9dp5/6dt - Still two lines!

I tested again this morning with another crappy old cheapie since the tests that bestie mailed still haven't arrived. One package has literally been sitting and collecting dust in my local FedEx office but they won't let me go pick it up. Super annoyed with FedEx right now. Even though yesterdays tests were positive, I think I held my breath from the appearance of the control line to the moment the second line popped up. It still feels surreal, though I'm doing my best to enjoy it in the here and now.

The lines look purple because I took the photo after the tests were dry. I think the lines are getting darker!

I also received my cloth pad order from Cozy Folk! I took a chance and ordered a couple postpartum/overnight sized pads along with my liners, telling myself that I could always use them just as overnight pads. If all continues to go well, I'll actually get to use them postpartum :) I bought two 14" heavies and two 12" moderates. The colors and patterns are super bright and adorable but her design is something I've never seen before!

Two 14" on the left, two 12" on the right

I'm not sure if you can tell because I snapped these photos quickly but her pads are backed in Wind Pro fleece with a raw edge. The backing extends past the core as it does in most pads, but instead of continuing the absorbent top material to the edge, she finishes the top fabric edges a couple cms in from the backing edges. I think this is done to prevent leaking off the edge, the backing fabric is water resistant so it won't absorb any liquid, although the single layer around the edges feels somewhat flimsy and floppy compared to the double layers on other pads. In theory, I think liquid will bead and head towards the core and the soft edges will probably be pretty comfortable.

For liners, I decided to try minky, which is especially stain resistant, because I ordered them before I started the Endometrin. I think they'll be just fine and comfy but my plain cotton topped liners have actually been the best for Endometrin thus far. As it dissolves, the pill comes out as a sort of chalky, powdery paste that gets caught in the fibers of longer fabrics but rinses easily off plain, flat cotton. I actually prefer the flannel for my period, but thus far the smooth cotton fabrics win for suppositories. I'll have to see how the minky does tomorrow.

Sorry for the crappy photo!

More importantly, tomorrow is my first official beta! I've been trying to keep my mind off of it so I stay relaxed but it's much easier said than done. I'm not really nervous, but I feel like I'm filled with restless energy. I keep sitting down and then popping back up and I can't seem to settle down.  Unfortunately, walking around a lot seems to give me more little cramps so I feel reluctant to get it out by taking the dog for a walk or something similar.  I might try packing since E and I are heading to San Diego for a couple days for E's work. I'm hoping relaxing in the hotel will be a nice distraction to waiting for my levels to rise for the next anticipated beta on Monday. Or I could end up pacing the room, sitting down and popping back up just like I'm doing here. When does it stop? When my betas rise correctly? When we see a heartbeat? When we get to 12 weeks? When do I relax, or do you never really relax after IVF?

8dp5/6dt - I DID A THING

AHHHHH!!  Do you see it?? These tests are super expired, and it's really, really early, today would only be 3 weeks 6 days, but I see a line on all three tests! We have to keep our cool, it's so early and my betas aren't until Friday and Monday so we won't even know if my HCG levels are high enough to be a viable baby. I've just never had a positive pregnancy test before!

I know at this point that it could be a chemical or an ectopic or any number of other things but for right now, in this moment, I think I'm pregnant! And if that wasn't enough, the doorbell rang and it was a gorgeous bouquet of red roses from one of my besties who knew I was having trouble getting through the two week wait. 

She included a really sweet card and that just about did me in, my hormones can't take this kind of sweetness when I'm this full of emotion already. I couldn't even call her to say thank you, by the time I got my myself together I was at Milou's class where no one knows what we're doing, so I had to text her. She also put some pregnancy tests in the mail for me and they will hopefully arrive tomorrow. That way I have more sticks to pee on before the beta so I can make myself wonderfully crazy over how dark the line is. In the meantime I'm both elated and exhausted, with a healthy dose of sharp little cramps thrown in to remind me that my embie baby is in there doing stuff. 

