O is a Go!

More good news from this mornings appointment! It looks like my LH is surging right on time - it was 6 yesterday and jumped to 13.8 today so I am definitely ovulating. Estrogen was up to 219,  my progesterone was 0.7 so it should be getting ready to rise and my lining was nice and thick. This gives us a tentative transfer date of next Tuesday, the day after E's birthday. I should really find a way to be more articulate about how I feel but I keep circling back to a messy combination of anxious and excited that makes me want to cry. After almost 3 years, it feels like our take home baby is So Clos, even though I know we still have so far to go.

On Thursday I start the first of my medication - a Z Pack, Medrol and Baby Aspirin. The Medrol, a steroid that is supposed to help with implantation, is only for 4 days and the Z Pack, protection against infection since we're inserting something into my uterus and breaking the mucous barrier, is a 5 day course. I'm pretty sure the baby aspirin is also to help with implantation by improving blood flow and I might take that a bit longer.

Still a lot of meds for a natural transfer

The next appointment will be Friday to check in on my progesterone and make sure it's rising appropriately. Then I'll be starting the Estrace (estrogen) and Endometrin (progesterone) that I'll take for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. My clinic also prescribes Naproxen for the day of transfer, it's actually not a pregnancy safe drug but it prevents uterine contractions that can push the embryo out of the uterus. Since I'll only be taking it that day, before our little embie has implanted, it shouldn't have any effect on them.

Just typing this out I'm so excited and nervous I think I might throw up. By this time next week I'll have our embryo on board, crossing everything and praying to the universe and any deities out there that this little one sticks!

Ahead of schedule!

I went in for a CD 13 blood and ultrasound appointment this morning and got the extremely pleasant surprise that we're running ahead of schedule!

I usually don't ovulate until CD 17 but it looks like I'm on track for a CD 15 ovulation! As of today, I have an 18mm follicle, my estrogen is 160, my uterine lining is trilaminar and my LH is 6 which means it hasn't surged yet but is likely to do so soon. Follicles ovulate at over 20mm and grow 1-2mm per day so I'm set to go either Wednesday or Thursday.

This follie is actually so ahead of schedule that they didn't include LH in my original blood draw and had to add it in last second. The next step is another blood and ultrasound appointment tomorrow and depending on how high my LH is, we should be able to tell whether I'm ovulating Wednesday or Thursday. I'm fairly sure that surge numbers are 20+ so it still has a ways to go but when it happens, it happens quickly. I anticipate another appointment on Wednesday and maybe one on Thursday as well to confirm ovulation has taken place.

Clearly, my body is just as ready as I am to get this frostie home. This is shaping up to be an ideal cycle for transfer, we just need this baby to stick!

Mama Cloth Stash

I posted about mama cloth previously but now that I've had a chance to use it, I figured it was time for a stash and usage update! Thus far, I've tried 8 different brands and will probably go ahead and order from one more, Cozy Folk. 

For my last period, I used nothing but cloth. The two light days from Cozy Cloth and the two blue and grey Bubu Bibi pads just arrived in the past few days so I didn't have them during my period, but I was surprised to discover that even though it looked like I had a lot, I was a few pads short of a full cycle. It wasn't a big deal to wash them in the middle but if I want to get through a whole period without washing, I'll need a few more now that I've figured out what I like best in a cloth pad.

After using disposables my whole life, I've found that my preferences in cloth are pretty much the same. I want a long, really thin pad, with wings. I think my favorite size is 12", the same as an Always Infinity long, not because I need it to absorb that much fluid, but because I move around a lot and find myself needing different parts of the pad while I'm doing different things. A 12" pad pretty much covers everything, no matter what I'm doing, and it's basically impossible to leak. I don't have a strong preference on flared vs straight, but I do think flared gives you more protection, especially in the front when you're sitting down. 

