Grumpy Cat

Since getting our positive, I've noticed some changes in our wonderful pets behavior. Some things are mild and innocuous but others might potentially be cause for concern.

Our boy kitties are solid. They're in a serious bromance and usually don't pay too much attention to the humans since they're too busy grooming and cuddling. Since our positive, they're a little more cuddly, they want to sit on my belly and get pets whenever I'm sitting down in one of their spaces and will seek me out a little more often for attention. Aside from that, they're not concerned with change as long as their meals keep coming on schedule.

Your belly is my new favorite bed

Milou, our soon to be big sister, is a little more protective. She's fine with other people around, loves children, but she's really not loving other dogs in my space. My mother's dog is particularly upsetting for her, she doesn't want him near our "personal" space - my bedroom, her bed, her crate. On Saturday in her agility class, the instructors dominant male dog tried to lean into my side for butt scratches and Milou basically draped herself across my legs and laid in my lap. She usually backs off from him since she's on the submissive side but it was pretty clear she would not be doing so this time. Her mama is off limits. I'm not really concerned about this behavior, it's normal for dogs to get a little more protective when their people are pregnant and she's still perfectly happy with people, both adults, kiddos, and littles.

I might be smiling but I'm not happy about this

I think the wild card here is probably going to be our girl kitty, Button. She's a 100% mamas girl, shy and scared of other people, and she's making it pretty clear that she is Pissed. We've always known she wasn't a huge fan of change, but in the past she's done really well moving houses, accepting new pets, making things work as long as she had her mama. Now, she's quite literally lashing out. For the past few weeks, she's been reaching out with a paw whenever I stop petting her to grab me. Today, I was walking by her cat tree on my way to put away laundry and stopped to pet her. I only gave her quick pets since I had clothes in my hands and on my way back past her tree she reached out and whacked me right in the face. She actually gave me two teensy scratches and I can't remember her ever intentionally scratching me before in the 10 years I've had her. I gave her a stern talking to and she wouldn't even look at me, she is not a happy camper.

Don't let my big eyes fool you, I'm really grumpy right now

I'm not really concerned about Button with a baby, she's an under the bed, in the closet cat who has her little space that she doesn't leave.  I'm fairly sure she's going to keep as far away from baby as possible. But in the meantime, I need to find some way to make her feel secure and loved so she knows these changes are good ones. I can't have her taking swipes at me every time I go by and I don't want her feeling upset and stressed for the rest of the year. 

Over Achiever on Board!

We had our wonderful ultrasound yesterday and we officially have one over achiever on board! And a tired, slightly nauseous mama lol. Our little bean is growing right on time, they correctly measured 6 weeks 1 day yesterday which is fabulous and much to my amazed surprise, we actually saw a tiny heart beating away!

Everything looked good, the sac, yolk sac, fetal pole and tiny flickering heart. Now that we've seen a heart beat, even though it's only 6 weeks, Dr. D says that our miscarriage risk has dropped to 5%. It felt great to hear him say that but the anxiety is still there. Our next check in will probably be next week and I think I'm going to ask E to video the screen so I can peak back at that heartbeat whenever I want to.

Hi little bean :)

I hope one little bean means an easy, healthy pregnancy. I'm feeling a good deal of queasiness but haven't thrown up so I consider that a win. The bloating is also getting even more noticeable, even from last week to this week. Our embie is still tucked way behind my pubic bone but with all the progesterone I'm shoving up my girly bits, my stomach is huuuuuuge. I'm already getting looks from people side-eying my belly but my lips are sealed, we're planning to keep things under wraps for quite some time. I don't think we'll be announcing even a hint until after all our genetic testing and our anatomy scan at 20 weeks.

23dp5/6dt - Still Climbing

Today's labs showed that my HCG has risen to an impressive 39,071! Go, baby, go! Even more exciting is that tomorrow is the big day - our first ultrasound, our first real opportunity to take a peak and see what's going on in there. Although it's probably too early to see a heartbeat, I feel like actually seeing a pregnancy where it's supposed to be will help quell some of the anxiety I'm still wrestling with. I know it won't really go away, but I'd like to be able to breathe a little easier knowing things are progressing as they should be.

According to Betabase.info, if we've only got one little embie in there, they are still gunning for over achiever of the year award. We're still way ahead of average and my doubling time is only just slowing to 77 hours. If there's just the one, they mean business. I expect this kiddo to come out ready for college or at least ready for some serious nursing sessions.

If there are two, my anxiety is probably going to explode. I can only hope that both are strong enough to hang on, grow well, and not become a statistic. Our end goal is a healthy, living child and if we can get two out this experience, great. I just need them to stay off each others cords and do their best to grow and thrive.

Guess we (might) find out tomorrow! Of course there's always the possibility that it's too early, twins do have a knack for popping up in later scans, but we'll just have to wait and see. I'm hoping I can keep my coughing/hacking/snotting under control long enough to get some good photos.

