TWW: Happy 4th of July! Too Chicken to Test

After we did our IUI this cycle, I felt SO confident. There was no way we weren't pregnant with 7 eggs split between both tubes and 148 million sperm, it was practically impossible. But as time wore on, I've gone from "We're totally pregnant!" to "Well...what if we aren't??" to ""Oh nooo, I just know it didn't work!". I'm feeling pretty lame about it right now and I've been too chicken to test today. 10 DPO is still pretty early, and I think staring at yet another negative stick would be so depressing. Trying to convince myself that there might be the shadow of a line on a stark white pregnancy test is not an enjoyable experience.

I'm over-thinking every twinge, every symptom, or the lack of symptoms like a crazy person. Last cycle the progesterone made my boobs hurt SO BAD. This cycle they're only mildly uncomfortable. Does that mean something? Last cycle I had a lot of cramping at this point, it was probably my period trying to break through the progesterone. This cycle I have had very mild cramping overall and almost no cramping now. But then yesterday I felt some pulling twinges on my left side, could those be my period? Does that mean anything? And Wednesday night my cat Button, who usually sleeps on my head or chest, planted herself firmly over my uterus and slept there instead. What does she know??? Last night my other cat Cillian did the same thing, he normally sleeps on my feet but instead slept right on my lower stomach, much to the dismay of Button who had wanted to sleep there again. Does he know something too??? I don't know! It's impossible to not notice this crap even though the knowledge does nothing to help and I can't answer any of my own questions.

This would be awesome. No squinting necessary!

I'm also nervous because if this didn't work, I think the road ahead is going to get much more complicated. While we had initially planned on doing 4 IUIs, we weren't expecting to have to spend SO much on medication for each cycle. I was also unaware of the boost you can get from the medication still in your system from the previous months attempt. Last cycle we spent about $3,000 on meds and got one egg. This cycle we spent around $4,000 on meds but got 7 eggs, probably from a combination of the medication still in my system, the birth control suppression, the higher dose of medication, the acupuncture, and the acupuncture herbs. That's $7,000 on two unsuccessful cycles that we could have put towards IVF and I don't think it would pay to spend another $4,000 - $5,000 on IUI.

If this cycle didn't work, I wouldn't want to lose the boost from this cycle by taking time off. With the higher dose of medication floating around in my system,  I would have a better chance of getting a decent amount of eggs than if I took a cycle off. It would also take forever to build the probe for PGD and we'd have to go through the PGD approval process at Kaiser. The idea of waiting so many more months to get pregnant is just awful. What I'd need to find out is whether it's possible to freeze biopsy samples in preparation for PGD, since people usually build the probe before doing the IVF cycle. It's so much to consider. 

Milou is not glad it's 4th of July

Hopefully I'm already pregnant and we won't need to go there. The blood test is Sunday and I think I need to know before that, which leaves tomorrow as the day to test. That gives me about 13 hours to work up the nerve to squint at yet another stick. Oh boy.

TWW: We Meet Again, Endometrin

This morning marked the beginning of Endometrin round two. Oh most hated adversary, we meet again at last. I knew this day would come.

dun Dun DUN!!!

I know that this particular medication shouldn't be a big deal, it's not an injection or something particularly painful, but it's still, by far, the most obnoxious medication I need to take. Let's run through the side effects according to the manufacturer:

• mild nausea, vomiting, bloating, stomach cramps;
• diarrhea, constipation, bloating;
• dizziness, drowsiness, tired feeling;
• pain in your vaginal or rectal area;
• pain during intercourse;
• loss of interest in sex;
• breast pain, swelling, or tenderness;
• joint or muscle pain;
• increased night-time urination; or
• vaginal itching, burning, or discharge.