I can't believe this is really happening. After everything, our embryo is actually sticking!

7dp5/6dt - Spotting Vanished!

Yesterday, even though I know it's normal, the pink spotting was really freaking me the fuck out. It finally, mercifully, stopped after a little over an hour, and I haven't seen even the tiniest trace of it since although I'm still holding my breath every time I pee. I know logically that since it was pink, it was probably from my cervix which has to be supremely pissed off from all the progesterone I've been shoving up there.

The blood was also somewhat streaky, meaning there's a good chance it could be implantation bleeding, a small bleed from the embryo burrowing into the uterine lining and shoving some aside as it gets cozy. You usually get implantation bleeding about 10-14 days after conception, although it's a little different with IVF. I got my spotting 12 days after ovulation, which fits perfectly into that window had we conceived naturally, 6 days after we put our embryo back. If it is implantation bleeding, it could also have been from a couple days before and it just took a little while to make it's way out.

I wasn't going to post a photo because Ewww but then while I was googling implantation bleeding photos for several hours last night I found myself increasingly frustrated that more people hadn't posted their own gross photos. How could I compare my spotting if no one shared theirs?? Did my spotting look normal? Did someone else experience the same thing and have a healthy baby in there? I needed answers! The few people who did post photos, usually on message boards, didn't update the same thread with the outcome which was incredibly obnoxious. So, I decided after much thought to go ahead and post my photo, for the next person out there googling implantation bleeding and freaking out. I promise you I'll update when it turns out that this was implantation bleeding and I have a healthy little fighter in there.

Still, it is a little TMI for many people, so I'm going to post it after the jump so no one gets their sensibilities offended. If you don't want to see blood on a tissue, DO NOT proceed.

6dp5/6dt - Spotting and Cramping

Today, on my way home from acupuncture, I started to experience some mild cramping. It isn't awful but it is more cramping than I've had this whole cycle. I was hoping it was just uterine growing pains until I got home, peed, and noticed pink spotting.

I freaked out, wiped again, and to my great dismay, there was more. I know spotting is extremely common, some crazy high number like 90% of women on vaginal progesterone experience spotting, but that doesn't make it less scary. My only consolation is that the spotting was definitely pink, which is most often implantation spotting or cervical bleeding, usually due to irritation from the Endometrin. Brown spotting is old blood, not worrying, and red blood is obviously concerning since it's usually a period, miscarriage or sub-chronic hematoma.

As long as the bleeding doesn't turn red, I think we're still in the game. My beta isn't until the end of the week and it's only Monday, my nerves might not last until then if this keeps up. I'm hoping with everything that this is implantation bleeding and cramping from our embryo getting good and cozy and not my period trying to break through.

Please, please stick baby. Please, please, please! I'm back in bed drinking tons of water per my acupuncturist and am going to have to take it easy for the rest of the week. Come on baby, you have to stick!

4dp5/6dt - Out of the house

After four days at home, I finally journeyed outside the house today! I went to work at a client's house for a few hours, so not super exciting but still something interesting. It wasn't bad, but my tummy did start to feel tender and kind of sensitive towards the end - it's not in my stomach like a digestive upset, but in my physical belly. I don't want things touching it or pressing against it.

That brings our progesterone symptoms to:

• Tender, sensitive tummy
• Twinges, pokes and little cramps
• Minor hormonalness
• Hunger, I wake up hungry every morning
• Thirst
• Major bloating, my belly is huuuuuge
• Heartburn?

There are probably a few I'm not thinking of since I'm pretty tired, (haha I should add exhaustion to the list) but none are coming to mind at the moment. I'm going to try another little outing tomorrow, some walking around for a couple hours, and see how that goes. Our little embryo should be nice and cozy now and I'm still on the fence about whether I should test early or not. If I test early and it's negative, that will be devastating, but  if  when it's positive I will get to see a positive pregnancy test for the first time ever. It's a tough call.

