurance companies provide a basic health care package including contraceptives, over 70 lawsuits were filed and there are still 48 pending in the courts right now. An estimated 90% of corporations in America are closely-held corporations and together they account for 52% of our workforce. What is to stop them all from filing religious exemption suits to deny their female employees coverage?

I am truly disgusted with our court system right now. How could they do this to women? As someone who already has little control over their reproductive health, it's staggering to me that the courts feel my employers have a right to interfere with my medical decisions.  What about those people who chose contraceptive devices like IUDs for medical reasons? Why should their right to proper health care be superseded by their boss' view on contraceptives? The discrimination is staggering. According to courts and health care system right now, infertility is not a disease for which you should receive coverage and your boss can decide what kind of contraception your insurance should offer. Disgusting.