All folded up :)

For thickness, my two absolute favorites are Yurtcraft and Party in my Pants. I custom ordered my Yurtcraft pads backed in PowerShieldPro, which makes them ultra thin and totally water proof, and all Party in my Pants pads are crazy thin and backed with nylon which also makes them water proof. These guys are no thicker than an ultra thin disposable, are way more comfortable, and stood up to my heaviest days with no leaks. I bought two 10.5" and two 12.5" from Yurtcraft and two 12.25" from Party in my pants.  ErinSewSweet also deserves an honorable mention here, although her 12" pad with a cotton top, layer of PUL, double Bamboo core and fleece backing was a hair thicker than Yurtcraft (with PowerShieldPro) and Party in my Pants, it was still super thin, really comfortable and didn't leak. This pad was also a trimmer fit for narrower panties which some people might prefer and I liked it just as much as the other two brands.

For overnight, I absolutely love my Earth Mama Goods 14" pads. These guys are a tiny bit thicker, more like a thin maxi than an ultrathin, but not too thick to wear during the day with leggings if you were having a really heavy day. These guys are super soft and feel cozy when you wear them, they're perfect for overnight when you might be bleeding up the back. She has a ton of other sizes and absorbances, but I ordered these in the beginning when I kept thinking I'd need a huuuuge pad to contain a pretty light period.  I also really liked my BubuBibis for night time, although they work just as well as a day pad. These guys win the award for budget friendliness, they're $15 for 4 pads with free shipping and with a thick bamboo core, these guys can absorb a ton. They feel more like a cushy maxi pad when you have them on, a bit thicker than I usually wear, but not too thick to wear during the day. They have a sort of silky polyester fabric for the wings and although you can't customize them, they come in several different colors and patterns and two different absorbances.

For liners I've got three Party in my Pants 10" and my two freebies, a 6" Luna Pad and 8" Glad Rag. The Party in my Pants liners, like their regular pads, are backed in nylon but these have no core so they're designed for spotting or medication. The Luna Pad and Glad Rag are both layered cotton flannel so they're not water proof but are super comfy and didn't leak with regular spotting. I haven't had a chance to use the two 8" Cozy cloth Pads that arrived but they're definitely pads, not liners, even though they're for light days.  These guys are flannel topped with two layers of flannel and a layer of PUL in the core with a fleece backing. They feel a little bit cushy and I imagine their heavier absorbancy pads would be a lot like Earth Mama Goods.  I'll probably use these at the beginning or end of a period, or hopefully, with my medication while I'm pregnant :)

For usage, cloth pads were no more difficult than a disposable to use and were a hell of a lot more comfortable. You lay them in your undies, snap the wings around the crotch and you're good to go. For washing, I decided to skip the bucket that most people use (for now, I reserve the right to change my mind lol) and I use a wet bag for storage. If I'm out an about, I fold the pad in half, snap the wings together to keep it closed, and stick it in my tiny waterproof wet bag in my purse. There's no odor, no dripping, the cores absorb any liquid while you're wearing them and holds onto it until I can rinse them out later. 

If I'm home, I take it right to the sink and rinse it out until the water runs clear. If it looks like it might stain, I throw a little oxy clean on it and depending on how I'm feeling, will leave it in the sink for about 10-15 min and hand wash or just fold it up and stick it straight in my big wet bag. I'm probably going to get one of the natural stain sticks to replace or use with the oxy clean, just because I think it will apply and stay in place better. At this point, all the pads I've washed in the sink have been clean, without stains or signs of wear, but I wash them in the machine anyway, even if it's only to remove the oxy clean. Once my period is over, or I'm out of pads, I chuck them in the wash with our towels and wash them on cold. Although they're perfectly safe to put in the dryer on low, I air dry mine since I'm drying my nylon anyway and I think it will help them last longer.

The next big test for my cloth stash will be Endometrin. Our transfer is getting closer and closer and since it IS going to work, I'm going to be on Endometrin for about 12 weeks. That's 12 solid weeks of wearing panty liners to keep gunk off my panties and I'm not sure how the medication is going to affect the fabric. Several of the sellers have offered me really good tips, from dish soap, gentle, grease cutting hand soap to minky topped liners which are harder to stain so I'll probably get a little of everything right before we transfer. This embryo is going to be sticking around for 40 weeks and I need to be prepared for them!

