There's Nothing You Can Do That Can't Be Done

My honey, E,  has a very good friend, D, whose had a really tough life. It's a really difficult situation because he's a fantastic guy who is really smart but has made some bad decisions and they've resulted in him really living day to day. He's one of the people you could have expected big things from, but instead he's looking for work at McDonalds and paying for food and cigarettes with change.

A child of divorced parents, D was raised by his pot smoking father with little to no involvement from his mom. They did okay as long as his father was employed but things were difficult when he wasn't. In the beginning of 9th grade he was pulled out of high school after an incident of bullying and was home schooled. Thankfully, he was able to get his GED so at least he "finished" high school. While bullying is difficult to deal with, the prevailing school of thought is to let your kids try to deal with it before pulling them out. Learning how to deal with a bully teaches children really valuable coping skills for dealing with difficult people later in life, a disagreeable coworker or an annoying boss. While you're supposed  help manage the bullying and advocate for your child, you're not supposed to pull them out after one single incident at the beginning of high school. It literally programs avoid and escape conflict into their brains instead of handle and resolve conflict.

When my honey was a teenager, he also went through the typical tough years where he hated his classes and didn't want to go. The difference is he had a very involved mom who spoke with his principle, put her foot down and forced his butt to class. His friend didn't have that parent and it really highlights for me how parents need to advocate for and push their children, especially when they don't want to be pushed. Everyone has days/weeks/years where they don't want to go to school, and having a parent to push you forward makes all the difference. Because of his mother not letting him slack off, E has a college degree and is working towards establishing his career. Who knows what might have happened had he been allowed to wallow in his teenage self pity and skip class?

Like most young people in Los Angeles, D wanted to be a musician in a band. He used his capable mind, taught himself to play guitar, and started a metal band. Unfortunately, like most bands in Los Angeles, his has not brought him fame and fortune. He has no plan B, no back up idea to support himself, no college degree to fall back on when his music doesn't earn him a living. He's trying now to get himself into classes sometime in the future but who knows if he'll be able to when he can't find a job, can't afford his cigarettes, can't afford to live.

Right now he's living with a really difficult family friend, S, who takes vicious advantage of any help given to D. One time my honey gave D and S a ride to the 99 cents store. After that, S somehow got my honey's number and called him over and over again for rides, getting angry and violent when E couldn't and didn't want to give them to this random guy he didn't even know. We're really, really worried about D but there's no way we can help him get back on his feet while he's staying with S. It's a bad situation that we can't remove him from until he removes himself. After E and I bought D and his girlfriend dinner for D's birthday, D had to ask for change to buy dinner for S since he didn't have money to buy groceries. It hurts my heart to see him in a bad situation but what can you do when there's nothing to be done?

Me, D and E