22dp5/6dt - High Dose Hook Effect

Since my friend was kind enough to send me an entire box of pregnancy tests, I've been taking one every morning with FMU. I like seeing the two dark lines pop up as a sort of reassurance that everything is still okay in there since we haven't had an ultrasound yet.

The lines have always been nice, dark and reassuring until this morning. I actually slept in a bit later today and tested with a solid 8 hour hold. To my horror, the test line was lighter than the control line, lighter than the test the day before, OMGWTFAHHWHATWASGOINGON? I told myself the test was crappy, and it was, even the test line was lighter than normal, and resolved to test again after a 4 hour hold. Oh my god, holding your bladder and pregnancy do not go well together. I made it exactly 4 hours, rushed to the bathroom, and although the test was a little darker, it wasn't as dark as it should be. That's when it hit me right in the face, the high dose hook effect. Duh. I've experience it myself with ELISAs in the lab but I didn't think to apply it to a pregnancy test. Duh duh duh.

The high-dose hook effect is a well-known phenomenon in laboratory medicine, Dr. Gronowski says. It occurs when increasing concentrations of analyte lead to saturation of both the capture antibody and detection antibody, preventing formation of a complete antibody-antigen-antibody sandwich and leading to possibly false-negative results. She co-authored a study focusing on what she calls a “variant hook effect” that affects qualitative urine hCG tests. “The problem is an excess of one form of hCG. Part of the problem is that hCG comes in many different isoforms, and after five weeks of pregnancy, you get much more of one variant form called the β core fragment than you get of the hCG intact molecule. We demonstrated that if you add increasing concentrations of β core fragment to a urine sample that contains intact hCG, there is a dose-dependent inhibition of signal. This is similar to the standard hook effect, except that in many cases the devices don’t recognize β core fragment alone. In other words, the β core fragment only binds one of the two antibodies used in the assay, but it still has the same net effect and causes a false-negative result.”  (Check out the full article here)

And now it makes sense. At a day short of 6 weeks, I bet my β core fragment levels are much higher than my intact HCG. Obviously, I had to test this out by peeing on more sticks. 

And look at that! The solution diluted 50/50 with water has the darkest test line by far. Clearly, it looks like my stick peeing days have come to an end. There's no way I'm diluting cups of pee at 5 in the morning to get a satisfactorily dark line. I think I'm going to have to rely on blood tests and ultrasounds to reassure me from now on, as tough as that's going to be. The next blood test is tomorrow morning but my ultrasound won't be until Friday and after that, who knows. I hope my OB/GYN is open to frequent appointments to soothe my nerves :/

19dp5/6dt - Happy Mother's Day

(source)

 Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas, soon to be mamas, pet mamas and future will be mamas!

Unfortunately for me, I started off my first soon to be mamas day with what is probably a cold. I can't figure out whether it's a regular cold (pregnancy suppresses the immune system) or just pregnancy expanding all my vessels which produces more mucous. I've got a killer sore throat so I'm thinking I might have some sort of post nasal drip thing going on and irritating it. Instead of going out to dinner tonight like we'd planned, E picked up some Matzo Ball soup for me which I ate before falling asleep on his arm and stomach. I'm pretty sure I drooled all over him, my nose started to plug up and I was sleeping with my mouth open, but he didn't move and let me sleep for a good two hours. I seriously love that man.

Since I'm pregnant I can't take anything for a cold. It's not fun, but honestly this is one cold I'm more than happy to just suffer through, I'm not willing to do anything that might damage our fragile embryo during such an important part of development. I can get some decent relief gargling hot water with a little apple cider vinegar but I made the last batch too strong and ended up gagging which was no fun. It works pretty well for at least an hour but I'm not sure I can pull it off with a more sensitive palate. 

In better news, I got a voice mail from the clinic confirming that they want to do my ultrasound at 6 weeks. I was thinking they'd wait for 6 weeks and a few days since we're more likely to see a heartbeat on the 18th at 6 weeks and 4 days but their message said 6 weeks exactly. I'm planning on giving them a call tomorrow and see if I can't get an appointment date so we have something concrete to wait for.

18dp5/6dt - Up, Up and Away!

Yes! I successfully had my labs run at Kaiser this morning and it didn't cost me $300! I'm so glad we were able to get them ordered in time, although it turns out they accidentally got put in as routine instead of STAT. The lab was able to get the HCG back today since they run that on location, but my estrogen and progesterone had to be sent out to their main lab about 30 min away. Considering that they don't do pick up until 12:30 and tomorrow is a Sunday, I think it's unlikely that we'll have those numbers before Monday. I'm not super concerned about it since those hormones are pretty much set by the 4mg Estradiol and 200mg Endometrin I'm taking each day.