If you look carefully, many of these symptoms mimic early pregnancy symptoms. A super cruel joke to play on the woman who is desperately hoping to find out she's pregnant, examining every cramp and hiccup as a possible indicator that this cycle was a success. Others are just horrible sounding, and I count myself lucky that I only experience the mild ones. Last cycle I had to deal with bloating, cramps, tiredness, all the time peeing, crazy sore boobies, and the lack of sex and general grossness that comes with having a pill up your ladybits that dissolves throughout the day, necessitating the wearing of panty liners. Can we saw EW? EW.

At least my injections were a brief inconvenience, a moment of pain that was mostly gone in under a minute.  Twice daily Endometrin, on the other hand, is the gift that just keeps on giving. For a minimum of two weeks, and a maximum of 10 weeks if I do get pregnant. This is one medication I could seriously do without, if I wasn't willing to do anything possible to get and stay pregnant.

Little cells that should be dividing in there, this is all for you. E, I apologize for the lack of sexy time in your future. Only 8 more days till I can pee on a stick and hopefully find out that we're pregnant (if it's not too early), making all of this worth it. I can't give headspace to the next leg of our journey if we are successful, so I'm focusing everything on that positive test. 

Update: I took an HPT this afternoon and got a clear negative, which means the trigger is flushed out of my system. Any positive we get should be genuine from here on out!

TWW: Light Bulb

I started acupuncture at the same time as my first IUI, including the acupuncture diet. I've posted about it before, it's fairly restrictive, cuts out all white flour and sugars and emphasizes proteins and veggies. My breakfast on this diet was usually soup or eggs, or more specifically, egg whites with some whole eggs mixed in. Eggs were never my favorite food, especially after I burned out on them doing the Atkins diet in 2004, and I never ate just egg whites. Still, I figured it couldn't be too bad and started eating them on mornings where I didn't have soup, 50% whole egg and 50% egg white from a carton.

Scrambled Eggies

Some days, I ended up with a really awful tummy ache, complete with nausea and frequent trips to the bathroom. It would start about an hour after my breakfast and last 3-6 long, uncomfortable hours. I blamed it on the Menopur (it's so many hormones) on the herbs (I took them on an empty stomach) and on the prenatals and vitamins (lots of people get an upset stomach from prenatals). I tried to eat lots of acid absorbing foods like rice cakes and wheat toast just in case it was from not eating a lot of carbs, but nothing helped.  I'd just have to wait it out, feeling wretched and telling myself it was worth it if we got pregnant. I'd spend these days working from home, usually curled in a ball and miserable. Ugh.

This morning, it happened again. I made scrambled eggs and turkey bacon for breakfast at 10:30 and by 11:30 my stomach was starting to hurt. I assumed my curled-ball position and prepared for a miserable time when I realized something didn't add up. I hadn't taken any Menopur, acupuncture herbs or my vitamins today. In fact, the only thing I'd had was the eggs and turkey bacon. And then the light bulb went on. I only get this horrible stomach ache on days when I have eggs for breakfast. The worst stomach aches were from days when I had organic, cage free eggs mixed with egg whites for breakfast, on an empty stomach. It's not the hormones or the vitamins or anything else causing the horrible stomach aches. It's the eggs. An egg intolerance, or more likely and intolerance to egg whites. Ding Ding Ding.

Adding this photo was an entirely necessary edit.

Trying to be healthy and follow the diet, I've been making myself miserable and sick. I've never had a problem with eggs cooked in something, like egg noddles or baked goods, but on their own they now leave me a miserable, stomach clutching mess. Egg intolerance or sensitivity, unlike an egg allergy, is apparently developed later in life. They usually result in a mild IgG reaction, like my stomach ache, nausea and upset stomach. It all makes so much sense and means that I got really lucky and had very few actual symptoms from the Menopur.

No More Eggs for Breakfast

Next time I see my doctor, I'm going to ask for an egg sensitivity test to egg whites and egg yolks. If I'm lucky, maybe this is just a temporary sensitivity that will go away, eggs are such an easy source of protein, it would be a shame to cut them out even if I don't love them. In the meantime, I'm striking plain eggs from the menu. I'm hoping that at 2DPIUI, several little eggs are fertilized and starting cleavage or compaction, unaffected by my miserable stomach. Come on little ones, I promise things aren't always so upset in there!