A Picture of Paradise

After all kinds of crazy stress and planning, E and I finally made it to Cancun for our anniversary. Although we arrived super early, we somehow almost missed our flight out >< We checked our bag, went through security, got our boarding passes and sat down at a recessed table about 10 feet from our gate to eat some breakfast. About 30 min before our plane was scheduled to leave we figured boarding would be open so we wandered back over to our gate only to find out that they had finished boarding and were looking for our bags to take off the plane! I seriously couldn't believe it, they had never made any boarding announcements (Flight blah blah blah boarding now, final boarding call for flight blah blah blah) and they almost left us behind 30 minutes early. Ugh. Luckily we were the last ones on and the flight was smooth sailing after that.

We ended up staying at Beach Palace, one of the smaller and more intimate palace resorts. We got a corner room and the view was to die for, it just wouldn't quit. We had the lagoon for the majority of our view, which made for killer sunsets, and the clear blue tropical ocean when we turned the corner. It was breathtaking.

 The view from our private balcony <3 p="">

Seriously in love with this balcony

The plan for this trip was relaxation. We basically ate, drank, and basked on the beach for a week, punctuating the sleep days with a long couples massage, a romantic beach front dinner and a snorkeling trip that I could have lasted forever as far as I was concerned. After a ride on a trick speed boat doing spins and swirls, we rode jet skis across the lagoon, through the channel and out into the open ocean to the coral reef. Cancun has the second largest reef in the world after Australia and it did not disappoint. It's no secret that I love fish but seeing them in their natural environment took it to a whole other level. They schooled with me, danced through anemones and poked out of little caves. I could have stayed there all day and we've already decided we need to go back. The jet ski ride back was almost equally incredible, it began to rain a warm tropical sprinkle with cracks of distant lightening splitting the clouds and we watched the show all the way back to the dock.

Cancun sunset over the lagoon. If it can't set over the ocean, at least it sets over a body of water.  

The resort itself was also fabulous. The staff were friendly and extremely attentive. You couldn't sit for more than a few minutes before a waiter would pop up to offer you food and drink. The packages at Palace Resorts are all inclusive and the food and drink did not disappoint. You couldn't go 10 feet without finding something delicious, from the official restaurants to the tiny desert hut that made fresh crepes and the beach and pool side staff who would bring us margaritas and tacos. There was even a fabulous chef who worked at their rooftop bar making the most delicious grilled Thai skewers.

Sunburns' r 'us on the fabulous beach

They also had fantastic 24 hour room service that had breakfast waiting for us each morning when we woke up. They brought mimosas for our anniversary and we finished off the evening with a "Romantic Dinner", a private table for two down on the sand. I'd normally have more photos to post but E and I made the decision at the beginning to keep most of our trip tech free. We left computers at home and phones in our hotel room so we could truly focus on relaxing, healing and soaking up the sun. It was just what I needed to recover after being sick for so long and I hope it refreshed my body enough to welcome the little embryo we'll be transferring soon. I can't wait to go back to Cancun with our little one in a couple years and watch them play in that clear turquoise water. 

Happy Anniversary Mimosas with my lovey

FET Take Two

I know I'm super behind on posting about Cancun and my new mama cloth, but I'm going to skip ahead a little bit because we had our first ultrasound for our next FET! This time, Dr. D has decided that we're going for a natural transfer instead of a medicated transfer like we attempted the first time.

If you recall, a medicated cycle is more controlled and schedule-able. First, you take birth control to suppress your ovaries for two weeks. Towards the end of the two weeks, you add in Lupron and after a small overlap, stop the BCPs, continue the Lupron and add in Estrogen pills. This starts to build your uterine lining up after the BCPs quieted it down, and you continue the Lupron for a little while to ensure you don't ovulate too early. When the lining looks perfect with a nice triple layer pattern, you trigger ovulation with an HCG injection and 5-6 days later you transfer your embryo back home.