 So, at 18dpt or 23dpo my HCG is an impressive 13,024! Going back to betabase.info:

For a singleton pregnancy, we're still on the chart but getting even higher. Only 5.3% of singleton pregnancies reported have an HCG about equal or higher to mine at 23dpo. 

For a twin pregnancy, we're in the high average. 34.6% of twin pregnancies have an HCG about equal or higher. We're actually at the high end of the average group too, another 700 points and and we'd be in the 9.8% of reported twin pregnancies with betas over 13,723 today. That's really only the difference between a morning and afternoon beta.

My doubling time is also still really fast. Usually things have started to slow down just a little bit by 5 weeks but my body clearly didn't get the memo.

At 40 hours, only 14% of reported single pregnancies have a doubling time equal or faster while 52% of reported twin pregnancies have an equal or faster rate.

I know it's entirely pointless to speculate about 1 or 2 at this point, but our ultrasound isn't for another 9 or 10 days and that's a long time to be left wondering. We put in one embryo with the hope that we'd get one baby, the idea that there could potentially be two in there has got us all thrown off. E has always teased me that the only way we'd have three children would be if we had one set of twins. I had thought that option was lost to us, at least without another round of IVF  and assuming we could have any at all, and the idea that the universe might be orchestrating some twins for us after all is wonderful.

17dp5/6dt - OB Labs

As I mentioned in my previous post, once we got our first positive beta we officially completed the protocol for our frozen embryo transfer. This is pretty standard protocol, I knew that our FET fee wouldn't cover our ultrasounds but somehow I got my wires crossed and thought that it would cover all our betas and hormone tests. That was a $450 surprise and both the clinic and I were hoping to avoid more expenses like that if possible.

Since E and I have Kaiser, our insurance should cover all prenatal care - labs, ultrasounds and appointments. However, since our plan is an HMO, they won't cover any outside care that isn't an emergency even when it's prenatal. Darn. The ultrasounds we can't get around because Dr. D has to check up on our little embie himself, but any lab can run blood tests. So, today Dr. D's nurse sent over a lab order and I had the pleasure of figuring out how to translate that order into the Kaiser system.

I think at a regular lab, I'd just hand this slip over. Not so at Kaiser :/

Unfortunately, my first and second choices for getting the labs ordered were unavailable. Both my acupuncturist (and Kaiser nurse midwife) and OB/GYN were out of the office today and wouldn't be back until Monday. My labs needed to be drawn on Saturday so that wouldn't work. My next option was to leave a message for the on call OB, which I did, but didn't feel particularly confident about it since I don't know them. After waiting a couple hours and not hearing back from them, I went for the last resource I could think of, the Kaiser infertility department.

Unlike most departments of Kaiser that prefer you contact them through the general number, the infertility department gives patients a direct line. While I was doing my IUIs with them, I never had to fuss with an automated system or tell the general system receptionist what I was trying to do. There was always a nurse or assistant on the other end of the line and there was one there today when I called almost a year to the day after my first IUI baseline appointment. I explained everything to them, that I had done IUIs there a year ago, moved on to IVF and now that I had a positive beta I was looking everywhere for someone to order tests for me. They were predictably awesome.

Two minutes on hold, during which two other nurses picked up to see if I was a new caller who needed something, and my labs were ordered. Thanks Kaiser Infertility. I should have called you guys straight away, IUI might not have worked for me but you've been awesome from the very beginning.

I hope these lovely dark lines translate into a super high beta tomorrow. I think we're shooting for something around 6,000 but I'm not completely sure. I think doubling times are supposed to slow to 72-96 hours from 48-72 hours between 5 and 6 weeks. 

14dp5/6dt - Tricky Baby?

The more I look at my beta numbers, the more I wonder if we don't have a little tricky baby in there. My beta started off high but this last one has gone way up and now I'm giving serious thought to the possibility that there could be two in there - identical twins.

We transferred a Blastocyst so if we had twins, they would have split after day 6

In general, HCG numbers in PGD pregnancies tend to be on the lower side. It's most likely due to the biopsy of the embryo since they're removing cells that would otherwise be producing HCG in early pregnancy. When you remove those cells, the embryo takes a bit longer to bounce back and regrow enough cells to produce high numbers of HCG. It could also be the result of late implantation too, for the same reason really, the embryo needs to bounce back a little before it can successfully implant. Clearly, this hasn't been the case for me. Even my doubling time seems to be ahead of schedule, normal is 48-72 hours and thus far mine has been 35.34 hours.

Betabase.info Doubling calculator

With a beta number of 1642 at 13dp5dt or 18dpo, this puts us in the above, above average category for a singleton pregnancy. With 192 ladies sharing the same range, it's not unheard of but it is significantly higher than average. Only 229/2751 singleton pregnancies had numbers as high as mine or higher, that's only 8.3%.  Again, not impossible, but certainly not common.