Embryogenesis, hopefully my little ones are fertilized and dividing as above in day 2!

TWW: IUI #2 Protocol

This cycle we went with the "Nuclear Option" and bombarded my ovaries with the maximum dose of Menopur. It was a big, somewhat expensive, gamble but it paid off and I ended up recruiting an unprecedented 7 follicles! I really think this is going to be our lucky cycle. If not, I think we'd definitely follow this protocol or a similar one again since it produced such good results.

Here's the protocol we followed this cycle:

CD 1:                   No Meds
CD 2:                   Base Ultrasound, 6 antral follicles visible (Acupuncture)
CD 2 - CD 11:     Birth Control Pills
CD 12 - CD 14:   No Meds
CD 15 - CD 18:   8 vials Menopur, 600ul, divided into 2 doses daily (Acupuncture)
CD 19:                 E2 220 and Ultrasound, 5 small follicles visible 
CD 19 - CD 20:   8 vials Menopur, 600ul, divided into 2 doses daily
CD 21:                 E2 538 and Ultrasound, 7 maturing follicles visible, 10-14mm
CD 21 - CD 23:   6 vials of Menopur, 450ul
CD 23:                 E2 926 and Ultrasound, 7 maturing follicles visible, 13-15mm (Acupuncture)
CD 24:                 E2 1476 and Ultrasound, 7 maturing follicles visible, dominant follies 17-19mm
CD 24:                 Ovidrel Trigger Shot
CD 25:                 No Meds
CD 26:                 IUI #2, count 148 million with 70% motility (Acupuncture)
CD 27:                 Acupuncture
CD 28 - CD 38:   Endometrin twice daily (Progesterone Suppositories)
CD 30:                 Acupuncture
CD 37:                 Acupuncture
CD 39:                 Pregnancy Test


I had another acupuncture appointment today, CD 27, with a different acupuncturist since S was unavailable. I've seen her once before and she's also really good, with a little more emphasis on the Chinese MEDICINE aspect and a little less on the mind-body-spirit thing. It might be because I told her about my background in Science and she is tailoring her approach to my needs. Either way, I appreciate it! Her needles always hurt a little more because she places each one very precisely, but I can tell she's hitting the points when I have a reflexive twitch or feel increased blood flow to the area. This time there were 5 needles in my ear, which is apparently a point for the uterus. Crazy cool stuff.

Looking at the schedule all laid out, there's no way I'm going to be waiting the whole two weeks to test.  I'm thinking I'll test for the trigger in a day or two to make sure it's flushing out and then test for a positive at around 11 days, July 4th. A positive would be such a nice Independence Day surprise! 

Go, Baby, Go!

IUI number 2 is complete and I feel super psyched and so hopeful about this cycle! It's been a long day for E and I, we had to be up early to meet the nurse at 8:30am to deliver our cryotank. She took my vitals, had me sign the consent form and then gave us about two hours to kill. Since we didn't want to sit around in the waiting room, we drove to the nearby coffee bean and had some breakfast. I'm absolutely in love with their chai latte with almond coconut milk, it's delicious :)

After breakfast it was back to the waiting room to wait some more. They were running really behind today and had a ton of patients to see. We finally went back to a room and Nurse C joined us with her  trainee nurse, Nurse M, who will be replacing Nurse C when she retires.  She's really nice and I enjoy her bedside manner a lot, but she's not quite as good as Nurse C. Nurse M put my speculum in wrong, OW, and Nurse C had to reposition it and take over the IUI later when Nurse M couldn't get the catheter in.

