The Dress

So after trying on way too many too tiny dresses, I think I've finally found THE dress. I have to say it was definitely frustrating and I was just about done with the whole dress experience. I don't know what dress shopping is like in other places, but in Los Angeles the largest dress size stocked in store is usually either a 6 or an 8 for a 5'8 woman. Remembering to convert to bridal sizes which are 3-4 sizes smaller than street sizes, you need to be smaller than a 2 or a 4 to fit into the sample dresses correctly. If you are any larger (or smaller) you will quickly find yourself trussed up with clips and strings holding the back of the dress together. When you tell your salesperson that hello, you can't possibly get an idea of how the dress will look when you can't even get the top to lay flat, they will generally ignore your concerns and insist that it'll fit when they order it. This then leads me to another HUGE problem in the bridal industry, usually for smaller people, the dress alterations.

When you order a dress from a bridal store, they don't order a size that will fit you. This is absolutely done on purpose. Unless you fit the perfect stock size, they will order multiple sizes up claiming that they are fitting the largest part of your body. For women who don't have exceptionally large breasts or abnormally large hips, or another very disproportionally large body part, you don't generally need to order multiple sizes up. Especially with corset backed dresses, you DO NOT need to order a dress 4 sizes too big to get the best silhouette. This is done so they can charge you for alterations on the dress and even when you get an initial quote for under 100 dollars, those alterations can somehow go up to 500 or 600. I have talked to so many brides now who argued and argued with the sales person who measured them and insisted they needed huge tent like dresses only to gouge them with the alteration charges later. Although I'm one of the few people who would need a dress ordered a million sizes too big to fit my chest, this is one of the main reasons I loved the idea of a custom dress from the beginning.

As predicted, my dress is going to have to be a custom gown. Since it's hard to visualize how something on paper looks on your body, I was able to get into a gown close enough to make the decision. It stays true to my original design, no "poof" but is still surprisingly flattering. It's all over lace, and unlike anything I tried on previously, is fitted all the way down to my thighs in a fit and flare style with a dual layer skirt. This I thought was a huuuge no-no, since my thighs are not even on the dainty scale but it's surprisingly flattering. My mom and grandma really liked it, and while no one cried or said the stereotypical "oh my baby's so beautiful, she's growing up", they didn't tell me I looked like a stuffed sausage either. The dress will definitely have a sweetheart neckline with a scalloped edge, a corset back and a built in bustier so I won't have to wear a bra. There was definitely no "aha!" moment where I knew this would be the dress I got married in, but I really liked it and I think I will love it once it's done.

Pictures to come as soon as I can get back to the store to put down a deposit.

When The Power Of The Dress Becomes Exponentially Larger Than Your Brain

There's something that happens inside your head the longer you shop for wedding dresses. The more dresses you try on, the more desperate you seem to get to find "the" dress, the one that makes you feel like a bride whatever that's supposed to feel like, and the one that makes your mother cry. It should be beautiful, timeless, elegant, fun, and most importantly You. The trouble is, who really knows what they look like as a dress? And who's to say that "You" will actually look good on, well, you? Maybe you are all about the slick mermaid style, but your hips don't realize that. Or you feel like a plunging beachy neckline, but your boobs didn't get the memo? What happens when what you thought was you, suddenly doesn't look even remotely good on you?

I always thought I was a classic all over lace, strapless, sweetheart neckline, modified a-line. Simple, elegant, and vintage. The strapless, sweetheart neckline works wonderfully. However, simple modified a-lines don't really do it for my figure. They make me look top heavy and curveless. I look much better in a big, nay, HUGE skirt bottom. The kind of skirt bottom I swore I would never wear, the kind people occasionally call the dreaded "cupcake" dress. Although I haven't found "the" dress and I'm not sure if I will off the rack, I've tried on enough to know that that simple modified a-line just isn't going to cut it. I've now switched gears and turned towards super-poofsville in search of a big poofy dress with a visually interesting skirt.

My Wish List:

- Strapless, sweetheart neckline

- Corset back (this is a must for any sort of waist definition)

- Built in bra (I can dream right?)

- Big, full skirt with asymmetrical pick ups, different fabrics. I'm thinking layers but No cupcakes.

- Lace (non-floral!), silk and tulle

- Under $2,000.00

This seems like a pretty impossible wish list to achieve off the rack, but I'm going to keep looking a bit longer before I put down the deposit on a custom dress.

In more productive news, 90 of the Save the Dates are officially on their way to the correct recipients! I had them hand cancelled at the post office so hopefully they'll arrive in good shape. Fly free little Save the Dates! Only 8 more to go if I can ever get the correct addresses.

