9dp5/6dt - Still two lines!

I tested again this morning with another crappy old cheapie since the tests that bestie mailed still haven't arrived. One package has literally been sitting and collecting dust in my local FedEx office but they won't let me go pick it up. Super annoyed with FedEx right now. Even though yesterdays tests were positive, I think I held my breath from the appearance of the control line to the moment the second line popped up. It still feels surreal, though I'm doing my best to enjoy it in the here and now.

The lines look purple because I took the photo after the tests were dry. I think the lines are getting darker!

I also received my cloth pad order from Cozy Folk! I took a chance and ordered a couple postpartum/overnight sized pads along with my liners, telling myself that I could always use them just as overnight pads. If all continues to go well, I'll actually get to use them postpartum :) I bought two 14" heavies and two 12" moderates. The colors and patterns are super bright and adorable but her design is something I've never seen before!

Two 14" on the left, two 12" on the right

I'm not sure if you can tell because I snapped these photos quickly but her pads are backed in Wind Pro fleece with a raw edge. The backing extends past the core as it does in most pads, but instead of continuing the absorbent top material to the edge, she finishes the top fabric edges a couple cms in from the backing edges. I think this is done to prevent leaking off the edge, the backing fabric is water resistant so it won't absorb any liquid, although the single layer around the edges feels somewhat flimsy and floppy compared to the double layers on other pads. In theory, I think liquid will bead and head towards the core and the soft edges will probably be pretty comfortable.

For liners, I decided to try minky, which is especially stain resistant, because I ordered them before I started the Endometrin. I think they'll be just fine and comfy but my plain cotton topped liners have actually been the best for Endometrin thus far. As it dissolves, the pill comes out as a sort of chalky, powdery paste that gets caught in the fibers of longer fabrics but rinses easily off plain, flat cotton. I actually prefer the flannel for my period, but thus far the smooth cotton fabrics win for suppositories. I'll have to see how the minky does tomorrow.

Sorry for the crappy photo!

More importantly, tomorrow is my first official beta! I've been trying to keep my mind off of it so I stay relaxed but it's much easier said than done. I'm not really nervous, but I feel like I'm filled with restless energy. I keep sitting down and then popping back up and I can't seem to settle down.  Unfortunately, walking around a lot seems to give me more little cramps so I feel reluctant to get it out by taking the dog for a walk or something similar.  I might try packing since E and I are heading to San Diego for a couple days for E's work. I'm hoping relaxing in the hotel will be a nice distraction to waiting for my levels to rise for the next anticipated beta on Monday. Or I could end up pacing the room, sitting down and popping back up just like I'm doing here. When does it stop? When my betas rise correctly? When we see a heartbeat? When we get to 12 weeks? When do I relax, or do you never really relax after IVF?

8dp5/6dt - I DID A THING

AHHHHH!!  Do you see it?? These tests are super expired, and it's really, really early, today would only be 3 weeks 6 days, but I see a line on all three tests! We have to keep our cool, it's so early and my betas aren't until Friday and Monday so we won't even know if my HCG levels are high enough to be a viable baby. I've just never had a positive pregnancy test before!

I know at this point that it could be a chemical or an ectopic or any number of other things but for right now, in this moment, I think I'm pregnant! And if that wasn't enough, the doorbell rang and it was a gorgeous bouquet of red roses from one of my besties who knew I was having trouble getting through the two week wait. 

She included a really sweet card and that just about did me in, my hormones can't take this kind of sweetness when I'm this full of emotion already. I couldn't even call her to say thank you, by the time I got my myself together I was at Milou's class where no one knows what we're doing, so I had to text her. She also put some pregnancy tests in the mail for me and they will hopefully arrive tomorrow. That way I have more sticks to pee on before the beta so I can make myself wonderfully crazy over how dark the line is. In the meantime I'm both elated and exhausted, with a healthy dose of sharp little cramps thrown in to remind me that my embie baby is in there doing stuff. 

I can't believe this is really happening. After everything, our embryo is actually sticking!

7dp5/6dt - Spotting Vanished!

Yesterday, even though I know it's normal, the pink spotting was really freaking me the fuck out. It finally, mercifully, stopped after a little over an hour, and I haven't seen even the tiniest trace of it since although I'm still holding my breath every time I pee. I know logically that since it was pink, it was probably from my cervix which has to be supremely pissed off from all the progesterone I've been shoving up there.