Before we got down to business, Nurse C asked us to confirm our donor number and make sure everything was labeled correctly. Our count this time was phenomenal, 148 million with 70% motility post thaw! Last cycle was only 50 million with 50% motility so I'm feeling much more confident about our swimmers this time. Come on boys (and girls!), you can do it!

Our tiny vial, this thing cost $850

Nurse M tried to insert the flexible catheter but seemed to have difficulty with the internal portion of my cervix. It was pretty uncomfortable, though not painful, to have her poking around and I was relieved and felt much better about Nurse C taking over. Nurse M had the speculum jammed straight in, instead of following the natural curve of your body, and I didn't realize how poorly it was positioned until Nurse C adjusted it down and my legs dropped like 6 inches. She swapped the catheter out for a stiffer one, popped it right in on the first go and said

"Here we go! There go your little guys, and gals!"

This time, we chose to inspire our swimmers with the classic 80's movie soundtrack of Look Who's Talking while I laid with me knees up for 30 minutes:

I hope they were inspired by the Beach Boys to follow the trail leading them towards all those eggs. I was a little worried about when I would ovulate and whether it had happened or not, I know many women say they can feel ovulation when they are releasing multiple eggs and I hadn't felt anything. Nurse C told me not to worry about it and she was right, as I'm typing this now at 6:30 I can feel definite uncomfortable cramping on the side where I have 5 eggs. It's starting to hurt so I'm hoping those follies are all rupturing and releasing their eggs!

After the IUI, E and I went and stuffed ourselves at The Smoke House. It's a decent steakhouse, not super high end, but full of that old school-red-booth-dim-lighting steakhouse charm. I had a little fillet with mashed potatoes, spinach and insanely delicious garlic bread while E had BBQ ribs and chicken with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. It was indulgent celebration lunch, a little off diet, and it filled the time gap between our IUI and my acupuncture appointment. We used to go all the time for celebrations when we lived in The Valley and now I drive past it on my way to acupuncture and long to stop and order that garlic bread. I was so glad I got my fix at last :)

With my tummy full to bursting and my eyes heavy, acupuncture was wonderful as usual and I slept from 2:00pm-3:30pm. S is feeling really good about this cycle too and told me that Dr. K called and asked her what on earth she was giving me to grow so many follicles so big! I love that my whole team is so supportive, it makes me feel well taken care of. While I was asleep with my needles in, E went down the street and treated himself to an ass kicking 60 minute massage where they bent and twisted him like a pretzel until he felt amazing. I'm going to have to go and try this place myself at some point, he gave it a glowing two thumbs up. 

I start my most hated Endometrin on Thursday and thus begins the dreaded two week wait. My blood test is scheduled for Sunday July 6th and I can already tell I won't be able to wait to test this time. I have acupuncture again tomorrow to help the egg and sperm find each other and then another session on Friday to help encourage implantation. I'm trying to focus on work to keep myself busy while also being careful not to stress or overexert myself. The gym is off limits, I'm not supposed to lift heavy things and I've already been tested today when I went to move a piece of furniture and realized it fell under the category of "things I shouldn't be doing" ugh. 

It's going to be a long two weeks to find out that this cycle was a success. I really think we did it this time!

Clear to Trigger!

We are a go for triggering tonight! I will be taking my Ovidrel at 10pm tonight and then I'm done with injections! I love that the syringe comes pre-filled, it's such a nice change to not have to mix a million little powders.

Ovidrel ironically next to my eggs

We need to be at Kaiser for our IUI at 8:30am on Monday so they can start prepping the sperm. Whether you give a fresh sample or a frozen one, they need to assess the sperm for washing and confirm that the counts are sufficient. The IUI itself will probably be around 10:30am and then I'll be heading to an acupuncture appointment to encourage those swimmers to swim, baby, swim!

We have our sample on ice, ready to go and I'm definitely feeling like the time is right physically. I finally have enough estrogen in my system to get some decent, trackable EWCM and I'm actually debating taking an ovulation test tonight before I trigger and tomorrow to make sure I'm not ovulating too soon on my own.

