Blah

Today was much more of a blah day then yesterday.

I woke up to what definitely looked like a light period, complete with miserable cramps and since E and I are dog/house sitting, I had no pads and there is apparently not one single Advil or Tylenol in the house. Today makes day 11 of this month's "period," which sucks no matter how you look at it. It started as soon as I stopped the progesterone like it should have, but then I started the birth control on CD 2. I bled through CD 4, spotted through CD 7, and then thought it was done until I stopped the birth control. I was being too optimistic since it started right back up and I've been spotting CD 14 - today, CD 17. I feel like I should be looking this up or asking other people following an IVF-ish protocol if they've experienced the same thing, but biologically it makes sense. Stupid period, why don't you go disappear for 9 months -_-

After determining that I would need to go buy some supplies, I felt rushed through this mornings shot. I was running late to meet up with our old vet to pick up our animal's charts and had tried to stick myself three times before realizing that the needle must be a dud. It acted just fine when I primed the injection, but must have been dull or slightly bent since it absolutely refused to go in. Ouch. I'm now one needle short, since I had an exact amount, and am going to have to buy more next time I'm at Kaiser.

Won't you throw my ball for me? See how cute I am in this tiny bed?

Revisiting the topic of side effects, I can't tell if I didn't get enough sleep or if the Menopur is making me crazy tired. I feel drowsy, like I can't fully wake up, and I can't seem to shake it off. I tried napping, was unsuccessful, and have felt "ugh" and "blah" all day. I would try to put it more eloquently, but I can't summon the energy required to do so. Blah it is. Poor Milou seems to be feeding off my energy,  she's been laying around looking at me all mopey and sad, even though she had her favorite class, Agility, today.  Now I just feel guilty that I'm bumming out my puppy, completing the circle of "blah".

Blah puppy. Sorry Milou

Update: I just administered my evening injection and was greeted with the unwelcome sight of little round bruises :( I was really lucky with my first cycle and managed to not get a single bruise on my belly. This time I have one on each side to go with the little red pin marks from the blunt needle and my previous injections. I really hope they don't linger, the designated injection area is so small that I'm going to have to inject on top of bruises if they don't fade quickly.   

Stanley Cup Champions!

I don't often post about sports but there's no way I could let today pass without saying something. For the second time in 3 years, the Los Angeles Kings have won the Stanley Cup! Congratulations boys, you did it! The Cup is coming back home!

Stanley Cup Champions!!

During the regular season, E works all of the Los Angeles Kings hockey games. He was there when they won The Cup in 2012 and got to celebrate with the team afterwards in what was an unbelievably memorable night. We've got pictures of him with The Cup and they're definitely some of my favorite "work" shots.

Unfortunately, this year was a little bit different. E worked all the regular season games, but since the post season games aren't crewed until we know they're happening, he was already booked by other teams by the time the post season came around. He was only able to work a couple of the Kings post season games, and was working the LA Dodger game when the Kings won The Cup tonight.  He'll have to wait until next season to celebrate with our boys in black but that doesn't make the victory any less sweet. I'm pretty sure we'll be at their celebration parade on Monday, if my E2 ultrasound finishes in time.

Aside from the Kings killer victory, today was my second day of double injections and they seem to be going well. Still no weird side effects to speak of, and my skin isn't too irritated yet. Covered in little pin marks yes, but no bruising or redness. My only complaint is that it's a little crazy to go through this many vials of Menopur a day. I feel a bit like a walking pharmacy (Hey, wanna score a vial? I've got 8!) and although this cycle IS GOING TO WORK, positive thoughts!, if we have to do this again I'd definitely like to try Letrozole and Gonal F or Follistim. 

I also got to enjoy some double relaxation in the form of acupuncture AND a massage. My acupuncture appointment was first and went off like usual, a weekly nap. Needles go in, I go out. I think I'm actually starting to get drowsy on the way to acupuncture, like I'm anticipating the coming nap. Instead of fighting traffic and heading home afterwards, I met up with my mother-in-law to do a little work and we ended up going for massages and dinner. She goes to the best Thai massage place I've ever been to and I had the pleasure of the strongest masseuse working on me today. It was incredibly painful to have her repeatedly digging her elbow into my shoulder blade, so much so that she had to brace me on the table at one point because I was arching off, but I know I'll feel so, so much better tomorrow.  It felt almost like a battle of wills, can I take the pain or should I ask her to lighten up? Is she pressing harder because I'm not asking her to lighten up? Is this a test?

I survived my massage, just barely, and we capped off the evening with some delicious Italian food. I was well behaved and got my entree with whole wheat pasta, but I was sorely tempted by the deliciousness on the menu. I wonder if that's a symptom of the Menopur, the desire to hoover all food within reach? Soon, Italian goodies, once I'm pregnant I will eat you all.

IUI Take Two, The (Second) First Injection

This mornings injection, the first one of our second cycle, went pretty well. Mixing everything up was second nature at this point, and it was nice to only have to mix 4 vials at once. E is off work today, his first off day in forever, so he was able to keep me company while I did it. It was a really wonderful change.