In a natural cycle, you skip the whole first half. I'm not suppressing with birth control, no Lupron obviously since it made me so sick, and we're going to rely on my body to make it's own estrogen the same way it does every month. They'll monitor me sporadically to track my rising hormone levels and check in on my lining to see how it's doing on CD 3 (yesterday) and CD 10. As I get closer to ovulation and my lining starts to thicken, they'll monitoring things more closely and if necessary, will have me trigger ovulation with an HCG injection. 5-6 days later our embryo comes home and we support it with progesterone and estrogen since IVF/frozen embryos can sometimes require a little extra help.

Little embryo heading home

While I'm so excited to finally have the chance to get pregnant, I'm also slightly terrified that my body won't be able to do what it's supposed to to prep for and support this embryo. This isn't IUI where we shoot some swimmers up there and cross our fingers. When we do this transfer I will be pregnant, we're putting a real live, tiny, perfect, chromosomally normal cellular human into my uterus and asking it to implant and stick around. We're risking one of the two embryos I've worked so hard to get and the thought of losing this potential tiny human is devastating. While we haven't found anything wrong with my uterus and I do ovulate on my own, it still seems like a lot of pressure for my body to ask it to do this all by itself. Then again, human beings get pregnant every day without help so obviously there are bodies doing the same thing that mine is doing all over the world right now. I just have to trust that it knows what to do.

This little embryo will be our baby. It's going to successfully implant and be born and grow up to be a tiny human being full of potential. I just have to do everything I can to help it get there.

(Mama) Cloth Pads

In an incredible moment if irony, I decided the month before (hopefully) getting pregnant, while frantically packing for Cancun, that I want to officially make the switch to cloth menstrual pads. I usually use disposables but since I'm allergic to latex, I've had problems on and off with latex and chemicals in the adhesive. If they're not completely stuck down or if they shift while I'm wearing them and the adhesive touches my skin, I'm guaranteed a miserable set of hivey welts. It's awful and after last month with more welts, I'm done.  I'm hoping that with the laws of the universe, buying all of these cloth pads will mean I won't need them for quite some time...though when this little embryo sticks, I'll probably be on Endometrin for at least 12 weeks which will mean 12 straight weeks of wearing a panty liner. I should probably go order several more since I'll be using those most. 

Current Cloth Stash! I have others in the mail :)

From my cursory research, it looks like most manufacturers make cloth pads out of cotton flannel, minky, bamboo velor, cotton and bamboo terry, fleece, organic/un-dyed cotton or bamboo, zorb and PUL, a waterproof polyurethane laminate used in cloth diapers, bibs etc. They stay in place with cloth wings that connect with a snap, sometimes color coded for light, moderate and heavy. You can get everything from little 6" panty liners to thong pads to 16"+ heavy pads for overnight or postpartum use. You can even get them wingless but I'm not clear on how they stay in place. Most are an all in one construction but some brands have removable inserts that are usually held in place with two elastic straps. If you want something special, there's someone out there who can custom make it.

From left to right: 14" Earthy Mama Goods overnight pad, 9" Party in my Pants liner, 

8" Glad Rags Liner and 6" Luna Pads Liner

For me, living in a crazy hot climate, I figured cotton flannel was a better topper option than minky and I ordered most of my pads in that variety. I didn't want anything warm, nothing that might hold in the heat while I'm roasting my tush off in this 96 degree weather.  I ordered a variety from several different sellers to start and I haven't had a chance to use them yet, so I'm not sure whether my preference will be for the pads backed with fabric or fleece or those backed with PUL or Nylon etc. PUL is lightweight and waterproof so a lot of people really like it but I think that a fabric without laminate will breathe better. Thus far the PUL pads seem to be really nice and thin while the fleece ones are a little cushier.

                            All stacked up!                              Earthy Mama Goods Pads, they're technically overnight pads
                                                                                        but they're not too bulky to wear during the day as a heavy pad.