OPK Cheapies. I still have toooons of these from TTC naturally

I might be extra bold this cycle and test out my trigger to see how quickly it leaves my system. I'm feeling really good and positive about this attempt and I might be up for testing a bit early this time! I just want to make sure I won't be getting false positives from the HCG in the trigger.

Send good vibes and positive thoughts to my follicles for me, I need these little buggers to yield healthy, unaffected embryo(s)!

A Loooong Morning

At 6:45am this morning I found myself driving around in circles looking for parking. There was a massive construction zone in front of the hospital and my usual parking place was "No Parking" till after 8am. I ended up finally parking up the street at a meter that didn't start till 8, but was happy to accept every silver coin I had to get to 2 hours in case I wouldn't be able to come back down.

The ground floor was empty, not even the security guard was there, and I went up to the third floor lab to find that dark and deserted too. Not only was the floor empty, but the lab was closed on the weekend, despite what the Phone Nurse had told me yesterday. I was not at all amused and went up to the next floor where my RE's office is to ask one of the nurses if I should try another lab. This is what I saw when I stepped off the elevator:



As you can see, that door is clearly locked. There wasn't a soul on the floor to ask and even the door to the stairs was locked. I pushed the call button to get another elevator back down and the cabin was full of cheerful construction workers who were happy to joke about my appointment screw up but who said they weren't planning on unlocking the door until 11am. Well, Fuck.

I got back down to the ground floor and decided to try the medical offices next door, which I knew would have an open lab on the 3rd floor and hopefully someone I could talk to. Thankfully the lab was open, if busy, and I was able to get my E2 drawn by 7:30am. The techs were really nice but had no idea when the neighboring building would be opening back up so I went back to the ground floor and just as I was leaving, I saw a security guard who was heading out the front door. She was exactly the kind of person I had been looking for and she told me she was on her way now to unlock my floor! Yay!

We walked back over and as she was letting me in, one of the nurses showed up. By the time I had sat down in the waiting room, 3 couples who were clearly doing their IUIs today rushed in. Three more nurses followed them and another 3 couples, packing the waiting room and making it look as if the place had been open for hours.  Everyone was quietly talking to their partners but it was obvious they had been super worried when they couldn't get in. Normally Saturday is reserved for IUI procedures and I was the only one there being checked.

My ultrasound showed that my 7 follies are still in excellent shape and have grown so quickly over the past day that they surpassed our wildest expectations. Normal growth is about 1-2mm per day, but my biggest follicle had boomed from 15mm to 19mm with several 18mm and 17mm friends to keep it company.  The dominant follicles are starting to edge out and steal resources from the smaller ones, Nurse C made a joke about survival of the fittest, and I think the smallest two are now 12mm and 13mm. I was a little bummed they didn't get a nice boost in growth but it's normal progression once the dominant follicles get this large. 

My E2 came back at 1476 which is fabulous, that's 210 for each of the 7 if you assume they're equal which they're probably not. I think those bigger 19, 18, 17 follies are probably putting out more than 200 now. I'm waiting now for confirmation that I'm triggering today and am planning on the IUI happening on Monday!

So excited! We should be triggering with several mature eggs, I really think this is our month!

Cycle Acceleration!

While on my way to acupuncture this afternoon, I got a phone call from one of the nurses in the Kaiser infertility office. She had my marching orders for the next couple days and wanted to give me my instructions. I was driving so I had her on speaker and was listening for confirmation of Nurse C's instructions when this phone nurse said something completely different.

To Recap, Nurse C's Instructions:
During my appointment, Nurse C said I would require at least a couple more days of stimulation and had me order 10 more vials of Menopur. She guessed that we would be doing my IUI on Tuesday or Wednesday, and that I would be triggering on Sunday or Monday, with another appointment to check growth on Saturday. I would be continuing with my 6 vials of Menopur.

