TWW: (Not) Symptom Spotting

Since I don't want to make myself crazy, I'm trying not to symptom spot up until the test. That's definitely easier said than done though since the Endometrin is giving me some noticeable unpleasant symptoms.

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• 4 DPIUI - cramping alllll day. This was day 2 of Endometrin so I'm not sure if it's implantation (pleasepleaseplease healthy embryo!) or the fact that I'm putting progesterone up my lady bits. Ugh.

• Super sore boobs - I have large breasts as it is and now they feel so heavy and sore! Every time I take off my bra I kind of want to cry and I thought I might deck E when he accidentally bumped me.

• Bloating - who knows on this one, it's a side effect of everything. The Menopur, the Ovidrel, the Endometrin, too much (healthy) Mexican food etc. I'm used to it at this point but I'd love it if I didn't look like I swallowed a balloon.

• Tiredness - another one that could be attributed to everything. I'm still recovering from a lot of early mornings and late nights for the wedding and I could definitely use a few more Z's. Still, I'm tired each night, want to sleep in every morning, and at my acupuncture appointment, where I usually doze on and off after about 15 minutes, I passed out HARD within the first few minutes and slept like a log for over an hour. My acupuncturist S let me sleep and I was super grateful. 

I have also lost my primary distraction which is going to the gym. S said she doesn't want me burning up my chi doing cardio and weight lifting when when we need all of it to go to my uterus and help implantation. By now, sperm and egg should have made their love connection and a little embryo should be implanting or on it's way to implanting. S said I can go on leisurely 30 minute walks but that's about it until after this little embryo has hopefully made itself cozy and sticky. Once (see the positive thinking? once, not if!) I have a confirmed BFP, I can get back to a more normal life. Let's go little embryo, stick baby, stick!

Going back to go forward

The end of November is here and E finally got the chance to see the new urologist. I, of course, had jury duty all day so he had to go by himself. We arranged to keep me on speakerphone, since facetime wasn't private enough, so I could at least listen in on the appointment and hear everything first hand. It was quite awkward pacing the courthouse halls talking about motility, count and the failure of my ovaries, but I'm glad I got to participate.

Even though we've run a whole host of tests, this new urologist wants two more semen analysis tests and another set of labs. E started the blood work and we have a specific schedule for the SAs, I think they're going to be more detailed tests this time. Our last Kaiser SA reported 0 as "less than 2 million" so the new urologist thinks it wasn't a sensitive enough test. Like just about everything in the infertility process thus far, it could turn out to be a good thing or a bad thing.

E might not have a 0 count which would mean he can produce sperm which would be amazing! However it would also mean that there isn't something correctable like a blockage that we could reverse easily to get him to a normal count. There's also the concern about motility though, which suggests that the sperm he's producing isn't viable. It all points to IVF again, so while the particulars have changed, I think the end result is the same. 

Our next appointment is for me on the 29th. I think it's going to be another general "this is how the infertility process goes, these are the tests we run" even though we have already had that conversation with several different doctors. At least I was able to get our records faxed over.

I know the infertility process isn't going to be easy, but I sure wish it was less repetitive.

E Update

After lots and lots of anxious waiting, E's results are in. His lab work was absolutely and completely normal, I'm actually pretty jealous of his FSH level, it was way way better than mine. Unfortunately, or fortunately? his third semen analysis came back at a zero. We aren't sure if this indicates a partial blockage, which would be fixable with microsurgery, or a genetic problem like a lack of the cells that produce sperm.

The next step is a biopsy to see if there are any viable sperm in there. You'd think since all the medical professionals agree on this course of action, that it wouldn't be too difficult to move forward. Unfortunately, you'd be wrong. E can't proceed with his biopsy with his current urologist, he needs a specialist in the urology department at a different Kaiser.  After E's results came in, his urologist said he was referring us to this new urologist. Then, he accidentally forgot to put through the referral before he went on vacation. In the two weeks it took E's urologist to get back from vacation, almost the entire month of November filled up :( We were expecting this so I had tried to schedule the appointment sooner, as both the current urologist's nurse and the new urologist's nurse knew the referral was supposed to be sent, but it was no good.