The blood was also somewhat streaky, meaning there's a good chance it could be implantation bleeding, a small bleed from the embryo burrowing into the uterine lining and shoving some aside as it gets cozy. You usually get implantation bleeding about 10-14 days after conception, although it's a little different with IVF. I got my spotting 12 days after ovulation, which fits perfectly into that window had we conceived naturally, 6 days after we put our embryo back. If it is implantation bleeding, it could also have been from a couple days before and it just took a little while to make it's way out.

I wasn't going to post a photo because Ewww but then while I was googling implantation bleeding photos for several hours last night I found myself increasingly frustrated that more people hadn't posted their own gross photos. How could I compare my spotting if no one shared theirs?? Did my spotting look normal? Did someone else experience the same thing and have a healthy baby in there? I needed answers! The few people who did post photos, usually on message boards, didn't update the same thread with the outcome which was incredibly obnoxious. So, I decided after much thought to go ahead and post my photo, for the next person out there googling implantation bleeding and freaking out. I promise you I'll update when it turns out that this was implantation bleeding and I have a healthy little fighter in there.

Still, it is a little TMI for many people, so I'm going to post it after the jump so no one gets their sensibilities offended. If you don't want to see blood on a tissue, DO NOT proceed.

6dp5/6dt - Spotting and Cramping

Today, on my way home from acupuncture, I started to experience some mild cramping. It isn't awful but it is more cramping than I've had this whole cycle. I was hoping it was just uterine growing pains until I got home, peed, and noticed pink spotting.

I freaked out, wiped again, and to my great dismay, there was more. I know spotting is extremely common, some crazy high number like 90% of women on vaginal progesterone experience spotting, but that doesn't make it less scary. My only consolation is that the spotting was definitely pink, which is most often implantation spotting or cervical bleeding, usually due to irritation from the Endometrin. Brown spotting is old blood, not worrying, and red blood is obviously concerning since it's usually a period, miscarriage or sub-chronic hematoma.

As long as the bleeding doesn't turn red, I think we're still in the game. My beta isn't until the end of the week and it's only Monday, my nerves might not last until then if this keeps up. I'm hoping with everything that this is implantation bleeding and cramping from our embryo getting good and cozy and not my period trying to break through.

Please, please stick baby. Please, please, please! I'm back in bed drinking tons of water per my acupuncturist and am going to have to take it easy for the rest of the week. Come on baby, you have to stick!

4dp5/6dt - Out of the house

After four days at home, I finally journeyed outside the house today! I went to work at a client's house for a few hours, so not super exciting but still something interesting. It wasn't bad, but my tummy did start to feel tender and kind of sensitive towards the end - it's not in my stomach like a digestive upset, but in my physical belly. I don't want things touching it or pressing against it.

That brings our progesterone symptoms to:

• Tender, sensitive tummy
• Twinges, pokes and little cramps
• Minor hormonalness
• Hunger, I wake up hungry every morning
• Thirst
• Major bloating, my belly is huuuuuge
• Heartburn?

There are probably a few I'm not thinking of since I'm pretty tired, (haha I should add exhaustion to the list) but none are coming to mind at the moment. I'm going to try another little outing tomorrow, some walking around for a couple hours, and see how that goes. Our little embryo should be nice and cozy now and I'm still on the fence about whether I should test early or not. If I test early and it's negative, that will be devastating, but  if  when it's positive I will get to see a positive pregnancy test for the first time ever. It's a tough call.

3dp5/6dt - Crazy Cady Lady

Today, Cillian has been downright obsessed with my belly. He wants to lay on it, kneed it, nuzzle it and sleep on it all day long. He's not an aloof kitty by any means but he doesn't usually spend his days with me when there is sunshine to sleep in and kitty siblings to play with. Even Soximus Prime has been belly obsessed, he climbed onto my belly while I was trying to pee and went to sleep! So naturally, instead of assuming it's because my belly is especially squishy, warm and tempting from the progesterone, it gets me wondering: can cats smell early pregnancy hormones?