If there's only one in there, they sure are an over achiever!

Although the percentage is small, it's believed that biopsying an embryo slightly increases the odds that it will split into monozygotic or identical twins. The theory is that by manipulating the embryo via cell removal and piercing the shell, you're making it more likely for the zygote to split clean in half and develop into two separate babies - either Mono/Di or Mono/Mono twins. Mono/Di twins have their own amniotic sacs but share the same placenta, while Mono/Mono twins share the same amniotic sac and placenta. You can also have Di/Di identical twins when the embryo splits early on, at the morula stage. Those babies actually have their own placentas since they split before they implanted. Mono/Mono twins carry a great number of risks, it's a lot to ask one amniotic sac to hold two babies plus the increased likelihood twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS), cord problems and circulatory problems. Luckily, Mono/Mono twins usually only account for 3% of identical twins. Mono/Di twins are also at risk for TTTS but having their own amniotic sacs offers some protection. Mono/Di babies are often misdiagnosed as Mono/Mono early in the pregnancy because the dividing membrane can be tough to see until later on.

My beta seems a lot more at home in this chart

Looking at the twins beta chart, my numbers are a much better fit within the normal averages. 410/1442  twin mamas had numbers as high as or higher than mine which is 28%, a number that makes a lot more sense than 8%. If we'd transferred two embryos there'd be no doubt in my mind that there's two in there, but with identicals still being such a small percentage, I think it could go either way. Honestly, we'd be happy either way, with an over achieving singleton or a tricky baby that got bored and decided to split. I just want a nice, healthy, normal and boring pregnancy.

13dp5/6dt - Woah Beta!

This mornings beta looked just fabulous! I was hoping for at least 800 with an optimistic 1200 but my HCG is officially 1642! Go little over achiever, go! My hormone levels looked good too, estrogen is 247 and progesterone is 24, and that's with just Endometrin, no progesterone in oil. Not bad for a natural transfer with no PIO!

I will never tire of peeing on these sticks #newhobby

The next check in is Saturday when they'll do another set of labs. The only bummer is that we've now officially completed our FET cycle so everything is charged by appointment again. Today's labs ran me $450 for HCG, progesterone and estrogen from today, and the Estrogen and Progesterone they added on to my last beta and forgot to charge me for. Going forward, that makes a regular appointment with labs and an ultrasound about $610 EACH time. Ouch. Still though, it's a really good problem to have. I'm going to see if I can have my labs run at Kaiser instead of the clinic since they'll cover 100% of them as part of my prenatal care.

As far as our ultrasound, it looks like we're going to have to wait a bit longer to take a peak at our embie baby. I had originally been told by a tech that we'd have one ultrasound at 5 weeks to confirm an intrauterine pregnancy and another between 6-7 weeks to measure the fetal pole, check out the yolk sac and maybe even see a heartbeat. Today the nurse said I'd have just the labs at the end of this week and then an ultrasound at around 6 weeks so it looks like we're skipping the 5 week one. I know it saves us a little money but it's a whooooole week longer I have to wait to lay eyes on this bub. It's crazy how we've been waiting so long for this and now 2 weeks seems like a lifetime away!

12dp5/6dt - Early Pregnancy Symptoms

Our trip to San Diego is winding down and I'm chilling in the hotel lobby since we had to check out of our room for the next guest. I was walking around the Gaslamp district, window shopping and sampling delicious snacks when the exhaustion hit and my body decided it's time for a nap.

I know I'm only like 2 seconds along but I have to say the pregnancy symptoms are real. Early first trimester ladies, I believe you.  Whatever combination of HCG, progesterone and estrogen that is currently marinating my brain is enough to make a noticeable difference in daily life. Far from finding it annoying, I'm actually relishing each little symptom that reminds me we really have a little embryo in there. They're real :)

Now since I've never been pregnant naturally, I don't know how much of the noticeable stuff is due to the embryo and HCG and how much is a side effect of the progesterone. 

The biggie for me is fatigue. After walking around or doing anything, I need a nap. I'm peeing all the time, which isn't too far out of the norm, and I'm noticing a little queasiness, heartburn and some burpy-ness when I wait too long to eat. I'm also crazy hungry, especially in the mornings when I don't usually like to eat.  My belly is still massive, but that's definitely the progesterone since our embie is still tucked behind my pubic bone. The weirdest is probably a little pregnancy brain. This one I really didn't believe, but I'm having little moments where I forget something stupid that I'd never forget. Those are the most obnoxious because I'm not a forgetful person and I really don't want to be. 

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As it turns out, I was too tired to actually post this earlier, oops. Now we're back home, safe and sound, and I'll admit that the first thing I did when I walked through the door was pee on a stick.