The injection itself wasn't too bad, but I did feel a little out of practice. I felt that edgy sense of panic rise up for a second right before I stuck the needle in, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. I need to try and remember how I sat last time for the most comfortable injection, the needle was a little uncomfortable in my skin and I couldn't tell if I was sitting wrong or just needed to desensitize myself a bit. It burned going in as usual, but like before it's nothing unbearable if I go slowly. I'll probably try a different position for my injection tonight to see if it helps.

4 Days of Menopur, so many vials!

To try and limit skin irritation, I'm going to trade off sides in the morning and evenings. This morning I injected on the right side, so I'll do tonight's injection on the left. Last cycle I did one side per day to give the skin time to heal, but that won't be possible with two injections daily instead of one.

I'm also unnecessarily concerned that I'll forget to do one of the injections. Last cycle I was so strict and focused it felt like tunnel vision. I'm trying to be more relaxed about this one. I'm "cheating" on the acupuncture diet, although I'm still faithfully taking my supplements and drinking my tea, and I'm trying not to stress about things. Tomorrow I have acupuncture and I go in for my E2 ultrasound and labs on Monday morning.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

When I went in for my baseline ultrasound, a friendly nurse I haven't really worked with pulled me aside and informed me that I had neglected to fill out a necessary form. Apparently I had been listed as "single" in the computer instead of "married" and since I have a partner, they needed both our signatures for consent with the fertility treatments.

She started going through the forms, looking for the correct ones, and asked me to confirm that I have a partner or spouse.  I automatically said "Yes, I'm married" without thinking too much about it. The nurse paused for a moment, looked at me, and then asked "Is your spouse male or female?" I have to say, I was so impressed and proud in that moment that I almost hugged the nurse. I know it's probably a standard question, especially when a donor is involved, but it's amazing how far we've come and I have such high hopes for the future. I made a point of thanking her, told her how much I appreciated it, and collected the forms E and I will have to sign.

Yes

In the wake of the Wisconsin same-sex marriage ban falling to the wayside like so many of it's unjust fellows, I have so much hope that my children will get to grow up in a world where people aren't discriminated against based on gender or sexual orientation. It's so close I can almost see it coming over the horizon.

Birth Control Done!

Finally my round of birth control is done! I noticed a bit of cramping each day while on the pills, and as soon as I stopped them I started spotting. I was expecting it, I started on CD 2 just as my period was beginning, so I wasn't too surprised and I'm considering this the new starting line. Tomorrow is my 3rd day off birth control so I start my twice daily Menopur injections on Thursday. Menopur here I come!

These first 5 days of injections will determine how many eggs are recruited. We only have one shot at recruitment so these days will be the deciding factor on whether we do IUI or IVF. If we get lots and lots of eggs, we'll sign the USC Clinic paperwork with ninja speed, complete the cycle with them, and harvest those bad boys. I don't think we'd get more than 6, since they only saw about 6 antral follicles, but I would be ecstatic if we could get 6 embryos. Unfortunately, I think that's a little overly optimistic. Still, positive thoughts!

If we do harvest eggs, the next step would be PGD. This is where things get a bit complicated. There aren't many genetics labs that work with anonymous donor couples because we have no access to lab work. I found one lab, RGI, based on recommendations from other couples in a similar situation, and they said they could build us a probe with genetic profiles and blood from me, my sister and my mother, and two IUI samples from our donor. It would be tricky but it's not impossible, and I expect the biggest issue would come from Kaiser. My RE personally confirmed that Kaiser would cover PGD for me and E, but I'm sure there will probably be some sort of extra charge for semen instead of blood. I can't imagine Kaiser would cover that. This also means we wouldn't be able to change our donor, we're pretty committed to the one we've chosen, but I like the idea of being able to change our minds if we need to. What if his chemistry doesn't mesh with mine? What if we have no luck with this one? What if a better come becomes available?

If throwing the max dose of Menopur at my ovaries doesn't yield more than 3 mature follies, it's back to IUI for us. Last cycle we stimmed for 9 days, but since we're suppressing my ovaries first, we're anticipating needing to stim for 11 days before I can trigger and we can do the IUI. Either way, this will be our month!

Happy Birthday Deano

Happy Birthday Deano!

Deano's awesome mama, my friend M, made him a killer smash cake for his first birthday. Blue velvet cake filled with yogurt and raspberries and covered in chocolate icing. Deano thought that chocolate icing was the best thing ever and he looked absolutely delicious wearing that cake lol. 

I'm so glad I got the opportunity to celebrate with everyone, between work and all the fertility stuff we haven't had much time to catch up. I hope E and I can get off this infertility mary-go-round soon so we can get back to smash cakes, water balloons and good friends. 

Busy Boy

Yesterdays acupuncture appointment went very well, as usual. S complimented me on my "positive spirit" and after about 5-10 minutes relaxation, I dropped off into a deep sleep. This time I slept so hard I didn't wake up until S had opened the door and walked in. It felt like I had only closed my eyes for a second but somehow an hour had passed. I got a new herbal formula to try out as well, it's less bitter than my batch which is a nice change. It almost feels like I'm paying for a weekly nap, but I'm up for anything that helps.