Oh, you wanted to pee? No, I don't think so, I'm sleeping here

Unfortunately, Pubmed doesn't seem to have a lot of information on feline recognition of early pregnancy factor, an immunosuppressant produced after conception and later by the implanted embryo. Nor is there a lot of information on feline recognition of HCG, the hormone produced after implantation. Still! If dogs and cats can smell high and low blood sugar on the breath, cancer in urine samples, or sense electrical impulses, I'm sure they can smell the hormone changes associated with pregnancy.

Although it's only been a few days and my belly is super squishy and tempting, I'm gonna choose to believe that our embie has implanted nice and secure and our fuzzies are sensing the changes. Maybe they're smelling some rising HCG levels!

2dp5/6dt - Antsy Already

Today I am still sitting in bed. Sitting and trying to distract myself from thoughts of embryos and implantation with cheesy cable movies and HGTV reruns. Every so often, between episodes of House Hunters and You've Got Mail, I try one of those visualization techniques where I picture the embryo implanting and establishing a good blood supply. Burrow in deep little embie.

Right now, there's hopefully a whole combination of things going on to adhere our embie to my uterine wall. The first step, the attachment, occurs when the outer cells of our blast attach to my endometrium, or the first layers of the uterine lining sometime around 6-10 days after ovulation. The lining sort of swells up to meet the embryo and the embryo coasts down the uterine wall to the best spot. Once they're adhered in place, the embie releases enzymes that break down the the cells of my lining to let the embie into my uterine wall where they'll begin exchanging hormones and start the early development of the placenta.

(Source)

A lot of women have pink or brown spotting around this time that they usually refer to as implantation bleeding. Sometimes that makes sense if it's 6-10 days after ovulation, but other times it doesn't really line up which makes me think it could also be cervical irritation from the vaginal progesterone so many IVF patients are on. I haven't had any spotting yet but believe me, I'm looking out for it just in case. We're right in that implantation window and with all the twinges and tiny cramps I'm feeling, I'd love some insight as to what's going on in there!

1dp5/6dt - R&R

Today is the first day after our transfer or 1 day post 5 day transfer. After transfer I received two sets of instructions - one from Dr. D and one from my acupuncturist S. Dr. D recommends 48 hours of bed rest post transfer, not super strict but definitely stay home and chill in bed. S's advice was actually more cautious, she wants her patients to have 4 full days off during which they're supposed to stay home and relax. For me, not only does this mean I'm home in bed, it also means Milou misses both of her classes and her vet appointment. Poor little lady, but there isn't anything I wouldn't do to help this embie stick.

I was feeling pretty normal for progesterone, hungry, bloated and almost a little crampy, until this afternoon when something randomly upset my stomach. I have no idea what it was, I'm not on any new medication nor have I eaten anything different, but I was stuck in the bathroom feeling miserable for an hour. I'm really hoping my embie is still nice and safe in there, in theory an upset stomach shouldn't effect them but I still worry. It's probably just the hormones and the juice I drank with a little anxiety mixed in.

In good news, I'm happy to report that my cloth pantyliners are holding up spectacularly to the Endometrin. I was worried it would stain them because it dissolves into a chalky paste but each one has washed completely clean on the first water rinse. I haven't had to soak a single one, just a little soap and hand wash if I need it straight away, or a rinse and toss in the washing machine if I can wait. I'm really impressed with them, they've been so much more comfortable than disposables, I'm so, so glad I made the switch, I can't imagine wearing disposables and getting hives for the next 12 weeks!

Baby on Board!

This mornings transfer went so smoothly, I feel so good about our chances! After trying to sleep unsuccessfully through my excitement and nerves, I woke up to some funky dreams a little before my alarm.  To prevent any uterine contractions that could hinder our frostie sticking, I took my Naproxen at 8am with a weird assortment of food from the fridge. Two glasses of water, crackers, strawberries, yogurt and left over potatoes - I really didn't want to get sick >< Then I drank another liter of water between 9 and 9:30 to make sure my bladder was super full.

Around 10am we checked in at the ART center and paid our embryology bill - another $1150 to the embryologist for thawing and prepping our embryo. Since they hadn't had me come in the day before, we went across the hall and had my blood drawn for a progesterone and estrogen check too, just to make sure it was still at a decent level. Then, they whisked us off to our procedure room to gown up and get ready!

Gowned up!