Phone Nurse's Instructions: 
Take the usual 6 vials of Menopur today and trigger on Saturday, with an IUI schedule for Monday. There would be no need to come in on Saturday.

This information did not at all jive with what Nurse C said. My E2 was good, yes, but with 7 follicles it was not the 200+ per 18mm follicle that we're looking for. It did not seem like a good idea to skip Saturday's ultrasound, this cycle and those follicles are too important to screw up. This also meant that we needed to have our donor vial on hand stat so I called the bank and placed our order over the phone. I'm so glad they store purchase history and credit card info, I never would have been able to place the order if the customer service rep didn't already have all my info in front of him.

When I got to acupuncture, I shared my concerns with my Acupuncturist S. Since she's a Certified Nurse Midwife at Kaiser, who has been there so long that she taught most of the OB/GYNs how to deliver babies (including my OB/GYN who is now the head of the department), she has an excellent relationship with most of the doctors, including Dr. K, and also happens to have her personal number. While I was on the table, having a treatment on my back this time, she gave Dr. K a call and talked over my procedure with her. I'm not sure if Dr. K had missed some notes or if she wasn't completely aware of the instructions given by Phone Nurse, but she agreed with me and S that I should be monitored on Saturday. At the very least, this would give us confirmation of the correct time to trigger so as not to leave viable eggs behind. I am incredibly grateful to have S on my team and feel much better about moving up the timeline as long as we check and make sure my eggs are mature first.

The new plan is to take 6 vials today, which I just did, and go in for another E2 draw and ultrasound at 7am tomorrow. I'm really not going to enjoy leaving the house before 6:30am but it's worth it to me to make sure these follicles are mature. If everything checks out, I have my trigger ready to go for Saturday and E has a rare day off on Monday. If they're still looking a little runty, I have more Menopur ready to go to give them a boost. Our vial will be picked up tomorrow and will be good and frosty for 5 days which gives us plenty of time. Whatever happens, we're prepared.

IUI #2 Is On!

I got a chance to speak with my RE today and she is recommending that we move forward with another IUI for this cycle! This means that if everything goes well and they continue growing, we'll be triggering with 7 mature little eggs in the next few days.

Seven follicles might seem like a lot for your average person and I can definitely see why. I have no intention of becoming the next octo(septo)mom and the potential for 7 little embryos to implant seems crazy. Most doctors suggest you trigger with one or two eggs, if you're okay with the possibility of twins, and might even cancel a cycle that showed 7 follicles. For us, this is not the case.

Back when we were first discussing IVF vs IUI, our RE Dr. K said she would be thrilled to see a 30% fertilization rate from my eggs. I'm only 27 but we don't know what shape my eggs are in because of the FXPOI, and from what I've researched, there's definitely a drop in quality in cycles where you produce tons of eggs. Someone without FXPOI might see 7 out of 15 eggs harvested fertilize and maybe 5 might make it to day 5 for freezing. I might be lucky to get 2 out of 7 and we're expecting those same odds, if not less, for IUI since the sperm won't be hand delivered to their eggs.

My hope is that with 7 potential targets for our sperm to hit, we might get super lucky and have 2 fertilize and implant. Three would give us better odds, but it's probably too much to ask for. Statistically, if our 50% odds held, one embryo would have Fragile X and the other would be healthy. Unfortunately, we all know that statistics don't hold up in small sample sizes. With two embryos we would really be just as likely to get two affected fetuses as two unaffected fetuses, and my fear is that we might end up having to terminate the whole (potential) pregnancy.

I have been mentally preparing myself for a TFMR (termination for medical reasons) since I got my Fragile X Premutation diagnosis, and although it's horrible and gut wrenching to even think about, I think it would be a lot easier to cope with if we get to take home a baby at the end. With a twin or triplet pregnancy, assuming we can get pregnant at all, I would be incredibly happy to end up with just one healthy baby. It would be horrible to have to terminate one or more affected fetuses, but we'd still get one child in the end so it would all be worth it. Getting pregnant with an affected singleton, or affected twins, having to terminate and come home with no baby, would be devastating.

