TWW: Almost There

Tomorrow we finally (finally!) go in for our blood test. I am so ready for good news, today has been a bit of a rotten apple. First, I was feeling a little too eager this morning and decided to test with one of my internet cheapies. Definitely not a brilliant move since I got a blindingly white big fat negative. It's really difficult to sort out how I'm feeling, between trying to think positive and the progesterone making me feel nuts, I'm not optimistic about the blood test tomorrow. It could still be too early for a pregnancy to show on a urine test, but I would have killed to see two little lines.

After the negative test, I got to enjoy a generous helping of cramps all morning. I didn't want to take anything just in case I am pregnant, so I just waited for them to fizzle out. Luckily they were gone by around 11am so they weren't too awful. This of course leads me to - what does it mean? My period? A pregnancy? Progesterone? Who knows!

In an attempt to improve the morning, I stopped and got some Coffee Bean for E and I. E got a Vanilla Ice Blended (so jealies) and I got a sugar free Chai Tea Latte with almond coconut milk. Mine was quite tasty, but I have a strong preference for cold drinks (not allowed - boo) and it was over 80 here today.  I was just starting to recover from the cramps and was making some omelets for breakfast when bam, that miserably familiar stomach pain (not the gallbladdery awful pain, that achy abdomen pain that pops up every few days). I have no idea where this pain comes from - it's best described as abdominal pain rather than a stomach ache and if I had to guess, I'd say it's probably from the progesterone. That drug is awful. It's almost 5pm here and it's just starting to go away, which means I've been miserable for 6 hours. Ugh.

Add in the general gross feeling of progesterone "squishiness", the fact that I can't have sex with my husband (see aforementioned nasty progesterone), and today has been an all around sucky day. My mind has been running to our next steps -IUI #2/ IVF, and now I'm wondering how soon we could get started on the Fragile X probe. If our blood test is negative tomorrow, I wonder if we could start the probe process early since it takes a couple months to make. I know they're going to need DNA from my sister and I, but there's no way they're going to get DNA from my sperm donor who passed on my lovely premutation.  Damn, I was so hopefully that this IUI would work and we wouldn't have to go there.

Eff you stupid negative pee test. Eff you and your stupid one line.

TWW: Owie

Over the past couple days I've been carefully avoiding thinking about anything TTW related. E had a rare day off, which we enjoyed doing a whole lot of nothing, and I've been keeping busy with work. Aside from the endometrin twice a day, and drinking my acupuncture herbs three times a day,  my plan not to think about it (much) was going pretty well. Until about 3am this morning.

E and I had gone to bed early, around 12:30 and I was sound asleep and dreaming until my dream suddenly turned very painful. I don't remember exactly what I was dreaming about, but I do remember dreaming that I was tossing and turning because my abdomen hurt. Then, to no one's surprise, I woke up tossing and turning because my abdomen hurt. I'm no sissy when it comes to pain, I usually have a pretty high pain threshold, but whatever was going on in there hurt and didn't seem inclined to stop.  Half asleep I got up and went pee, thinking maybe my bladder was just full, but the walk to the bathroom was enough to wake me up and realize that something was definitely going on.

(Source)

It definitely wasn't cramps, it was higher than my uterus, and felt higher than my appendix too. Once I got past the overwhelming feeling of "pain" it seemed to be worse on my right side, so I wondered if it could be my gallbladder or kidney stones, though I've never had any problems with either before, or if it could be an ectopic pregnancy or a ruptured cyst. It seems too coincidental that it should happen now when we're in the middle of fertility treatments and it didn't feel like an upset stomach either.

Finally, after tossing and turning and clutching my abdomen for some time, I decided that if the pain didn't subside within the next 5-10 minutes, I was going to wake up E and we were going to the ER. He was already somewhat awake, since I felt help patting me in his sleep, but I didn't have any bleeding and it didn't seem life threatening.  I gave my body a stern talking too, sipped some bubbly water, and finally feel asleep just a few minutes before my self imposed deadline. Thank goodness.

This morning I woke up and felt fine. No pain, no soreness, it's like it never happened. I'm definitely going to bring it up at my next appointment, but I don't think it warrants a separate visit. E was trying to think positive and told me it might just be really strong implantation cramps and I didn't have the heart to tell him my uterus doesn't hang out with my gallbladder. Fingers crossed for super strong implantation cramps!