Gowns on and bottoms off, they checked my bladder first to make sure it was full enough to press my uterus into the right position. Since I'd chugged all that water, believe me, it was full! I had to pee pretty bad and since Dr. D was in a consultation, he was running a bit behind and my bladder was getting fuller and fuller. We were hoping he'd come in quickly but when it looked like he was going to be even longer, the nurse let me go pee for exactly 5 seconds - no more than 5 one-thousands and then I was to stop.  That wasn't fun but I did it and honestly, was just super relieved that she let me go at all.

Finally, a few minutes later, Dr. D was ready! The nurse fired up the ultrasound machine to guide him and he got to the nitty gritty prep - mostly, setting up the speculum, aligning my cervix, and repeatedly washing it to remove any trace of the Endometrin. Uncomfortable, but no worse than a pap smear. Next, they threaded a catheter up through my cervix and into my uterus, using the ultrasound to guide it, and the call was made to the embryologist that we were ready for our embie!  This took a few more minutes - they had to load our embryo up into a pipette and have the 6th or so ID check to confirm the right frostie was making it into the right mama.

Embie baby right out of the freezer :) They've just been thawed out and 

 ended up expanding a ton over the next couple hours before we put them back!

This was really the incredible part. We got to see our little embryo, a tiny white spark in a drop of transfer medium, moving slowly up the catheter and safely into my uterus, which had a perfect trilaminar lining ready to welcome it. Dr. D said our embryo looked fantastic and he thinks our babe has a 90% chance of sticking :) It was a little emotional and my legs were a little trembly, there was so much positive energy and hope in the room. The really kind ultrasound nurse thought they might be getting tired for hanging out in that position for so long and asked E to come brace my knee with his shoulder while she got my other one. It was so sweet I didn't bother telling her it was just nerves.

The little arrow shows embie safely on board!

Once the embryo is safely inside, they back the catheter out and you're officially pregnant until proven otherwise. I thought I'd be able to get up and pee, since I was basically about to burst, but they asked me to lay in place for 15-20 min. Ouch.

At 10 minutes I started asking E for the time. I had been on the brink of an accident when they finished the transfer and now I really, really had to go.

At 15 minutes I insisted he go out there and find someone RIGHT NOW to let me go pee. NOW.

At 16, 17 and 18 minutes, I made him go out again because he still couldn't find someone to release me and I was literally about to pee on the table.

At 20 minutes, I was done. There was still no one there and I had to pee so bad I almost couldn't sit up without peeing myself. It was past the 15-20 minutes and I was going pee whether they liked it or not.

I got my ass up, still in my gown and booties and went to take myself to the bathroom. Of course, as soon as I get round the corner, here comes the nurse with a wheelchair to take me. She insisted I sit in it (do you really want me to pee on your chair??) and I made it just in time to pee, thank goodness.

After that, I got dressed and we were free to go! To help embie stick, we went straight from the clinic to acupuncture and then finally home where I've been ordered to stay in bed for 2 days and take it easy for 4. I'm so ready for this baby. The waiting is the hardest part, I don't know whether I should start peeing in sticks in a week or if I should wait for my beta on the first. Either way, I know this embie is going to stick, we already love them so much. 

So ready for our frostie baby

This time tomorrow, I will be Officially Pregnant (until proven otherwise). There will be an actual, live embryo getting cozy in my uterus, settling in for the next 40ish weeks. After almost three years of trying, I am so excited and so ready that I feel like I might burst.

My pre-transfer protocol began this morning with the last of my Z-Pack, my estrace, aspirin and vitamins. I ran the last of the errands I'm going to be allowed to run for the next 4 days and then had a wonderful, relaxing acupuncture session to increase the blood flow to my uterus. Although she forgot to tell me the day before, my acupuncturist S also recommends a massage the day before transfer to completely relax the muscles. This sounded wonderful of course, who doesn't love a massage, but they usually require a bit more advanced notice than 20 minutes to book.

So, after leaving acupuncture, I called my mother in law to see if she could get me in for a massage at her regular place. Most of the places near me require at least a days notice but her place is unusually  flexible. To my great delight, they were able to squeeze us both in at a moments notice and I spent a glorious hour getting rubbed and stroked by a deceptively strong little woman. I hadn't realized I was in need of a massage until she dug her elbows into my shoulders and pressed the small of my back. Holy Ow. After being waved out of the massage clinic, hair all over the place and a tiny Thai woman telling me something about my face (perhaps that I needed water?) we capped off the evening with some delicious Italian food.