3dp5/6dt - Crazy Cady Lady

Today, Cillian has been downright obsessed with my belly. He wants to lay on it, kneed it, nuzzle it and sleep on it all day long. He's not an aloof kitty by any means but he doesn't usually spend his days with me when there is sunshine to sleep in and kitty siblings to play with. Even Soximus Prime has been belly obsessed, he climbed onto my belly while I was trying to pee and went to sleep! So naturally, instead of assuming it's because my belly is especially squishy, warm and tempting from the progesterone, it gets me wondering: can cats smell early pregnancy hormones?

Oh, you wanted to pee? No, I don't think so, I'm sleeping here

Unfortunately, Pubmed doesn't seem to have a lot of information on feline recognition of early pregnancy factor, an immunosuppressant produced after conception and later by the implanted embryo. Nor is there a lot of information on feline recognition of HCG, the hormone produced after implantation. Still! If dogs and cats can smell high and low blood sugar on the breath, cancer in urine samples, or sense electrical impulses, I'm sure they can smell the hormone changes associated with pregnancy.

Although it's only been a few days and my belly is super squishy and tempting, I'm gonna choose to believe that our embie has implanted nice and secure and our fuzzies are sensing the changes. Maybe they're smelling some rising HCG levels!

2dp5/6dt - Antsy Already

Today I am still sitting in bed. Sitting and trying to distract myself from thoughts of embryos and implantation with cheesy cable movies and HGTV reruns. Every so often, between episodes of House Hunters and You've Got Mail, I try one of those visualization techniques where I picture the embryo implanting and establishing a good blood supply. Burrow in deep little embie.

Right now, there's hopefully a whole combination of things going on to adhere our embie to my uterine wall. The first step, the attachment, occurs when the outer cells of our blast attach to my endometrium, or the first layers of the uterine lining sometime around 6-10 days after ovulation. The lining sort of swells up to meet the embryo and the embryo coasts down the uterine wall to the best spot. Once they're adhered in place, the embie releases enzymes that break down the the cells of my lining to let the embie into my uterine wall where they'll begin exchanging hormones and start the early development of the placenta.

(Source)

A lot of women have pink or brown spotting around this time that they usually refer to as implantation bleeding. Sometimes that makes sense if it's 6-10 days after ovulation, but other times it doesn't really line up which makes me think it could also be cervical irritation from the vaginal progesterone so many IVF patients are on. I haven't had any spotting yet but believe me, I'm looking out for it just in case. We're right in that implantation window and with all the twinges and tiny cramps I'm feeling, I'd love some insight as to what's going on in there!

1dp5/6dt - R&R

Today is the first day after our transfer or 1 day post 5 day transfer. After transfer I received two sets of instructions - one from Dr. D and one from my acupuncturist S. Dr. D recommends 48 hours of bed rest post transfer, not super strict but definitely stay home and chill in bed. S's advice was actually more cautious, she wants her patients to have 4 full days off during which they're supposed to stay home and relax. For me, not only does this mean I'm home in bed, it also means Milou misses both of her classes and her vet appointment. Poor little lady, but there isn't anything I wouldn't do to help this embie stick.

I was feeling pretty normal for progesterone, hungry, bloated and almost a little crampy, until this afternoon when something randomly upset my stomach. I have no idea what it was, I'm not on any new medication nor have I eaten anything different, but I was stuck in the bathroom feeling miserable for an hour. I'm really hoping my embie is still nice and safe in there, in theory an upset stomach shouldn't effect them but I still worry. It's probably just the hormones and the juice I drank with a little anxiety mixed in.

In good news, I'm happy to report that my cloth pantyliners are holding up spectacularly to the Endometrin. I was worried it would stain them because it dissolves into a chalky paste but each one has washed completely clean on the first water rinse. I haven't had to soak a single one, just a little soap and hand wash if I need it straight away, or a rinse and toss in the washing machine if I can wait. I'm really impressed with them, they've been so much more comfortable than disposables, I'm so, so glad I made the switch, I can't imagine wearing disposables and getting hives for the next 12 weeks!