Thank goodness it's still positive. I didn't have any tests with me in San Diego and it was killing me to not know what was going on in there and if my HCG is still going up. Tomorrow morning is our second beta and with that line getting darker, I have my hopes up that our number will be good. Betas double ever 48-72 hours so our number should come back at least 800.  I hope our little over achiever is doing their stuff!

10dp5/6dt - First Beta!

E and I went in for our first beta this morning! It was really quick, although it's usually busy on Fridays, the place was practically empty and there was no line for labs. We hopped on the road shortly thereafter and headed for San Diego with our nurse's promise that we'd get called with the beta results by the afternoon.

We were waiting and waiting and it was sometime after I'd made E stop so I could pee that we finally got the call.

Our first beta is positive! My HCG is 400!

I was hoping for/expecting a positive beta given our home tests, but 400 completely blew me away. So many of my fellow IVF/FET ladies have numbers around 100-200 so I was definitely not expecting 400. Wow, we clearly have a little over achiever nice and cozy in there.

Our next beta is Monday since we'll still be out of town on Sunday. Dr. D wasn't concerned about the extra day, he said they often worry when a first beta comes in at 20 or 30, but at 400 he expects things to progress well. We'll confirm doubling time on Monday and then, fingers crossed, have our first ultrasound two weeks later. Each step is like a weight off my shoulders, another positive sign that our little embie is sticking things out. And as a bonus, if all looks good and my estrogen and progesterone are holding up well at our ultrasound, they can start weaning me off the Estrace and Endometrin early!

Now that it's evening and the positive is soaking in, E has gone off to work the game and I'm settled comfortably into our hotel. They upgraded us from a standard room to a one bedroom suite so I have my pick of the bed, two arm chairs or a large, squishy couch. It's a good thing too, I haven't done much today but I think I could use a nap.

View from the couch :)

And before I forget, I gave the CozyFolk liner a try today and it is so, so comfortable. I don't know how the edges would hold up to blood, but they're so soft and just blend right in to your undies. Definite thumbs up.

9dp5/6dt - Still two lines!

I tested again this morning with another crappy old cheapie since the tests that bestie mailed still haven't arrived. One package has literally been sitting and collecting dust in my local FedEx office but they won't let me go pick it up. Super annoyed with FedEx right now. Even though yesterdays tests were positive, I think I held my breath from the appearance of the control line to the moment the second line popped up. It still feels surreal, though I'm doing my best to enjoy it in the here and now.

The lines look purple because I took the photo after the tests were dry. I think the lines are getting darker!

I also received my cloth pad order from Cozy Folk! I took a chance and ordered a couple postpartum/overnight sized pads along with my liners, telling myself that I could always use them just as overnight pads. If all continues to go well, I'll actually get to use them postpartum :) I bought two 14" heavies and two 12" moderates. The colors and patterns are super bright and adorable but her design is something I've never seen before!

Two 14" on the left, two 12" on the right

I'm not sure if you can tell because I snapped these photos quickly but her pads are backed in Wind Pro fleece with a raw edge. The backing extends past the core as it does in most pads, but instead of continuing the absorbent top material to the edge, she finishes the top fabric edges a couple cms in from the backing edges. I think this is done to prevent leaking off the edge, the backing fabric is water resistant so it won't absorb any liquid, although the single layer around the edges feels somewhat flimsy and floppy compared to the double layers on other pads. In theory, I think liquid will bead and head towards the core and the soft edges will probably be pretty comfortable.

For liners, I decided to try minky, which is especially stain resistant, because I ordered them before I started the Endometrin. I think they'll be just fine and comfy but my plain cotton topped liners have actually been the best for Endometrin thus far. As it dissolves, the pill comes out as a sort of chalky, powdery paste that gets caught in the fibers of longer fabrics but rinses easily off plain, flat cotton. I actually prefer the flannel for my period, but thus far the smooth cotton fabrics win for suppositories. I'll have to see how the minky does tomorrow.

Sorry for the crappy photo!

More importantly, tomorrow is my first official beta! I've been trying to keep my mind off of it so I stay relaxed but it's much easier said than done. I'm not really nervous, but I feel like I'm filled with restless energy. I keep sitting down and then popping back up and I can't seem to settle down.  Unfortunately, walking around a lot seems to give me more little cramps so I feel reluctant to get it out by taking the dog for a walk or something similar.  I might try packing since E and I are heading to San Diego for a couple days for E's work. I'm hoping relaxing in the hotel will be a nice distraction to waiting for my levels to rise for the next anticipated beta on Monday. Or I could end up pacing the room, sitting down and popping back up just like I'm doing here. When does it stop? When my betas rise correctly? When we see a heartbeat? When we get to 12 weeks? When do I relax, or do you never really relax after IVF?