The next step begins tomorrow at 8am when I take the first of two Naproxen, along with my usual estrace and aspirin. I skip the Endometrin until after the transfer, so I'll probably bring that to the appointment with me. I follow that up with breakfast and at least a liter of water between 9 and 9:30am to ensure that I have a super full bladder for the transfer. The fuller my bladder is, the more it presses my uterus into an optimal position. Finally, we check in at 10am for our 10:30 transfer and I get to bring our little embryo home.

Everything is lining up perfectly. E and I are so ready for this frostie to be our baby. This IS going to be our baby.

Progester-Woah!

I went in for my progesterone draw this morning, fingers crossed that my progesterone decided to climb, at least a little. We had to go in early since the lab closes by 9:30am on Saturdays and I was moving extra slowly from the lingering shadow of a migraine. I had a feeling some head aches would be forthcoming from the hormones I started yesterday and they certainly didn't disappoint. After this many medicated cycles, it's pretty much a guarantee that high estrogen and progesterone will give me at least one migraine within the first 12 hours.

Still, I made it there in time and was finished with the draw in just a few minutes. I had gotten home, put in a new Endometrin and changed my pad (ew - I got lucky yesterday with a clean pad but last nights pill pretty much dissolved and fell out this morning. GROSS) and started prepping breakfast when the phone rang with results.

By today, they're looking for your progesterone to be 8 or above. Since mine was only 1.5 when they were looking for 2.0, I was a little worried it might still be low but all that anxiety, and the chocolate bunny head I ate, were for nothing! The nurse immediately said my progesterone looks great and told me my level was 15 today! This officially clears us for our Tuesday transfer and we're now just waiting on the lab to assign us our official time. Only 3 days to go until our frostie is home!

Gratuitous photo of Milou that a fellow agility student took today. Look at my lady rocking that tire :)

Endometrin Again

Today's appointment was a quick one, just a single vial blood draw to check out my progesterone levels. Unfortunately, it looks like my numbers are just a tad low, they like to see a level around 2.0 and mine was only 1.5. This isn't a setback though, it just means it's time to start my Estrace and Endometrin as scheduled to boost it up a bit. It is rising as it's supposed to, it went from 0.7 to 1.5 with ovulation and since I haven't taken any hormones until now, that was entirely on my own steam.

 Still, it's time for a little extra support so as soon as I hung up the phone with the nurse, I swallowed my Estrace and popped in an Endometrin tablet and snapped on cloth panty liner. Then I rushed off to acupuncture for my weekly needles and nap session. I'm gearing up for the transfer with S as well, I did my last regular heat clearing and energy moving session today and will see her again Monday where she'll prep me for the embryo by improving blood flow to my uterus.  I'll be seeing her or her associate D on Tuesday after the transfer as well to help our little frostie stick.

Please don't kill my panty liners Endometrin...

Since this little babe IS going to stick and I'm going to be taking Endometrin for the next 10-12 weeks, I'm curious to see how my liners hold up to the assault. I'm trying out an all cotton flannel liner today and I'm thinking I might strip it with dish soap or something similarly grease cutting afterward, just to prevent any of the medication medium from affecting the absorbancy of the fabric.

My next check in is tomorrow to see how much my progesterone has gone up in 24 hours. My poor little arm, the tech can still only draw from one vein so it's taking a lot of abuse. This brings the FET calendar to two more days of Medrol, three more days of the Z-Pack and aspirin, and hopefully 10-12 more weeks of the Endometrin and Estrace to look forward to.

O is a Go!

More good news from this mornings appointment! It looks like my LH is surging right on time - it was 6 yesterday and jumped to 13.8 today so I am definitely ovulating. Estrogen was up to 219,  my progesterone was 0.7 so it should be getting ready to rise and my lining was nice and thick. This gives us a tentative transfer date of next Tuesday, the day after E's birthday. I should really find a way to be more articulate about how I feel but I keep circling back to a messy combination of anxious and excited that makes me want to cry. After almost 3 years, it feels like our take home baby is So Clos, even though I know we still have so far to go.