Now that the referral is finally in, the new urologist's office refused to schedule the appointment because our insurance still shows no infertility coverage. I had to explain that the new coverage is coming and argue with three different people before they agreed to make the appointment.
E has his next appointment on November 25^th, which also happens to be the day I have jury duty and we'll have guests from out of town >_< I expect it will be another consultation instead of the biopsy he's supposed to be having so at least it won't slow him too down too much.

We did get the good news that our new insurance should be in effect as of November 1st but it didn't come quite fast enough to stop the payments for our individual plans. I also called on the first to confirm the new plans and cancel the individual ones, and they had no record of the new ones. I'm assuming it takes a little while for all the paperwork to be processed on their end, but it sure isn't making things easy and the waiting is driving me nuts.

Two wrongs can't make it right: The 30%

I know I said we'd be getting results back by the end of the week, but it ended up taking forever to get our hands on the test results. My cortisol results came back negative for Cushings, which we weren't at all surprised about, but I suppose that is good news. Unfortunately, we did not get so lucky with E's Semen Analysis.

E's results came in last Monday and due to some fax mishaps, we weren't able to get our hands on them last Thursday. Once we did get them, I kind of wished they hadn't come in. It turns out that we are dealing with rather severe male factor infertility - low sperm count, less than 1 million, and 0 motility. It actually says 0, not low, or hey just a few are determined enough to swim, actually 0. What lazy little fuckers. E and I keep picturing them playing on a PS3 like nah, I could move but I'm much too busy.

This news puts us into the worst 30% - 30% of couples have female factor infertility, 30% have male factor infertility and 30%, including us, are unfortunate enough to have both. Basically, we have 0% of conceiving on our own. Kind of like 0% motility.

Today we had a phone consultation with a doctor at one of the local fertility clinics. I don't know the first thing about selecting a fertility clinic, but this one offered a free phone consultation so I figured it was a good first step. E and I spoke with him for a few minutes on the phone and once he heard my lab results he pretty much said, aw crap, you should have started fertility treatment yesterday, you have diminished ovarian reserve/premature ovarian failure/old and moldy eggs.  He was less worried about E's abysmal SA results since all he needs is one spermie to create an embryo, even if it's poor quality and even if he has to go in to E's testicles to get it.

He immediately booked us for the first available appointment after this cycle ends so he can ultrasound my ovaries and see if there are any follicles. There should be some, since I definitely ovulate every month, but I don't know about their quality. And of course, since we have no infertility coverage, this is all going to be out of pocket. After we hung up with him I had to call back and speak to their financial department to find out a little bit more about cost. It seems that the appointment will run us $200 and the ultrasound either $275 or $700 depending on whether it's a regular ultrasound or a fluid ultrasound. This is where I'm officially starting the tab for our infertility treatment (Plus E's SA!), if there's a higher power out there, please have mercy on my uterus and our checkbooks.

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It seems crazy to be running out of eggs at only 26 but I guess this is our new reality. Even though the doctor didn't tell us anything we weren't already expecting to hear, it still hurt like hell to hear it confirmed. I felt like crying all over again and I think it's really starting to sink in for E. I really hope this fertility clinic is a good place, because I feel a bit too fragile right now to start calling places and asking for references. I'm sure I'll pull myself together tomorrow or the next day, but for now it just hurts.

My positive spin for the day is that if E's swimmers could swim, we would already be pregnant or have a baby right now but have NO idea that I'm rapidly running out of eggs. We would have tried to have a second child in a couple years only to find that I am completely out of eggs and have no chance of having another. Because his sperm can't swim, we have the opportunity to address these problems now, while I still have eggs, hopefully enabling us to bank some embryos and have more than one child in the future.