Family Matters

Living with your parents, or in my case, parent, Sucks. I know there are many good aspects to a temporary amicable cohabitation with your mother, your sister and your significant other, but often times those are difficult to see. Yes, the lack of rent is amazing.The lack of household related bills is equally amazing. Yes its nice to not have to bring a roll of quarters with you to do laundry. It's also cool when other people go grocery shopping too. Yes it's nice to see your family and bonding yadda yadda. But no. No, NO, NO. This is not an arrangement I wish to continue. It. Is. Not. Fun.

Living in 2010, college degrees do not equal jobs. Living in Los Angeles, a rental closet is 1200 a month. Living now is hard, yes, I know, you know, we know. But still, living in my house equals some serious major suckage. I have a dining room, a living room, and a kitchen in my garage. That also means that my bedroom is a living room a dining room, a kitchen and a storage unit. Not exactly a bow-chicka-wow-wow conductive environment for fiancees-soon-to-be-newlyweds. I know, right now we should be thankful that we have a place to live. The lack of privacy, the constant stream of yousuckness from my mom, the complete lack of personal space should be irrelevant when faced with the awesomeness of free rent. But somehow, it just isn't. We need our own space. We need out.

Moving out right now does not make sense. We should wait until after we're married (March), after we know where I'm going to medical school (Hopefully May), because we're going to have to move for that anyway if I can somehow get in. I don't really see that happening either, considering that my MCAT tutors ie geniuses, are applying for the SECOND time this year. If they can't get in on the first try, me getting in is literally laughable. We should take advantage of the free rent to save up and prepare for a few years for the crazy difficulty of married life in which according to my mother we will suddenly decide that the past 8 years of putting up with each other's crap have meant nothing and clearly a few bills will be our downfall. I would kill for some home related bills of my own right now, but I know that we need to wait. I KNOW. But, right now, in the words of Avenue Q, I say it sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucks! It sucks to be me.

The Difficult Family Member

I think every family has at least one difficult family member, the person who always causes problems, doesn't return phone calls and holds up family gatherings. Some families have multiple people like this, and we definitely have a good amount in my family. Normally this person can be dealt with, ignored, or not invited, but what do you do when it's the father of the groom?

My honey's father has been essentially impossible to get ahold of. His father and mother have been divorced since my honey was 3, but my honey spent his summers and school breaks with his father. Even growing up there were problems with his father's fanatical changing hobbies and lifestyles. He decided to only eat organic before there were organic options, and tried to keep my honey from having birthday cake at his friend's parties. He changes careers like tissues and is always taking classes so he doesn't have to pay back his student loans. At one point growing up my honey refused to call him daddy, dad or father, and his pediatrician had to call his father and say you need to stop, you're alienating your child.

While I'm grateful to this man for contributing to my honey's existence, he is fast becoming a major contender on my shit list. I have extremely strong protective instincts, and seeing my honey upset is making my stomach churn and want to throttle this guy. He has ignored phone calls, text messages, facebook messages, and every other method of communication we can think of. We don't have his address (part of the problem) so we can't show up in person. Not only do we need to inform him formally of our engagement (more formal than a facebook message, text message, and phone message), we also need to get the addresses of family members from his side. His wife is quite charming and if I could just get ahold of her I'm sure she would give us the needed information, but we only have his cell phone.

For some reason, my honey can't let go of his asshole father. My own father is a train wreck, but at least I have no illusions about his role not in my life. Every New Years, Hanukkah, Father's Day, Birthday etc my honey calls, leaves messages, and facebooks his father to say I love you. Every holiday that jack ass ignores him. When he does get ahold of him, it's all "oh yeah, we should get together, sure, come by soon" and then he never follows up.

His father recently had a family reunion with his side of the family in Hawaii and not only did he not invite my honey, he didn't even tell him about it. We found out when he posted the pictures on facebook of the big Hawaiian reunion and it really pissed me off that he would exclude his child, the closest family member you can have.

I don't know how much more I can take from this guy before I explode. I'm ready to call it quits on him, but my honey desperately wants him to be there. For his sake he had better get his ass to our wedding or this mama bear is going to be hunting him down and it's not going to be pretty.

Do It Yourself Project #2: The Groom's Tie

When it comes to weddings, it's no secret that the brides get all the style attention. They get to pick out an insanely expensive gorgeous white dress and are the center of attention, while the groom rents a tux from a number of budget companies and stands at the end of the aisle admiring his bride. If your groom wants to show a little personality, it's done in the details, a subtle pinstripe through the suit, funky shoes or socks and the highlight of the ensemble, his tie. My honey is all about blue, it's his absolute favorite color, so while most grooms wear silver or gold while their groomsmen wear the wedding color, my honey insisted that he get to wear a blue tie. And not just any blue tie, but an awesome, unique, and special blue tie.