On Thursday I start the first of my medication - a Z Pack, Medrol and Baby Aspirin. The Medrol, a steroid that is supposed to help with implantation, is only for 4 days and the Z Pack, protection against infection since we're inserting something into my uterus and breaking the mucous barrier, is a 5 day course. I'm pretty sure the baby aspirin is also to help with implantation by improving blood flow and I might take that a bit longer.

Still a lot of meds for a natural transfer

The next appointment will be Friday to check in on my progesterone and make sure it's rising appropriately. Then I'll be starting the Estrace (estrogen) and Endometrin (progesterone) that I'll take for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. My clinic also prescribes Naproxen for the day of transfer, it's actually not a pregnancy safe drug but it prevents uterine contractions that can push the embryo out of the uterus. Since I'll only be taking it that day, before our little embie has implanted, it shouldn't have any effect on them.

Just typing this out I'm so excited and nervous I think I might throw up. By this time next week I'll have our embryo on board, crossing everything and praying to the universe and any deities out there that this little one sticks!

Ahead of schedule!

I went in for a CD 13 blood and ultrasound appointment this morning and got the extremely pleasant surprise that we're running ahead of schedule!

I usually don't ovulate until CD 17 but it looks like I'm on track for a CD 15 ovulation! As of today, I have an 18mm follicle, my estrogen is 160, my uterine lining is trilaminar and my LH is 6 which means it hasn't surged yet but is likely to do so soon. Follicles ovulate at over 20mm and grow 1-2mm per day so I'm set to go either Wednesday or Thursday.

This follie is actually so ahead of schedule that they didn't include LH in my original blood draw and had to add it in last second. The next step is another blood and ultrasound appointment tomorrow and depending on how high my LH is, we should be able to tell whether I'm ovulating Wednesday or Thursday. I'm fairly sure that surge numbers are 20+ so it still has a ways to go but when it happens, it happens quickly. I anticipate another appointment on Wednesday and maybe one on Thursday as well to confirm ovulation has taken place.

Clearly, my body is just as ready as I am to get this frostie home. This is shaping up to be an ideal cycle for transfer, we just need this baby to stick!

Mama Cloth Stash

I posted about mama cloth previously but now that I've had a chance to use it, I figured it was time for a stash and usage update! Thus far, I've tried 8 different brands and will probably go ahead and order from one more, Cozy Folk. 

For my last period, I used nothing but cloth. The two light days from Cozy Cloth and the two blue and grey Bubu Bibi pads just arrived in the past few days so I didn't have them during my period, but I was surprised to discover that even though it looked like I had a lot, I was a few pads short of a full cycle. It wasn't a big deal to wash them in the middle but if I want to get through a whole period without washing, I'll need a few more now that I've figured out what I like best in a cloth pad.

After using disposables my whole life, I've found that my preferences in cloth are pretty much the same. I want a long, really thin pad, with wings. I think my favorite size is 12", the same as an Always Infinity long, not because I need it to absorb that much fluid, but because I move around a lot and find myself needing different parts of the pad while I'm doing different things. A 12" pad pretty much covers everything, no matter what I'm doing, and it's basically impossible to leak. I don't have a strong preference on flared vs straight, but I do think flared gives you more protection, especially in the front when you're sitting down. 

All folded up :)

For thickness, my two absolute favorites are Yurtcraft and Party in my Pants. I custom ordered my Yurtcraft pads backed in PowerShieldPro, which makes them ultra thin and totally water proof, and all Party in my Pants pads are crazy thin and backed with nylon which also makes them water proof. These guys are no thicker than an ultra thin disposable, are way more comfortable, and stood up to my heaviest days with no leaks. I bought two 10.5" and two 12.5" from Yurtcraft and two 12.25" from Party in my pants.  ErinSewSweet also deserves an honorable mention here, although her 12" pad with a cotton top, layer of PUL, double Bamboo core and fleece backing was a hair thicker than Yurtcraft (with PowerShieldPro) and Party in my Pants, it was still super thin, really comfortable and didn't leak. This pad was also a trimmer fit for narrower panties which some people might prefer and I liked it just as much as the other two brands.