8dp5/6dt - I DID A THING

AHHHHH!!  Do you see it?? These tests are super expired, and it's really, really early, today would only be 3 weeks 6 days, but I see a line on all three tests! We have to keep our cool, it's so early and my betas aren't until Friday and Monday so we won't even know if my HCG levels are high enough to be a viable baby. I've just never had a positive pregnancy test before!

I know at this point that it could be a chemical or an ectopic or any number of other things but for right now, in this moment, I think I'm pregnant! And if that wasn't enough, the doorbell rang and it was a gorgeous bouquet of red roses from one of my besties who knew I was having trouble getting through the two week wait. 

She included a really sweet card and that just about did me in, my hormones can't take this kind of sweetness when I'm this full of emotion already. I couldn't even call her to say thank you, by the time I got my myself together I was at Milou's class where no one knows what we're doing, so I had to text her. She also put some pregnancy tests in the mail for me and they will hopefully arrive tomorrow. That way I have more sticks to pee on before the beta so I can make myself wonderfully crazy over how dark the line is. In the meantime I'm both elated and exhausted, with a healthy dose of sharp little cramps thrown in to remind me that my embie baby is in there doing stuff. 

I can't believe this is really happening. After everything, our embryo is actually sticking!

7dp5/6dt - Spotting Vanished!

Yesterday, even though I know it's normal, the pink spotting was really freaking me the fuck out. It finally, mercifully, stopped after a little over an hour, and I haven't seen even the tiniest trace of it since although I'm still holding my breath every time I pee. I know logically that since it was pink, it was probably from my cervix which has to be supremely pissed off from all the progesterone I've been shoving up there.

The blood was also somewhat streaky, meaning there's a good chance it could be implantation bleeding, a small bleed from the embryo burrowing into the uterine lining and shoving some aside as it gets cozy. You usually get implantation bleeding about 10-14 days after conception, although it's a little different with IVF. I got my spotting 12 days after ovulation, which fits perfectly into that window had we conceived naturally, 6 days after we put our embryo back. If it is implantation bleeding, it could also have been from a couple days before and it just took a little while to make it's way out.

I wasn't going to post a photo because Ewww but then while I was googling implantation bleeding photos for several hours last night I found myself increasingly frustrated that more people hadn't posted their own gross photos. How could I compare my spotting if no one shared theirs?? Did my spotting look normal? Did someone else experience the same thing and have a healthy baby in there? I needed answers! The few people who did post photos, usually on message boards, didn't update the same thread with the outcome which was incredibly obnoxious. So, I decided after much thought to go ahead and post my photo, for the next person out there googling implantation bleeding and freaking out. I promise you I'll update when it turns out that this was implantation bleeding and I have a healthy little fighter in there.

Still, it is a little TMI for many people, so I'm going to post it after the jump so no one gets their sensibilities offended. If you don't want to see blood on a tissue, DO NOT proceed.

2dp5/6dt - Antsy Already

Today I am still sitting in bed. Sitting and trying to distract myself from thoughts of embryos and implantation with cheesy cable movies and HGTV reruns. Every so often, between episodes of House Hunters and You've Got Mail, I try one of those visualization techniques where I picture the embryo implanting and establishing a good blood supply. Burrow in deep little embie.

Right now, there's hopefully a whole combination of things going on to adhere our embie to my uterine wall. The first step, the attachment, occurs when the outer cells of our blast attach to my endometrium, or the first layers of the uterine lining sometime around 6-10 days after ovulation. The lining sort of swells up to meet the embryo and the embryo coasts down the uterine wall to the best spot. Once they're adhered in place, the embie releases enzymes that break down the the cells of my lining to let the embie into my uterine wall where they'll begin exchanging hormones and start the early development of the placenta.

(Source)

A lot of women have pink or brown spotting around this time that they usually refer to as implantation bleeding. Sometimes that makes sense if it's 6-10 days after ovulation, but other times it doesn't really line up which makes me think it could also be cervical irritation from the vaginal progesterone so many IVF patients are on. I haven't had any spotting yet but believe me, I'm looking out for it just in case. We're right in that implantation window and with all the twinges and tiny cramps I'm feeling, I'd love some insight as to what's going on in there!

1dp5/6dt - R&R

Today is the first day after our transfer or 1 day post 5 day transfer. After transfer I received two sets of instructions - one from Dr. D and one from my acupuncturist S. Dr. D recommends 48 hours of bed rest post transfer, not super strict but definitely stay home and chill in bed. S's advice was actually more cautious, she wants her patients to have 4 full days off during which they're supposed to stay home and relax. For me, not only does this mean I'm home in bed, it also means Milou misses both of her classes and her vet appointment. Poor little lady, but there isn't anything I wouldn't do to help this embie stick.

