Embryo Selection

Since our FET is officially back on, we've reached the point where Dr. D has asked us to start thinking about which embryo we'd like to transfer! While this isn't an option in every country, many specifically forbid this due to gender selection, we do have the opportunity to personally select our embryos in the US. When PGD couples do elect to hand pick their embies, they usually do so based on carrier/disease status, doctor's recommendation, embryo grade (quality) and gender. However, in our case, these four qualifiers don't really apply.

For starters, we only have two embryos and both are "healthy". None of my embryos were carriers, they were either affected or not, so these two are both Fragile X free and chromosomally normal. Although grading tends to be less important once embryos have made it to day 5, both our embryos are considered the same grade and quality so there's no advantage to one over the other.  Because of this, Dr. D has no option or recommendation as he thinks they're both good, healthy babies to be. As for gender, E and I are keeping that a bit of a surprise but we have no children and we'd like at least one of each anyway.  Boy or girl, double of either, we'd be equally thrilled.

Since we don't have a clear reason or method for choosing Embryo A over Embryo B or vice versa, it's left me open to start over thinking things like birth order and its effects on personality and development. What if I don't select the embryo that would have done better being born first? What if the genders are different? Would it be better for a girl to have an older brother or a boy to have an older sister? Sometimes boys with older female siblings tend to be more calm but I loved having a "cool" older brother and I think it made me a stronger girl. What if the genders are the same like my sister and I, who would I have been if my younger sister had been born first?  What if the embryo we pick doesn't stick, or what if they one we pick does stick but the second one doesn't and by then I have no eggs left? It's a slippery slope and neither E or I really know how to go about making the decision.

This leaves us with just a few options:

• We could go with embryologist's choice and ask them to select an embryo randomly on the day of. This is probably as random a choice as we can make since we have no part in the decision. 
• We could pull names out of a hat. Make little Embryo A and Embryo B cards and see which one comes out. 
• We could read over the embryo reports and gender and look for anything that might indicate one embryo over the other to be transferred first

When we geared up for our first FET attempt, we made a soft decision to go with the embryo labeled  Embryo A. While we were both okay with that, so much has happened since then that we've started to doubt our decision, especially since we didn't have a good reason for making it. Now, we've got about a month to decide and the clock is ticking. A or B? How do we decide who gets a chance to come home first?