Since ties are expensive, especially the real silk ones, this can be a costly extra if your groom doesn't like whatever ties are included with his tux rental. To try and find something special enough to be my honey's signature item without going crazy over our nonexistent tie budget, I turned to eBay. This post is more smart shopping than do it yourself, but it's budget saving regardless, so again, without further ado, I present:

Do It Yourself Project #2: The Grooms Tie

Do It Yourself Project #1: Save The Dates

While I was studying for my MCAT, a number of tempting packages arrived at my house. Since I didn't have the willpower to resist opening them, I ripped them open and discovered that my Save the Dates had come early! I had ordered them with slooow 21 day shipping so as not to tempt myself with them, but darn that awesome Vistaprint, they shipped them two weeks early! A day later my adhesive magnets came, and while I was taking my MCAT my honey's tie set arrived as well!

Save the Dates, packed safe and sound

Without further ado, I present:

Do it Yourself Project #1: Budget Save The Dates

It's Over

It's happened. I've taken the MCAT. It's over. Thursday I checked out the testing center and it was teeny tiny, one little office in a huge complex of offices. It had only three rooms, each with less than 20 computers in them. They told me I needed to be there when the doors opened at 6:30am so I could register first and not wait in line for an hour and a half.

This morning, I arrived at the testing center at 6:30am to check in for the test. I even wore my lucky pink penguin shoes and rainbow socks. There was no one else there, the parking lot was pretty much empty, the doors were locked. I was able to bang on the door a few times and managed to get them to give me the bathroom key, and they eventually opened the doors at 6:45am. Obviously I ended up being first on the list, given the lack of competition, and then my honey and I went to breakfast at Jerry's Deli. The only thing I could stomach was soup, so I had soup for breakfast and then headed back to the test center.

The test lasted from about 8am to 12:45pm. The fingerprint scanner I had to use to get in and out of the room was insanely picky and kept telling me I didn't have a finger print. The physical science section kicked my ass, but the verbal, biological and writing sections weren't too bad. I wasn't feeling awful about anything but the physical science section until I exited the test and found people talking about how they'd chosen to void their scores. Voiding your score is sort of a last resort, if you screw up your test and decide to forfeit your time, 300 dollars and all your effort. I can't imagine voiding my score after all that effort, but if I get a 15 I'll know I've made the wrong choice.

I'll know in a month...

Names, Again?!?!?!

So my honey and I had a round-about slightly too emotional debate about names again. He's cool with whatever I want to do, and the debate wasn't actually about us, but rather about the practice of taking your husband's name in general. Up until recently (see below), there wasn't even a spot on marriage certificates for the husband to change his name. This is, unfortunately, extremely close-minded and totally American. When I looked at the practices of other countries, I found that women usually keep their last name, take both names, or even combine names. In Japan, if the woman is the last of her line or if the son is a second son, the man will take his wife's name. My honey's uncomfortableness stemmed from the idea that a man taking his wife's name wasn't "normal", but when you look around you can see that what's normal is different for different people.

I don't actually want my honey to take my last name, but I do want him to acknowledge that it's perfectly reasonable for a guy to take his girl's name instead of vice versa. The history of marriage is based on change, most of the practices we associate with marriage today are only from the past 50-100 years. It used to be totally normal for an old man to marry an 11 year old, or for a woman to literally be sold to her husband. Now we're on the cusp of gay marriage, marriage is changing again and it only makes sense that naming practices should change with it. In fact, there was a measure on the ballot in California for marriage licenses to include a spot for the man to change his name that recently passed and I'm sure it will be perfectly normal for naming to go either way in another 50 years.

In addition, there's a weird sort of perception surrounding name changing or not. In a recent article by Catherine Rampell in the New York Times, a group of Dutch researchers found that women who change their name when they marry make nearly $400,000 less over their lifetimes than women who do not. They are also viewed as older, less educated, and unmotivated compared to women who don't change their names. While I feel like this study isn't entirely accurate, it does make me feel bad about the whole name changing thing. I hope that any lingering perception about whether a woman changes her name or doesn't will also be a thing of the past given enough time.

For me personally, an accidental indirect interaction with my charming sperm donor has just made the naming debate a whole lot easier. I think I'm finally ready to say "I do" to my honey's last name and "don't let the door hit you on the ass" to my sperm donor's last name. It won't be because I want to be an old, unintelligent, uneducated poor woman, but rather because I've reached the point where I'm ready to entirely distance myself from my father's family.