TWW: Eff You Endometrin

I don't have much to say today expect that I kind of hate Endometrin. If it doesn't stop fucking with me soon, I will... do nothing and continue taking it anyway because it's helping keep my potentially there pregnancy alive. I'm only 6 DPIUI, right in the zone for implantation, and it's way too soon to be having any side effects, but the progesterone gives you all kinds of pregnancy symptoms that makes you feel insane. I'm pretty sure my boobs might just fall off my chest, I'm still crampy, and it's also conspiring with my Menopur to make me feel extra fat. Eff you Endometrin, but please keep supporting my potential, maybe there, pregnancy.

Fatty McFatty

I'm also too afraid (read chicken shit) to pee on a stick and see if the trigger is out of my system yet. It's been about 8 days since I took it, but since it can hang around for something like 13 days, I'm scared of getting my hopes too high. In theory I should be able to see the line getting lighter and lighter until it's gone, and then any line after that should be a real positive. Maybe I'll check and see how light it is on Saturday, 9 DPIUI, and 11 DP Trigger. It should be pretty nonexistent by then.

TWW: (Not) Symptom Spotting

Since I don't want to make myself crazy, I'm trying not to symptom spot up until the test. That's definitely easier said than done though since the Endometrin is giving me some noticeable unpleasant symptoms.

(Source)

• 4 DPIUI - cramping alllll day. This was day 2 of Endometrin so I'm not sure if it's implantation (pleasepleaseplease healthy embryo!) or the fact that I'm putting progesterone up my lady bits. Ugh.

• Super sore boobs - I have large breasts as it is and now they feel so heavy and sore! Every time I take off my bra I kind of want to cry and I thought I might deck E when he accidentally bumped me.

• Bloating - who knows on this one, it's a side effect of everything. The Menopur, the Ovidrel, the Endometrin, too much (healthy) Mexican food etc. I'm used to it at this point but I'd love it if I didn't look like I swallowed a balloon.

• Tiredness - another one that could be attributed to everything. I'm still recovering from a lot of early mornings and late nights for the wedding and I could definitely use a few more Z's. Still, I'm tired each night, want to sleep in every morning, and at my acupuncture appointment, where I usually doze on and off after about 15 minutes, I passed out HARD within the first few minutes and slept like a log for over an hour. My acupuncturist S let me sleep and I was super grateful. 

I have also lost my primary distraction which is going to the gym. S said she doesn't want me burning up my chi doing cardio and weight lifting when when we need all of it to go to my uterus and help implantation. By now, sperm and egg should have made their love connection and a little embryo should be implanting or on it's way to implanting. S said I can go on leisurely 30 minute walks but that's about it until after this little embryo has hopefully made itself cozy and sticky. Once (see the positive thinking? once, not if!) I have a confirmed BFP, I can get back to a more normal life. Let's go little embryo, stick baby, stick!

TWW: IUI Protocol

Now that I'm in the TWW (two week wait), I'm looking for all sorts of ways to distract myself. J and C's wedding was a happy and time consuming distraction but now that it's over, my mind is free to wander. I'm also under strict orders from my acupuncturist to take it easy for the next week, so no gym, no stress, basically no diverting energy from my uterus where there's hopefully a healthy little embryo getting comfortable.

Although I'm a little unsure about the upcoming acupuncture dates since I'm only 4DPIUI, I think this is the jist of my IUI protocol for this cycle. I'm feeling really good about this cycle so I'm telling myself we won't need to do this again until we want another healthy baby, but if we do my RE wants us to go balls to the wall. This cycle I had a bunch of little follies that didn't grow in time to be ovulated with my dominant follicle. If we need to do this again, the RE wants us to do IVF, starting with birth control (to even the starting line for all the follicles) and then 8 vials of Menopur a day to generate as many as possible. Dr. K doesn't think it's worth harvesting less than 3 eggs which I'm mixed about but see the merit in.