For something that no one really talks about, there are a remarkable amount of crafty ladies selling cloth pads on Etsy and their own personal websites . There are also several more commercial manufacturers, three of whom offer free pantyliners (just pay shipping) that I took advantage of: Luna Pads, Glad Rags and Party In My Pants. I think they all come out to be about $5 per pad which is a pretty good price for a liner that will last several years. I also ordered several pads from Etsy sellers EarthyMamaGoods, ErinSewSweet,  Yurt Craft, and Cozy Cloth in various lengths and absorbances and a 4 pack from the company BubuBibi.

                     My three overnight pads from Earthy Mama Goods              ErinSewSweet pad, in the mail!

The first thing you'll probably notice about these pads is that they are friggin' adorable. They come in every color, pattern and print you can imagine and they make me smile every time I see them in my drawer. I've read that they don't stain as long as you give them a soak or use a stain stick, but you could always get black or dark pads if you were worried. I'm pretty good at getting stains out of clothing as it is and I have a particular fondness for owls and foxes so I'm building up a few different varieties and brands in those prints regardless of color. And like a cloth diaper, I could probably stick the pad in the sun if I end up with stubborn stains. The second and more important point is that they are SO much more comfortable than disposable pads. They feel just like your undies against your skin, with a little cush, and while the pads with a PUL liner or backing are slightly more noticeable, they're still a million times more comfortable than disposables. I tried on each pad variety as they came in and was immediately kicking myself for not switching sooner. They feel so, so much better than that chemical filled plastic and here I've been getting hives and rashes for years.

BubuBibi pads, also in the mail. I got the blue and green set :)

As for use and care, from what I've read, there's no "wrong way" to do cloth. People handle washing a million different ways and they all work. I haven't had a chance to use mine since they started arriving after my period ended but I plan to rinse them well, maybe spot them or briefly soak with some oxy clean if needed, ring them out, fold them up and pop them in my shiny new wet bag. Then you just toss them, wet bag and all into the laundry and wash them like you would anything else. Some people do something with a bucket of soapy water that they change every day instead but that sounds a little too germy for me. Other people skip the rinsing entirely and just toss them straight in the wash which also works. You can wash them with your regular laundry, maybe in with the towels, or do them separately. If you're cloth diapering a baby, toss them in with the dipes. I'd probably wash on cold but some use warm, and I'll definitely dry on low, especially if the pads have PUL. If you want to air dry, I'd toss them in the dryer for a few minutes after so they soften up and aren't crunchy like any other air dried clothing item. If you're out and about, pop a clean pad and wetbag in your purse so you can just fold up the used one and store it till you get home.

My snazzy new wet bag with a little strap to hang it, from SnugglesofLove. I also tossed around using a mesh laundry bag but I think I'm going to skip it since the pads got sort of tangled up in there during my trial wash

My period isn't actually due until after we get back from Cancun, but I'm super excited to give these adorable pads a try. As soon as the other brands come in, I'll take an updated stash photo and let you know which I like best!

Cancun?!?!

After dealing with months and months of sickness and feeling awful, E and I found ourselves with an entire week off over our anniversary. This rarely happens, E almost never has a solid week off (unless it's Grammy time) and when he does have days off, they never seem to coincide with our big events. It seemed like the stars were aligning and telling us it was time for a vacation.

Our first thought was Hawaii. We stayed in a gorgeous house on Kauai last time we were there and would have loved to go back. Unfortunately, that property was booked solid and our back up connection for a good hotel didn't pan out. With no good hotel options, and crazy expensive food and airfare, Hawaii was out.

Until we meet again, Kauai...

With Hawaii off the table, I began looking into other tropical destinations, specifically those with all inclusive vacation packages. This was right up E's alley and it took about 5 seconds for him to fall in love with the idea of an all inclusive resort - all the food you can eat, all the alcohol you can drink, what's not to love? However, it was now less than 3 weeks till we'd be leaving and the top 20 all inclusive resorts in Jamaica and the Caribbean were booked. For such an expensive trip, I really wanted to make sure we stayed at a fabulous resort and there were just no 8, 9 or 10/10 vacancies left for less than serious cash.

