15.5 weeks - So busy!

Oh man, it's been such a busy couple of weeks! It's still early stages, but E and I have officially thrown our hat in the game to buy our first house. As exciting as it is, it's also kind of terrifying. SoCal has an incredibly competitive and expensive housing market and trying to break into that is not easy, especially at a price point where we're comfortable.

For starters, our current neighborhood is totally out. The properties here are all well over a million, as are in they in pretty much every other neighborhood we'd like to live in. To find a place in a "normal" price range,  you know, half a million (can you feel my sarcasm from there?) we're having to stretch both our budget and our location comfort zone. A good school district is pretty much out of reach as well, so we're looking at a charter, private school or moving in 5 years.

We've been trying to avoid falling into the usual pitfalls of first time home buyers. The market here is so competitive that most people need to offer on 5-10 properties before they get accepted. We told ourselves this over and over but of course, we ended up getting caught in the most obvious, giant, glaring pot hole. We fell in love with a house. It was gorgeous, the neighborhood would work for us, and we wanted it, bad. 3 beds, 2 baths, hardwood floors, a gorgeous, spacious kitchen and a huge yard I could picture our baby and dog playing in. Since this is SoCal, it already had two over asking price offers on the table, so we put in an offer 5k higher with super appealing closing terms. Then we began dreaming about where furniture would go, made an appointment to bring our dog to walk the neighborhood and show our parents and.....

We didn't get it. 

Of course we didn't get it. 

In this case, there's nothing we could have done to get it. The owner was a real estate company who was acting as their own listing agent and who we're pretty sure was representing their own buyer. Super, super sketchy. They let over asking price offers pile up, told their preferred buyer what to offer over, and then accepted. We didn't stand a chance and predictably, I am heartbroken. 

We're now back at square one and none of the other houses seem to measure up. There are so few in our price range to begin with that finding something to look at is difficult enough, let alone finding something you actually want to offer on. Luckily, we're not in a huge rush to buy and we still have 5 months before we need to start moving if we want to get settled before baby comes. Although there doesn't seem to be anything special out there now, I'm hoping that our new home will be among the properties that hit the market over the next 5 months.

12w4d - NT Scan

Today was our NT scan and I don't think I've ever enjoyed an ultrasound more. Little bean was much less bean and much more tiny, wiggly, stubborn person, I couldn't stop smiling and laughing watching them. I was holding my breath when the tech first put the wand on my belly but before I could ask if baby was okay and had a heartbeat, they started waving their arms around and squirming. They wiggled left, then right, arched their back and squirmed all around. It was beautiful.

Turning on their side, wiggling their little arms

We saw them swallowing big gulps of amniotic fluid and begin to suck their thumb. We got a peak at their brain, which is developing perfectly, and when we went to check out bean's organs, we caught them practice peeing! Their little bladder was full of amniotic fluid and they just happened to empty it right then. It was incredible to see them moving and dancing so much when they're still too small for me to feel. I can't wait to feel some of the acrobatics going on in there.

Baby on their side, showing off their tush

The whole point of this ultrasound was to perform an NT scan, a nuchal translucency scan. The NT scan measures the fluid in the tissue at the back of baby's neck to look for markers of chromosomal abnormalities. Babies with chromosomal problems often accumulate a build up of fluid in their neck which results in a larger fluid space and a bigger measurement.  To get a clear reading, the tech needed baby to look up so we could get good measurements of the back of their neck. It seems simple enough but little bean clearly had other ideas. Every time the tech got close to the right shot, baby would roll over onto their side and give the tech their butt. The tech would ask me to cough, which makes baby jump, but bean would just wiggle and squirm and show off their tush again and then I'd laugh which also makes baby jump.

Profile shot the tech was looking for

Eventually we were able to get a couple shots and baby's fluid is measuring a perfectly normal 1.3mm. Amazingly, although I'm only 12w4d today, baby is in the middle of a growth spurt and measured an impressive 7.08 cm which correlates to 13w2d! Clearly they're still an over achiever. Their heartbeat was also perfectly on track, 156 bpm. I wonder if this growth spurt is why my morning sickness came back, although they were measuring perfectly on target at my last appointment which was the day I started throwing up again.

Our next peak at baby won't be until the end of July, another long stretch without getting to see our little bean. They already look like such a perfect little person now, I can't wait to see how they've grown at 16 weeks. If anything funny shows up in my blood tests, they'll call at the end of this week but since we added on PGS and know baby has normal chromosomes, I don't anticipate any problems. Baby just needs to keep doing what they're doing and grow, grow, grow.

11w5d - The Pukes Have Returned!