Here's the protocol we followed for this cycle, that will hopefully result in a healthy BFP:

CD 1 - Base ultrasound, 300 IU Menopur
CD 2 - 300 IU Menopur
CD 3 - 300 IU Menopur
CD 4 - 300 IU Menopur
CD 5 - E2 Labs & Ultrasound, 2 good follies one ~11mm, one ~8mm, 1 little cyst ~12mm, 4 tiny follies, Estrogen 68, 375 IU Menopur, Acupuncture
CD 6 - 375 IU Menopur
CD 7 - 375 IU Menopur
CD 8 - E2 labs & Ultrasound,1 good follie 15mm, 1 little cyst ~12mm, Estrogen 186, 375 IU Menopur, Acupuncture
CD 9 - E2 labs & Ultrasound, Ovidrel Trigger, 1 good follie 20mm, one small follie 13mm, 1 little cyst ~12mm, Estrogen 286
CD 10 - Positive thoughts
CD 11 - IUI! Go little swimmers, go!
1   DPIUI - Acupuncture
2   DPIUI - Positive thoughts
3   DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily
4   DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily, Acupuncture
5   DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily
6   DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily
7   DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily, Acupuncture
8   DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily
9   DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily
10 DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily
11 DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily
12 DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily
13 DPIUI - Endometrin twice daily, TEST!!

I'm on my second day of Endometrin now and it's an unfortunately messy medication. They come as these little white pills that you insert like a tampon to help support the pregnancy. The downside of course is that pills dissolve, so it looks like I'm stuck wearing a panty liner for (hopefully!) the next 10 weeks. It's a bit of a mood killer, but anything that helps keep a baby safe and healthy, until we can find out of they're healthy around 14-15 weeks, is okay in our book.

Over the next two weeks I also need to decide if I should test at home before my Beta blood test. On one hand, I don't want to see another negative test, but I also feel like I need to go into the blood test with some idea of what to expect. Some people get negative HPTs right up until their blood test but others get positives pretty quickly. I've never had a positive test before so I don't know how my body will react but hopefully I'll know soon.

Congratulations J and C!

Yesterday, my best friend J married his wonderful and lovely fiancee C! J and I have been besties since I was two, he was three, and he realized that my house was the place to go for the good snacks. J and I met E at the same time and the two of them are wonderful friends who spent many days in Las Vegas watching pay per views and playing arcade games while their mothers worked. Growing up, J and I were always together, usually mistaken for twins, and I consider him closer than a sibling. He's the peanut butter to my jelly, the cheese to my cracker, my fantastically brilliant and nerdy Pony, and E and I are so, so over the moon that he's found a woman to spend his life with.

Twinsies

C is a kind, compassionate and sassy woman and we know they will have a happy and laughter filled life together. She balances him, challenges him and makes him a better man. We've been getting to know her over the past three years they've been together and it couldn't be clearer that they're willing to work, sweat and put in whatever is required to build a healthy marriage.  They've already been through the home buying process together, worked out how they want their lives together to function and are ready to go. We're so proud of J and the man he's grown into. 

I don't have photos from their wedding yet, so here's E and J at my wedding

Although J and C live in the Seattle area, their wedding was here in So Cal. Since they were planning things from a distance, they ended up using many of the wonderful vendors E and I used for our wedding. C's dress was made by the incredible Brides by Liza and she was absolutely radiant in a vintagey lace gown with adorable cap sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. They used our favorite photographers in the world, Ohana Photographers, who were every bit as amazing as we remembered them. They were kind enough to snap a couple shots of E and I together and even though it was blazing hot out, I really hope they turned out well. J and C also used phenomenal make up and hair artists,  the talented Daniela Bernotas, Picasso with a makeup brush and the daughter of one of our family friends, and Lindsay, whose last name I can't remember, but who worked magic with every one's hair. C looked truly gorgeous, a more refined and polished version of herself but still authentically "her".  They also used a family friend's bakery for their delicious butter cream cake and a local flower shop for the bouquets.

Unfortunately I was too busy enjoying the wedding to take photos myself, so I'll have to wait until the pro photos come in to post some. I will, however, tease you with a delicious photo of their cake as J and C wind their way up the coast on a sweet, mini honeymoon road trip.

Yes, it was absolutely as delicious as it looks

Congratulations J and C. We wish you health, happiness and the fulfillment of all your hopes and dreams. We love you both so very much.

