A Weighty Matter

I really struggled with whether or not to post this, especially with pictures. I don't normally share my chubby pictures but in the interest of honesty and other people who might also be struggling to stay slim, I decided to go ahead and bare it all.

I've been a bigger person then average my whole life. Even born three weeks early, I was well over 7 pounds and assuming babies gain 2 or 3 pounds in the last few weeks I would have been one big kid. I doubled my birth weight quickly and was on the higher end of the growth chart throughout my childhood, usually running a couple sizes ahead of my age in height and in weight. Up until puberty I was all muscle and bone, but after 12 I started to get hips, thighs, boobs, and a belly. Since then, my genetics have been working against me to hoard every calorie I consume and stash it away in my fat cells, even when I'm eating healthy foods.

2004, on the skinny via Atkins diet

In high school I went on a modified Atkins diet and lost maybe 20 or 30 pounds. I got down to about 130 on my 5'6" frame but I couldn't have a single complex carbohydrate or I would immediately start gaining weight back. It wasn't long before I gained the weight back in college, plus some extra as it goes with yo-yo dieting. One noodle, cracker or bite of sandwich earned me at least 2 pounds gained as well as a halt in any weight loss for a least a week. Predictably, any attempts to keep myself trim were forgotten while I focused on school and it wasn't until my final year (junior) that I tried to lose a bit. I lost maybe 10 pounds cutting my caloric intake down to 800 calories per day and those pounds came back quickly once I started eating 1000 calories +.  I was back to my chubby self in just a few weeks.

2007, on the chubby courtesy of my college meal plan

The last attempt at weight loss was for my friend's wedding. Starting October 27th 2009, observing a super strict diet and working out daily, I dropped about 31 pounds by February 2010. I was even able to put on a pair of my old size 8 jeans though I don't think I could get them closed. Unfortunately, the weight had already started creeping back by the time my friend's wedding came around in July and now that it's November I feel like I've gained it all back.  I've probably lost and gained over 100 pounds this year and even though I know it's not healthy here I am trying to do it again.

January 2010, on the skinny even with lots of layers on

For me, the difference between my fat self and my skinny self is only one size. I've always been a large or extra large on top to accommodate the girls, no matter how skinny or fat I get, so the only size that changes are my pants. At my absolutely fattest, I am a size 12. At my absolutely skinniest, that I haven't been since I was 17, I was a size 8 but my skinny size now that I'm an adult is a size 10. Even in high school, being a size 8 meant that you could see my hip bones through my pants and count my ribs. Since high school, I've never made it back down to 130 or even 135. While most people would move between sizes at about 10-20 pounds, I seem to move between them at a difference of 30+ pounds, making it really really tough to tell when I'm gaining or losing.

July 2010, chubby AGAIN aaaarrrgggh!

Moving from skinny to chubby and back again is driving me nuts. I don't expect to ever be a size 2, or even a size 8 again, but I really wish I could reach a size 10 that I could maintain and still be able to eat a cracker. Keeping myself healthy and slim is so important not only for me but for any kids I have since your pre-pregnancy weight and pregnancy weight have been shown to have a huge impact on your child's weight later in life. Since my honey has also struggled to keep slim, our kids are gonna get a double whammy of overweight genes and need any advantage I can give them.

Although I'll probably say this a million times on this blog, I am going to try to lose weight yet again. With the wedding as a goal just 4 months (!) away I know I could drop another 30 pounds if I just got my act together and got started. There's just surprisingly little left to eat when you remove all pasta, rice, grain, bread, cereal, and bread-like products.  I survive on this stuff, especially pasta, and my choices are limited further by the disinterest in meat I seem to be cultivating the older I get. I could probably be a vegetarian with little to no effort but I wouldn't know how to go about it cutting out grains and all things carby.

Today, I started the diet racket again. I had eggs for breakfast instead of cereal, and carrots, peanut butter, and an apple for lunch since there's no way I could eat my left over tacos, beans and rice. I didn't hop on the treadmill, but I'm going to try to use this blog to keep me accountable. Wish me luck!