Oh man. I haven't had a single incidence of morning sickness for several weeks now. I thought I was in the clear, almost 12 weeks, it should be gone. But no.

Yesterday, E bought me donuts, because he is wonderful. I was rushing this morning to make it to work for a meeting and I swallowed my prenatal vitamin, grabbed an old fashioned and jumped in the car. I was about halfway there, and 95% finished with my donut when I started to get that "feeling". For a few seconds I thought it might pass but when it didn't I decided to pull over and get the ziplock out of my purse just in case. I pulled down a side street that had no parking, so I pulled into the first driveway I could find, reached for the bag in my purse that was allll the way at the bottom, and promptly vomited all over myself before I could get the bag into place.

This was me before the puke. BWHAHAHAHA

It was disgusting. The first one got my shirt, pants and the seat, and then I threw up 6 or 7 more times, thankfully into the bag. I was now halfway to work, late, covered in puke, holding a bag of puke with no paper towels in the car. Ugh. I had wanted to wait until 20 weeks to tell my boss about the baby, but we had a conference call meeting in 20 minutes, she knew I was already on my way, I very clearly needed to go home and change and this is one I couldn't explain away. I shot her a quick text explaining the news and the puke, turned around and went home for new clothes.

Thankfully, she was very pleased for us and had horrible morning sickness with her pregnancy so she had many vomit in the car stories to share. I was able to conference into my meeting from the car on drive to work attempt #2 and everything else went okay.

Late afternoon, I had some tax things to go over with our tax guy and then FINALLY, our OB appointment. I had eaten a grilled cheese for lunch, which is my morning sickness go to food, but it turned on me and I had to throw up again on the way to the OB. Double ugh. This time I was ready and did not have a disastrous mess but I'm pretty disappointed in my stomach.

However, and most importantly, our little bean is OKAY. I've been having major anxiety leading up to this appointment but there they were on the screen, little arms raised up over their face, with their tiny heart beating away. It's such a huge relief to see them alive and well despite all my fears.  They measured exactly on track, 11w5d and looked so much bigger than last time, even though the ultrasound photo kind of sucks. The OB and I talked through our screening options and agreed that we should go ahead and skip CVS since we're not comfortable with the risk. The CA screening panel we did will look at some of the PGS stuff, down syndrome etc, and if we want to later we can get the amnio.

E had to miss this appointment which really sucked, but we're having our nuchal translucency ultrasound next week and he will be able to come to that one. Maybe baby will put their arms down and let us have a peak at their face for that one.

11 Weeks - Progesterone Freak Out

Ugh. I'm having a bit of a freak out over progesterone. As I've mentioned, I had a natural FET with this baby. This means no estrogen priming, so no hyperovulaton to leave behind lots of corpus luteum cysts to produce progesterone.  Just one, naturally ovulated egg. I also skipped progesterone in oil, which is easily measured in the blood stream and greatly increases progesterone levels. For me, it's been just Endometrin suppositories which don’t show up in your labs since it's absorbed directly by the uterus.

My progesterone has been increasing pretty consistently at a "low normal level" as my pregnancy progresses, which the RE has been happy with since the transfer was natural. With PIO, they'd be looking for levels over 20 early on and a big jump when the placenta takes over. As you can see, the biggest bump I've had was 16.6 a couple hours after I'd put my progesterone in.

I am supposed to be weaning off the Endometrin since I'm 11 weeks today but my labs at 10w5d showed my progesterone was only 15.4. I would have thought that my placenta would have taken over and be producing progesterone on it’s own by now, but it’s not making the jump. The RE isn’t super concerned since this is still technically the lowest side of normal and my estrogen is increasing, but I am freaking out. There's all sorts of studies suggesting that "91% of pregnancies with progesterone lower than 15 ng/ml will end in miscarriage" (source) and "Average progesterone in pregnancies that miscarry is 14 ng/ml; in healthy pregnancy: 32 ng/ml" (source). I'm terrified that my levels are low enough to endanger our otherwise perfectly healthy baby.

I know some women just have lower progesterone but I don’t feel ready to stop the Endometrin without a real increase.  I only have 1 day of Endometrin left and I just don't feel good about stopping. 

Pregnancy Symptom Round Up

I used to watch those "I didn't know I was pregnant" shows and think okay, I guess it could happen. Maybe she was a little chubby to begin with, had irregular periods, thought she had the flu, there's a lot of excuses. But now, I think I have to call bullshit.