For overnight, I absolutely love my Earth Mama Goods 14" pads. These guys are a tiny bit thicker, more like a thin maxi than an ultrathin, but not too thick to wear during the day with leggings if you were having a really heavy day. These guys are super soft and feel cozy when you wear them, they're perfect for overnight when you might be bleeding up the back. She has a ton of other sizes and absorbances, but I ordered these in the beginning when I kept thinking I'd need a huuuuge pad to contain a pretty light period.  I also really liked my BubuBibis for night time, although they work just as well as a day pad. These guys win the award for budget friendliness, they're $15 for 4 pads with free shipping and with a thick bamboo core, these guys can absorb a ton. They feel more like a cushy maxi pad when you have them on, a bit thicker than I usually wear, but not too thick to wear during the day. They have a sort of silky polyester fabric for the wings and although you can't customize them, they come in several different colors and patterns and two different absorbances.

For liners I've got three Party in my Pants 10" and my two freebies, a 6" Luna Pad and 8" Glad Rag. The Party in my Pants liners, like their regular pads, are backed in nylon but these have no core so they're designed for spotting or medication. The Luna Pad and Glad Rag are both layered cotton flannel so they're not water proof but are super comfy and didn't leak with regular spotting. I haven't had a chance to use the two 8" Cozy cloth Pads that arrived but they're definitely pads, not liners, even though they're for light days.  These guys are flannel topped with two layers of flannel and a layer of PUL in the core with a fleece backing. They feel a little bit cushy and I imagine their heavier absorbancy pads would be a lot like Earth Mama Goods.  I'll probably use these at the beginning or end of a period, or hopefully, with my medication while I'm pregnant :)

For usage, cloth pads were no more difficult than a disposable to use and were a hell of a lot more comfortable. You lay them in your undies, snap the wings around the crotch and you're good to go. For washing, I decided to skip the bucket that most people use (for now, I reserve the right to change my mind lol) and I use a wet bag for storage. If I'm out an about, I fold the pad in half, snap the wings together to keep it closed, and stick it in my tiny waterproof wet bag in my purse. There's no odor, no dripping, the cores absorb any liquid while you're wearing them and holds onto it until I can rinse them out later. 

If I'm home, I take it right to the sink and rinse it out until the water runs clear. If it looks like it might stain, I throw a little oxy clean on it and depending on how I'm feeling, will leave it in the sink for about 10-15 min and hand wash or just fold it up and stick it straight in my big wet bag. I'm probably going to get one of the natural stain sticks to replace or use with the oxy clean, just because I think it will apply and stay in place better. At this point, all the pads I've washed in the sink have been clean, without stains or signs of wear, but I wash them in the machine anyway, even if it's only to remove the oxy clean. Once my period is over, or I'm out of pads, I chuck them in the wash with our towels and wash them on cold. Although they're perfectly safe to put in the dryer on low, I air dry mine since I'm drying my nylon anyway and I think it will help them last longer.

The next big test for my cloth stash will be Endometrin. Our transfer is getting closer and closer and since it IS going to work, I'm going to be on Endometrin for about 12 weeks. That's 12 solid weeks of wearing panty liners to keep gunk off my panties and I'm not sure how the medication is going to affect the fabric. Several of the sellers have offered me really good tips, from dish soap, gentle, grease cutting hand soap to minky topped liners which are harder to stain so I'll probably get a little of everything right before we transfer. This embryo is going to be sticking around for 40 weeks and I need to be prepared for them!

A Picture of Paradise

After all kinds of crazy stress and planning, E and I finally made it to Cancun for our anniversary. Although we arrived super early, we somehow almost missed our flight out >< We checked our bag, went through security, got our boarding passes and sat down at a recessed table about 10 feet from our gate to eat some breakfast. About 30 min before our plane was scheduled to leave we figured boarding would be open so we wandered back over to our gate only to find out that they had finished boarding and were looking for our bags to take off the plane! I seriously couldn't believe it, they had never made any boarding announcements (Flight blah blah blah boarding now, final boarding call for flight blah blah blah) and they almost left us behind 30 minutes early. Ugh. Luckily we were the last ones on and the flight was smooth sailing after that.

We ended up staying at Beach Palace, one of the smaller and more intimate palace resorts. We got a corner room and the view was to die for, it just wouldn't quit. We had the lagoon for the majority of our view, which made for killer sunsets, and the clear blue tropical ocean when we turned the corner. It was breathtaking.