Aside from booking a smaller getaway like Santa Barbara or Morro Bay, our last option for a tropical getaway was a family friend's resort time share in Cancun. These friends had offered up their timeshare a long while ago and although we'd never taken them up on it, there was the offer, still standing. There was some rapid back and forthing about how cool it would be if we could go, and before I was quite mentally ready for it, we were booked for a 5 day vacation in Cancun.

My usual vacations take several months, hours of research and a great deal of thought to plan. I need prices on every possible flight mapped out over several price fluctuations. Trends and seasonal pricing information for all the housing options in our top three locations. This trip took two conversations and the better part of an hour. It went from an idea to kick around to a charge on our credit card in less than 48 hours. I'm actually so discombobulated by the whole thing that I've had a tough time wrapping my head around it.

Since everything was so last minute, we've had to book, cancel when there were problems with the extras, and rebook under a different affiliation number (who knew there was more than one??) and book the last two plane tickets available after they went up $300 overnight. The flights are so full that they won't let me select our seats on the way there and on the way back, we're in the last row. It's making me crazy.

But, then there's this:

(Source)

And this:

(Source)

And this:

(Source)

It also comes with resort credit good for the spa, snorkeling, turtle and stingray encounters and all sorts of other things. Private, romantic, candle lit dinners on the beach. An in room liquor dispenser, a swim up bar, delicious restaurants of all types, 24 hour room service. It promises, without a doubt, to be an absolutely incredible and much needed vacation.

Now, all I have to do is cram several months of planning and prepping into just a few days. I need swimsuits, sandals, beachy clothing! E has decided he hates all his shorts and where on earth am I going to find swimsuits in my size this last minute? I need to decide which excursions and spa treatments we want so I can book them now. There's so much to do that I'm going to need a vacation from my vacation planning.

Embryo Selection

Since our FET is officially back on, we've reached the point where Dr. D has asked us to start thinking about which embryo we'd like to transfer! While this isn't an option in every country, many specifically forbid this due to gender selection, we do have the opportunity to personally select our embryos in the US. When PGD couples do elect to hand pick their embies, they usually do so based on carrier/disease status, doctor's recommendation, embryo grade (quality) and gender. However, in our case, these four qualifiers don't really apply.

For starters, we only have two embryos and both are "healthy". None of my embryos were carriers, they were either affected or not, so these two are both Fragile X free and chromosomally normal. Although grading tends to be less important once embryos have made it to day 5, both our embryos are considered the same grade and quality so there's no advantage to one over the other.  Because of this, Dr. D has no option or recommendation as he thinks they're both good, healthy babies to be. As for gender, E and I are keeping that a bit of a surprise but we have no children and we'd like at least one of each anyway.  Boy or girl, double of either, we'd be equally thrilled.

Since we don't have a clear reason or method for choosing Embryo A over Embryo B or vice versa, it's left me open to start over thinking things like birth order and its effects on personality and development. What if I don't select the embryo that would have done better being born first? What if the genders are different? Would it be better for a girl to have an older brother or a boy to have an older sister? Sometimes boys with older female siblings tend to be more calm but I loved having a "cool" older brother and I think it made me a stronger girl. What if the genders are the same like my sister and I, who would I have been if my younger sister had been born first?  What if the embryo we pick doesn't stick, or what if they one we pick does stick but the second one doesn't and by then I have no eggs left? It's a slippery slope and neither E or I really know how to go about making the decision.

This leaves us with just a few options:

• We could go with embryologist's choice and ask them to select an embryo randomly on the day of. This is probably as random a choice as we can make since we have no part in the decision. 
• We could pull names out of a hat. Make little Embryo A and Embryo B cards and see which one comes out. 
• We could read over the embryo reports and gender and look for anything that might indicate one embryo over the other to be transferred first

When we geared up for our first FET attempt, we made a soft decision to go with the embryo labeled  Embryo A. While we were both okay with that, so much has happened since then that we've started to doubt our decision, especially since we didn't have a good reason for making it. Now, we've got about a month to decide and the clock is ticking. A or B? How do we decide who gets a chance to come home first?