I was feeling pretty normal for progesterone, hungry, bloated and almost a little crampy, until this afternoon when something randomly upset my stomach. I have no idea what it was, I'm not on any new medication nor have I eaten anything different, but I was stuck in the bathroom feeling miserable for an hour. I'm really hoping my embie is still nice and safe in there, in theory an upset stomach shouldn't effect them but I still worry. It's probably just the hormones and the juice I drank with a little anxiety mixed in.

In good news, I'm happy to report that my cloth pantyliners are holding up spectacularly to the Endometrin. I was worried it would stain them because it dissolves into a chalky paste but each one has washed completely clean on the first water rinse. I haven't had to soak a single one, just a little soap and hand wash if I need it straight away, or a rinse and toss in the washing machine if I can wait. I'm really impressed with them, they've been so much more comfortable than disposables, I'm so, so glad I made the switch, I can't imagine wearing disposables and getting hives for the next 12 weeks!

Baby on Board!

This mornings transfer went so smoothly, I feel so good about our chances! After trying to sleep unsuccessfully through my excitement and nerves, I woke up to some funky dreams a little before my alarm.  To prevent any uterine contractions that could hinder our frostie sticking, I took my Naproxen at 8am with a weird assortment of food from the fridge. Two glasses of water, crackers, strawberries, yogurt and left over potatoes - I really didn't want to get sick >< Then I drank another liter of water between 9 and 9:30 to make sure my bladder was super full.

Around 10am we checked in at the ART center and paid our embryology bill - another $1150 to the embryologist for thawing and prepping our embryo. Since they hadn't had me come in the day before, we went across the hall and had my blood drawn for a progesterone and estrogen check too, just to make sure it was still at a decent level. Then, they whisked us off to our procedure room to gown up and get ready!

Gowned up!

Gowns on and bottoms off, they checked my bladder first to make sure it was full enough to press my uterus into the right position. Since I'd chugged all that water, believe me, it was full! I had to pee pretty bad and since Dr. D was in a consultation, he was running a bit behind and my bladder was getting fuller and fuller. We were hoping he'd come in quickly but when it looked like he was going to be even longer, the nurse let me go pee for exactly 5 seconds - no more than 5 one-thousands and then I was to stop.  That wasn't fun but I did it and honestly, was just super relieved that she let me go at all.

Finally, a few minutes later, Dr. D was ready! The nurse fired up the ultrasound machine to guide him and he got to the nitty gritty prep - mostly, setting up the speculum, aligning my cervix, and repeatedly washing it to remove any trace of the Endometrin. Uncomfortable, but no worse than a pap smear. Next, they threaded a catheter up through my cervix and into my uterus, using the ultrasound to guide it, and the call was made to the embryologist that we were ready for our embie!  This took a few more minutes - they had to load our embryo up into a pipette and have the 6th or so ID check to confirm the right frostie was making it into the right mama.

Embie baby right out of the freezer :) They've just been thawed out and 

 ended up expanding a ton over the next couple hours before we put them back!

This was really the incredible part. We got to see our little embryo, a tiny white spark in a drop of transfer medium, moving slowly up the catheter and safely into my uterus, which had a perfect trilaminar lining ready to welcome it. Dr. D said our embryo looked fantastic and he thinks our babe has a 90% chance of sticking :) It was a little emotional and my legs were a little trembly, there was so much positive energy and hope in the room. The really kind ultrasound nurse thought they might be getting tired for hanging out in that position for so long and asked E to come brace my knee with his shoulder while she got my other one. It was so sweet I didn't bother telling her it was just nerves.

The little arrow shows embie safely on board!

Once the embryo is safely inside, they back the catheter out and you're officially pregnant until proven otherwise. I thought I'd be able to get up and pee, since I was basically about to burst, but they asked me to lay in place for 15-20 min. Ouch.

At 10 minutes I started asking E for the time. I had been on the brink of an accident when they finished the transfer and now I really, really had to go.

At 15 minutes I insisted he go out there and find someone RIGHT NOW to let me go pee. NOW.

At 16, 17 and 18 minutes, I made him go out again because he still couldn't find someone to release me and I was literally about to pee on the table.

At 20 minutes, I was done. There was still no one there and I had to pee so bad I almost couldn't sit up without peeing myself. It was past the 15-20 minutes and I was going pee whether they liked it or not.

I got my ass up, still in my gown and booties and went to take myself to the bathroom. Of course, as soon as I get round the corner, here comes the nurse with a wheelchair to take me. She insisted I sit in it (do you really want me to pee on your chair??) and I made it just in time to pee, thank goodness.

After that, I got dressed and we were free to go! To help embie stick, we went straight from the clinic to acupuncture and then finally home where I've been ordered to stay in bed for 2 days and take it easy for 4. I'm so ready for this baby. The waiting is the hardest part, I don't know whether I should start peeing in sticks in a week or if I should wait for my beta on the first. Either way, I know this embie is going to stick, we already love them so much. 