Baby Making!

We did it! E and I had our IUI appointment this morning and hopefully millions of little swimmers are headed for my (hopefully healthy!) egg as we speak. The appointment ended up being a two part process with a break in between.

First, we got to our appointment at 9am.  E had a little trouble parking but eventually got an excellent spot right by the front door. I had my vitals taken, blood pressure and temperature, and we dropped off our swimmers. The processing takes a little while to complete so the nurse suggested we go grab a quick bite. 

It is hotter than hell today, over 100 degrees, and E's only request was that we not walk far in the heat. Lucky for him, there was a busy Mexican restaurant right across the street from the hospital and I love Mexican food, morning, noon and night. I got a delicious pollo asada plate, chicken breast and beans, and E had some yummy looking heuvos rancheros. It was the perfect little pick me up before the procedure and was just enough to tide me over. We had a quick walk back to the hospital and then it was time!

Go swimmers, go!

The actual IUI itself went very quickly. The sperm was loaded into the syringe with a catheter, the nurse put the speculum in, definitely the most uncomfortable part, threaded the catheter in which just felt like a little pressure and bam, swimmers are on their way. Afterwards I laid with my knees up for 15 minutes and since my acupuncturist insists that sperm respond to positive energy, E and I played some music and sent positive thoughts to my egg and the swimmers. I had really minimal cramping and the tiniest bit of blood a couple hours later, but overall I feel pretty good.

I have everything crossed, hoping that a lucky sperm makes it to a healthy egg with my unaffected X chromosome. We are so ready for a family and it feels so close. My pregnancy test should be done around May 28th and until then I'm going to try and keep myself occupied. Tonight is my friend's bachelor party and we're hitting up Yamashiro for some steak and sushi and the Laugh Factory for some entertainment. It should be a wonderful night and an excellent distraction.

 

Black Outs and Trigger Shots

I'm currently sitting in the waiting room of my RE's office. I should be going in for my 4th monitoring ultrasound in a few minutes but the power just went out to the whole block. Living in Southern California, losing power is not exactly a shocker in the summer.  It's ridiculously hot right now and a city block with at least 6 hospital buildings must draw an insane amount of power.

The back up generators clicked on almost immediately and now the nurses are trying to get the stubborn computers back up. It sounds like half the building is without computers which makes patient check in an interesting experience. Three different nurses have now called for the same person who I'm pretty sure is already back in a room. 

Lucky for me, I was able to get my blood drawn before the power went out. My right arm which I use for blood draws 99% of the time is a little battered and bruised so I asked the tech to use my left with its more stubborn veins. I'm starting to make friends with the tech since I'm there basically every day, and I was super impressed when he got it in one go.  The vein on that side is really deep and hard to find but he only left a tiny bruise. 

Veeeeeeiiiiinnnnnssss

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Damn, I had typed up a whole post but it didn't save when I put my phone down for my exam. The appointment this morning went well, but it was conducted entirely in the dark.  The nurse led me down the dark hallway and into the exam room, lit only by the screen on the ultrasound machine. It actually felt a lot like my acupuncture appointments, minus the candles and soft music and I was afraid I might fall asleep since it was still so early.

Everything was a little awkward since the table was electric and the back up generators didn't provide power to lift it up, but we made it work. The "group of follicles" on my right has been reclassified as a cyst (as I had initially thought) but it's very small and isn't a big concern. The mature follie on the left is a perfect 20mm and has several too small 9-10 follies behind it. There's also a 13mm follie on the right, but it's pretty small too. Dr. K said not to discount it entirely, so we're calling my total loot a follicle and a half. My estrogen supports that at around 280 so I was given the all clear to trigger tonight!  I'm nervous and excited all rolled in one, I need that egg to have my healthy X chromosome.

In the midst of all this infertility chaos, my best friend J is marrying his wonderful fiancee, C. I'm the Best Woman in their wedding and have felt awful about my infertility crap interfering with their wedding plans. Luckily, our IUI will be done before the wedding but it's still on the morning of the Bachelor/Bachelorette party, and I'm going to have to sneak away after the rehearsal but before the rehearsal dinner for some quick acupuncture. I'm so excited for them to tie the knot and the ceremony should be intimate, personal and beautiful.