 The view from our private balcony <3 p="">

Seriously in love with this balcony

The plan for this trip was relaxation. We basically ate, drank, and basked on the beach for a week, punctuating the sleep days with a long couples massage, a romantic beach front dinner and a snorkeling trip that I could have lasted forever as far as I was concerned. After a ride on a trick speed boat doing spins and swirls, we rode jet skis across the lagoon, through the channel and out into the open ocean to the coral reef. Cancun has the second largest reef in the world after Australia and it did not disappoint. It's no secret that I love fish but seeing them in their natural environment took it to a whole other level. They schooled with me, danced through anemones and poked out of little caves. I could have stayed there all day and we've already decided we need to go back. The jet ski ride back was almost equally incredible, it began to rain a warm tropical sprinkle with cracks of distant lightening splitting the clouds and we watched the show all the way back to the dock.

Cancun sunset over the lagoon. If it can't set over the ocean, at least it sets over a body of water.  

The resort itself was also fabulous. The staff were friendly and extremely attentive. You couldn't sit for more than a few minutes before a waiter would pop up to offer you food and drink. The packages at Palace Resorts are all inclusive and the food and drink did not disappoint. You couldn't go 10 feet without finding something delicious, from the official restaurants to the tiny desert hut that made fresh crepes and the beach and pool side staff who would bring us margaritas and tacos. There was even a fabulous chef who worked at their rooftop bar making the most delicious grilled Thai skewers.

Sunburns' r 'us on the fabulous beach

They also had fantastic 24 hour room service that had breakfast waiting for us each morning when we woke up. They brought mimosas for our anniversary and we finished off the evening with a "Romantic Dinner", a private table for two down on the sand. I'd normally have more photos to post but E and I made the decision at the beginning to keep most of our trip tech free. We left computers at home and phones in our hotel room so we could truly focus on relaxing, healing and soaking up the sun. It was just what I needed to recover after being sick for so long and I hope it refreshed my body enough to welcome the little embryo we'll be transferring soon. I can't wait to go back to Cancun with our little one in a couple years and watch them play in that clear turquoise water. 

Happy Anniversary Mimosas with my lovey

FET Take Two

I know I'm super behind on posting about Cancun and my new mama cloth, but I'm going to skip ahead a little bit because we had our first ultrasound for our next FET! This time, Dr. D has decided that we're going for a natural transfer instead of a medicated transfer like we attempted the first time.

If you recall, a medicated cycle is more controlled and schedule-able. First, you take birth control to suppress your ovaries for two weeks. Towards the end of the two weeks, you add in Lupron and after a small overlap, stop the BCPs, continue the Lupron and add in Estrogen pills. This starts to build your uterine lining up after the BCPs quieted it down, and you continue the Lupron for a little while to ensure you don't ovulate too early. When the lining looks perfect with a nice triple layer pattern, you trigger ovulation with an HCG injection and 5-6 days later you transfer your embryo back home.

In a natural cycle, you skip the whole first half. I'm not suppressing with birth control, no Lupron obviously since it made me so sick, and we're going to rely on my body to make it's own estrogen the same way it does every month. They'll monitor me sporadically to track my rising hormone levels and check in on my lining to see how it's doing on CD 3 (yesterday) and CD 10. As I get closer to ovulation and my lining starts to thicken, they'll monitoring things more closely and if necessary, will have me trigger ovulation with an HCG injection. 5-6 days later our embryo comes home and we support it with progesterone and estrogen since IVF/frozen embryos can sometimes require a little extra help.

Little embryo heading home

While I'm so excited to finally have the chance to get pregnant, I'm also slightly terrified that my body won't be able to do what it's supposed to to prep for and support this embryo. This isn't IUI where we shoot some swimmers up there and cross our fingers. When we do this transfer I will be pregnant, we're putting a real live, tiny, perfect, chromosomally normal cellular human into my uterus and asking it to implant and stick around. We're risking one of the two embryos I've worked so hard to get and the thought of losing this potential tiny human is devastating. While we haven't found anything wrong with my uterus and I do ovulate on my own, it still seems like a lot of pressure for my body to ask it to do this all by itself. Then again, human beings get pregnant every day without help so obviously there are bodies doing the same thing that mine is doing all over the world right now. I just have to trust that it knows what to do.

This little embryo will be our baby. It's going to successfully implant and be born and grow up to be a tiny human being full of potential. I just have to do everything I can to help it get there.