For now, I'm trying to stay positive as usual, hang with my fuzzy babies, and send lots of good vibes to my follicles. I took 6 vials of Menopur today in a single injection, boy did that burn like hell, and I'll have my next appointment with my RE or nurse tomorrow morning to see how the follies are growing. They'll either be nice and mature and (just about) ready to trigger, or not quite grown and I'll need to continue stimming for a couple days.  I think I have 10 vials of Menopur left so I could do one more day of 6 or 8 vials before buying more, or two days of 5 vials if she wants me to reduce further. I'll also have acupuncture a couple hours after my appointment with Dr. K so I'll ask my acupuncturist S to do everything she can to increase blood flow to my ovaries and uterus. Fingers crossed for good results!

My waiting buddies. They're sleeping so sweetly because they jumped up on the counter while I was on a conference call and ate the four bowls of food I had laid out for dinner. Or more accurately, Fuckie(the white one) ate three bowls of dinner while Cillian ate his own. Now I get to defrost more food for the other two hungry kitties. Thanks Fuckie.  

SEVEN

I am in so much shock after my appointment this morning that I feel like I might cry. I can’t believe it, but we have SEVEN, SEVEN!!! follicles! At the beginning of this cycle, we were told not to get our hopes up for more than 1 or 2 and BAM! SEVEN beautiful, perfect follicles! I have 5 on the right, and 2 on the left and there might even have been another hiding on the left since it’s tough to get a good picture because your colon gets in the way. They looked like little bunches of dark grapes on the screen, I couldn't believe it when I saw them.


This is more than I ever thought my body would make. With FXPOI, 7 follicles might as well be a million and you’re lucky if you get even 1. After tons of Menopur injections yielding only 1 follicle last month, we figured this cycle would be, the nuclear option, would be a hail mary to see if I was even capable of making multiple eggs. I hoped that maybe 3, or secretly even 4 out of the original 5 small follicles would continue to grow, but I never dreamed it would work this well. I'm over the moon, completely overwhelmed and so, so hopeful.

They’re all growing at the same rate, between 10-14mm, and my E2 was 537 so all this Menopur is paying off! This is fabulous growth after only 2 more days of stimms and she didn't bother putting in another order for more Menopur, I might not need it! This makes the 2 daily injections, the bruises, the stomach pain,  the crazy bloat, the blood draws and early mornings all worth it. We could really have a shot this month to get a baby.


I am waiting on my call back now to see if I’m going in tomorrow or Friday morning and E and I need to discuss our options. He’s leaning towards doing IUI and hoping for multiples, with the hope that if we got pregnant with twins or triplets at least one might be healthy and unaffected.  I do agree it would be a pretty good shot, but I’m hesitant to lose the chance to potentially harvest 7 eggs. We could always follow the same protocol next month if we’re unsuccessful this month and harvest then, but it almost seems like too good an opportunity to pass up!

Either way, I’m so hopeful that this will be it!!

Off To A Good Start!

This mornings ultrasound and lab work yielded some pretty promising results! It's too early to tell for sure because my follicles are still really small, but there were five little follies visible! FIVE! She measured two of them and noted the other three, but I was exceptionally pleased. All this Menopur hasn't been for nothing! My E2 labs were also really promising, 220 at first draw! Last cycle my E2 was only 68 at first draw so 220 sounds absolutely fabulous, there's definitely some good eggs developing in there.

I picked up 20 more vials for the next two days, another $1,158.01 on the credit card. The pharmacist ringing me up scanned the Menopur, looked at the monitor, her eyes went wide and she said:

"Uhh...are you aware of the cost of the medication?..." 

"You mean the fact that it's $1200 for two days worth? Yup"

"OH GOOD, I didn't want to say it..."