So ready for our frostie baby

This time tomorrow, I will be Officially Pregnant (until proven otherwise). There will be an actual, live embryo getting cozy in my uterus, settling in for the next 40ish weeks. After almost three years of trying, I am so excited and so ready that I feel like I might burst.

My pre-transfer protocol began this morning with the last of my Z-Pack, my estrace, aspirin and vitamins. I ran the last of the errands I'm going to be allowed to run for the next 4 days and then had a wonderful, relaxing acupuncture session to increase the blood flow to my uterus. Although she forgot to tell me the day before, my acupuncturist S also recommends a massage the day before transfer to completely relax the muscles. This sounded wonderful of course, who doesn't love a massage, but they usually require a bit more advanced notice than 20 minutes to book.

So, after leaving acupuncture, I called my mother in law to see if she could get me in for a massage at her regular place. Most of the places near me require at least a days notice but her place is unusually  flexible. To my great delight, they were able to squeeze us both in at a moments notice and I spent a glorious hour getting rubbed and stroked by a deceptively strong little woman. I hadn't realized I was in need of a massage until she dug her elbows into my shoulders and pressed the small of my back. Holy Ow. After being waved out of the massage clinic, hair all over the place and a tiny Thai woman telling me something about my face (perhaps that I needed water?) we capped off the evening with some delicious Italian food.

The next step begins tomorrow at 8am when I take the first of two Naproxen, along with my usual estrace and aspirin. I skip the Endometrin until after the transfer, so I'll probably bring that to the appointment with me. I follow that up with breakfast and at least a liter of water between 9 and 9:30am to ensure that I have a super full bladder for the transfer. The fuller my bladder is, the more it presses my uterus into an optimal position. Finally, we check in at 10am for our 10:30 transfer and I get to bring our little embryo home.

Everything is lining up perfectly. E and I are so ready for this frostie to be our baby. This IS going to be our baby.

Progester-Woah!

I went in for my progesterone draw this morning, fingers crossed that my progesterone decided to climb, at least a little. We had to go in early since the lab closes by 9:30am on Saturdays and I was moving extra slowly from the lingering shadow of a migraine. I had a feeling some head aches would be forthcoming from the hormones I started yesterday and they certainly didn't disappoint. After this many medicated cycles, it's pretty much a guarantee that high estrogen and progesterone will give me at least one migraine within the first 12 hours.

Still, I made it there in time and was finished with the draw in just a few minutes. I had gotten home, put in a new Endometrin and changed my pad (ew - I got lucky yesterday with a clean pad but last nights pill pretty much dissolved and fell out this morning. GROSS) and started prepping breakfast when the phone rang with results.

By today, they're looking for your progesterone to be 8 or above. Since mine was only 1.5 when they were looking for 2.0, I was a little worried it might still be low but all that anxiety, and the chocolate bunny head I ate, were for nothing! The nurse immediately said my progesterone looks great and told me my level was 15 today! This officially clears us for our Tuesday transfer and we're now just waiting on the lab to assign us our official time. Only 3 days to go until our frostie is home!

Gratuitous photo of Milou that a fellow agility student took today. Look at my lady rocking that tire :)

Endometrin Again

Today's appointment was a quick one, just a single vial blood draw to check out my progesterone levels. Unfortunately, it looks like my numbers are just a tad low, they like to see a level around 2.0 and mine was only 1.5. This isn't a setback though, it just means it's time to start my Estrace and Endometrin as scheduled to boost it up a bit. It is rising as it's supposed to, it went from 0.7 to 1.5 with ovulation and since I haven't taken any hormones until now, that was entirely on my own steam.

 Still, it's time for a little extra support so as soon as I hung up the phone with the nurse, I swallowed my Estrace and popped in an Endometrin tablet and snapped on cloth panty liner. Then I rushed off to acupuncture for my weekly needles and nap session. I'm gearing up for the transfer with S as well, I did my last regular heat clearing and energy moving session today and will see her again Monday where she'll prep me for the embryo by improving blood flow to my uterus.  I'll be seeing her or her associate D on Tuesday after the transfer as well to help our little frostie stick.

Please don't kill my panty liners Endometrin...

Since this little babe IS going to stick and I'm going to be taking Endometrin for the next 10-12 weeks, I'm curious to see how my liners hold up to the assault. I'm trying out an all cotton flannel liner today and I'm thinking I might strip it with dish soap or something similarly grease cutting afterward, just to prevent any of the medication medium from affecting the absorbancy of the fabric.

My next check in is tomorrow to see how much my progesterone has gone up in 24 hours. My poor little arm, the tech can still only draw from one vein so it's taking a lot of abuse. This brings the FET calendar to two more days of Medrol, three more days of the Z-Pack and aspirin, and hopefully 10-12 more weeks of the Endometrin and Estrace to look forward to.