As planed, I dropped E off at the airport early this morning. He got home super late last night, near 1am, and I have no idea how he's going to get through the weekend :(

Let's go E!

He has to land, pick up his rental car, drive to the track meet, work the track meet which should go till 9 or 10pm, check into his hotel, build graphics and prepare for the game on Sunday, sleep at some point, check out of the hotel, drop off the rental car, hop on a plane, get picked up, get his car, and go straight to the next game, arriving about 4 hours after his call time. It's gonna be a busy weekend for him and I'm already looking forward to picking him up tomorrow. 

I have a much simpler weekend planned, with a lot less running around. Milou has her Agility class today, I'll probably work and run some errands, but on the whole will be able to chill out a bit.

Tomorrow I get to pick up E bright and early, and it's also my last day of birth control, yay! I get three days off while the hormones leave my system and then it's on to the big guns. I don't expect two injections a day to be very much fun, but the prospect of recruiting lots of eggs is a really exciting one. The more targets we have, the better chance we have of getting pregnant with a healthy baby.

Sunday is also a big day for my bestie M and her insanely adorable son Dean. Deano, who is quite possibly the cutest baby on two legs, turns 1 today and we'll be celebrating his birthday tomorrow :) Like his big sister, Deano practically radiates sunshine and exudes happiness out of his pores. He's an absolute joy to be around and I can only hope that E and I have kiddos have as awesome.  

Counterintuitive

Today is 8 day of birth control, which means I have just two more days to go! It's been very dejavu taking it, I was on birth control for almost 10 years and the little cardboard pack definitely throws me back. The last time I took it I was in Europe in 2010 and E was proposing to me in Paris on my birthday. Before we left for the trip, I ran around like a nut trying to refill my prescription and get a hard copy of it,  I was so unnecessarily paranoid that airport security would toss my pills if I didn't bring the prescription with me. Because obviously they've never seen birth control before and I was really using it to smuggle drugs. In hindsight, we didn't actually need it, E and I will never have to use birth control again. He's still teasing me now about the birth control, "aren't we trying to GET pregnant?" but he understands the process, even if it feels counterintuitive.

We meet again BCP

For this cycle I had to shell out $50 for a three month supply, the 10 pills I need and a whole lot of pills I don't. I shouldn't be complaining about $50 though, since I picked up just a small portion of the Menopur I'll need, 20 vials, and that ran me $1200. It looks like I'll need about 88 vials this cycle, 8 a day for 11 days, which is about $4800. Now that makes $50 seem pretty inconsequential.

Over the past few days, E and I have been trying to spend as much time together as possible. He has a really busy period coming up at work that will coincide with all my injections and monitoring and I'm afraid we won't be seeing as much of each other as we'd like. On Monday, we drove down to North End Bar and Grill, the Los Angeles Kings bar in Hermosa Beach, and watched the Kings eliminate the Blackhawks in game 7. It was so much fun, the bar exploded every time something happened and it was almost as good as actually being at the game. E will be working for all the upcoming games (where they'll win the cup!!) so I'm glad we got to enjoy this one together.

Go Kings!

On Tuesday, E had a late call so we decided to take advantage of some AMC Gift Cards and went to see a matinee of X Men. I can't remember the last time we went to a movie, I never want to shell out the $18-$21 per ticket, and we don't take enough advantage of the $8 weekday matinees. It was a pretty good movie, completely reset the franchise, and we were able to squeeze in some lunch too before he had to go to work.

Wednesday E was gone all day, but yesterday he reversed his usual schedule and was home in the afternoon. He spent the morning building graphics for an upcoming track and field event and was able to finish up by noon. We celebrated with some In-n-out, definitely not on my acupuncture diet, a Netflix copy of The Hunger Games 2, and then had a surprisingly fun water balloon fight. I haven't played with water balloons since I was maybe 12 in summer camp, but when I saw them on sale at the store the other day I just couldn't resist. We stripped out of our jeans, filled up a big bowl each and had a fabulous time smashing the balloons on each other. Some of them were pretty tough, I thew a couple that literally bounced off E, fell to the floor and didn't break, even though I tried to fill them as much as possible to weaken the structure. Milou thought the whole thing was hilarious, although the hose we used to fill them was definitely her favorite part.

Oh yes we did

We capped off the evening with some delicious Bigg Chill frozen yogurt, also not on my diet, and watched a couple episodes of House of Cards. I'm really glad we were able to spend so much time together, E had already left for work when I woke up this morning and on Saturday morning I have to put him on a plane to go work that Track and Field event. I'll pick him up on Sunday morning with just enough time to say "Hello" before he turns around and leaves for the next event. He's actually supposed to be there at 6:30am but since his plane doesn't land until 10, he's going to be a bit late.  Then he's working 16 out of the next 18 days, I'll be starting up my injections again, and will be back to living at the doctor for monitoring ultrasounds. 

I'm off now to my acupuncture appointment, where I hopefully won't pay for my diet indiscretions too harshly. Between the frozen yogurt and the In-N-Out cheese, I fear for my phlegm points!