The other pharmacist next to her looked over and commented on the cost too, but then she recognized the Menopur, smiled and said:

"Don't worry, it's for a good cause, and it will all be worth it in the end"

I know our bill is going to be crazy high this month, but I can't help agreeing with her. What's a couple extra thousand when it compares to having a child? If we're successful, it will indeed be worth it in the end.

 

Blah

Today was much more of a blah day then yesterday.

I woke up to what definitely looked like a light period, complete with miserable cramps and since E and I are dog/house sitting, I had no pads and there is apparently not one single Advil or Tylenol in the house. Today makes day 11 of this month's "period," which sucks no matter how you look at it. It started as soon as I stopped the progesterone like it should have, but then I started the birth control on CD 2. I bled through CD 4, spotted through CD 7, and then thought it was done until I stopped the birth control. I was being too optimistic since it started right back up and I've been spotting CD 14 - today, CD 17. I feel like I should be looking this up or asking other people following an IVF-ish protocol if they've experienced the same thing, but biologically it makes sense. Stupid period, why don't you go disappear for 9 months -_-

After determining that I would need to go buy some supplies, I felt rushed through this mornings shot. I was running late to meet up with our old vet to pick up our animal's charts and had tried to stick myself three times before realizing that the needle must be a dud. It acted just fine when I primed the injection, but must have been dull or slightly bent since it absolutely refused to go in. Ouch. I'm now one needle short, since I had an exact amount, and am going to have to buy more next time I'm at Kaiser.

Won't you throw my ball for me? See how cute I am in this tiny bed?

Revisiting the topic of side effects, I can't tell if I didn't get enough sleep or if the Menopur is making me crazy tired. I feel drowsy, like I can't fully wake up, and I can't seem to shake it off. I tried napping, was unsuccessful, and have felt "ugh" and "blah" all day. I would try to put it more eloquently, but I can't summon the energy required to do so. Blah it is. Poor Milou seems to be feeding off my energy,  she's been laying around looking at me all mopey and sad, even though she had her favorite class, Agility, today.  Now I just feel guilty that I'm bumming out my puppy, completing the circle of "blah".

Blah puppy. Sorry Milou

Update: I just administered my evening injection and was greeted with the unwelcome sight of little round bruises :( I was really lucky with my first cycle and managed to not get a single bruise on my belly. This time I have one on each side to go with the little red pin marks from the blunt needle and my previous injections. I really hope they don't linger, the designated injection area is so small that I'm going to have to inject on top of bruises if they don't fade quickly.   

IUI Take Two, The (Second) First Injection

This mornings injection, the first one of our second cycle, went pretty well. Mixing everything up was second nature at this point, and it was nice to only have to mix 4 vials at once. E is off work today, his first off day in forever, so he was able to keep me company while I did it. It was a really wonderful change.

The injection itself wasn't too bad, but I did feel a little out of practice. I felt that edgy sense of panic rise up for a second right before I stuck the needle in, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. I need to try and remember how I sat last time for the most comfortable injection, the needle was a little uncomfortable in my skin and I couldn't tell if I was sitting wrong or just needed to desensitize myself a bit. It burned going in as usual, but like before it's nothing unbearable if I go slowly. I'll probably try a different position for my injection tonight to see if it helps.

4 Days of Menopur, so many vials!

To try and limit skin irritation, I'm going to trade off sides in the morning and evenings. This morning I injected on the right side, so I'll do tonight's injection on the left. Last cycle I did one side per day to give the skin time to heal, but that won't be possible with two injections daily instead of one.

I'm also unnecessarily concerned that I'll forget to do one of the injections. Last cycle I was so strict and focused it felt like tunnel vision. I'm trying to be more relaxed about this one. I'm "cheating" on the acupuncture diet, although I'm still faithfully taking my supplements and drinking my tea, and I'm trying not to stress about things. Tomorrow I have acupuncture and I go in for my E2 ultrasound and labs on Monday morning.