I have had so much funky stuff going on in just the first trimester that I'd have to be living under a rock to not suspect something. I haven't even felt the baby move yet

4 - 6 weeks - crazy sore boobs, pokey nipples, lots heartburn, twinges and cramps, bloating, peeing all the time, hungry

7 - 9 weeks - all day morning sickness, sore boobs, nipples still pokey, occasional round ligament pain, major bloating, peeing all the time, sick if I don't eat frequently

10 - 11 weeks - heartburn is back with a vengeance, nausea thankfully ebbing, sore boobs, round ligament pain, still bloated, still peeing all the time, stomach and organs squashed, sick if I don't eat frequently

Now that the nausea is mostly gone, the heartburn is probably the most noticeable symptom because I have it all day long. Eating, not eating, standing, sitting, it's pretty constant. My acupuncturist and midwife S said in addition to the bloating, my middle is already so large because my organs are being pretty well squished upwards by my uterus so I'm sure that doesn't help either. I'm probably going to bring it up at my next appointment

I've also had some weird cravings for things I don't normally eat. It was meat the first few weeks, but after that it's been chocolate covered almonds, pomegranate juice,  salty chips and most recently cheetos which I don't think I've eaten in the past decade. I also briefly wanted something sweet like a donut, though that craving passed pretty quickly, and I've wanted nothing to do with my favorite vegetables. I couldn't even bring myself to eat my favorite veggie pizza, I took one bite and it was so unappealing I had to put it down. Why doesn't baby want nice, healthy foods full of vitamins? What nutritional value could there possibly be in crunchy cheetos? 

10 Weeks - Bumpin'

I know some women get through early pregnancy without showing, but apparently I am not one of them. I don't know how much of it is Endometrin bloating, or normal pregnancy bloating, all my organs being squished upwards, or just my body being thrilled to finally be pregnant. Either way, my belly has just exploded.

Bam! Baby Bump :)

Granted, I was pretty bloated from the Endometrin before the transfer, and as you can also see, I've put on some major poundage since starting the whole infertility process. But I can't suck this in and I'm pretty sure that bloating is supposed to change day by day and morning to evening, mine doesn't go down, just consistently gets bigger. This baby clearly doesn't want to stay incognito.

Our plan was to wait until after the anatomy scan to begin announcing our pregnancy but with my belly this big at only 10 weeks, who knows what I'll look like at 20 weeks. E is convinced I'm going to be the size of a house and I think he might be right. I don't mind being big already, I love having visual proof that baby is doing what they're supposed to in there, but it is making for some awkward looks from people. Everyone has been too polite to ask anything outright but this little bean is pretty noticable.

As far as the rest of pregnancy is going, my nausea is letting up a bit for which I am so, so grateful. I haven't thrown up in a week now and the constant queasy feeling is ebbing. Unfortunately, in it's place, the heartburn is coming back with a vengeance so tums are my permanent best friend.

Our next opportunity to check in on bean isn't until just before 12 weeks, so in the meantime I'm trying to remind myself that everything is okay, my belly is clearly growing so bean must be growing, even if I can't see them on ultrasound every week.

9 Weeks - Already Dancing

Today marks our official graduation from the fertility clinic! It seems surreal, trying to get pregnant, IUIs, IVF, infertility, it's all consumed our lives for the past 3 years. I can't believe we get to move forward with a real, healthy baby dancing around in my belly.

And boy are they dancing. The ultrasound tech kept having to readjust the cursor to monitor their heartbeat because they kept wiggling around and dancing away. I know it's still a long way off, but I can't wait until they're big enough to feel movement.

As part of our graduation from the clinic, Dr. D gave us copies of all my OB information and our genetics report with our embryo testing data. It turns out that we got one healthy embryo from each cycle and the one I'm currently carrying came from our second cycle, the one we thought had been a bust. All three of our affected embryos were the same gender and came from our first cycle, and our monosomy embie, who is missing part of chromosome 7, came from the second cycle. Knowing this, I'm more grateful than ever that we were able to do two cycles, this little bean wouldn't be here otherwise.

A little gift from the clinic for good luck :)

My labwork also came in from yesterdays Kaiser blood draw and my estrogen, 1565, is high enough that I'm able to stop the Estradiol pills. It is still too early for my placenta to be making tons of progesterone though so they're going to keep me on Endometrin for now. It was 16.9 which is perfect for a natural cycle, but some extra support can't hurt and I've got almost two boxes left anyway. This is pretty much the outcome I was expecting and I'm thrilled that I get to stop the Estradiol, it was making me kind of light headed and made my nausea much worse in the mornings.

Our next appointment is at Kaiser with a doctor we haven't met yet and won't be until 11 weeks 5 days. Waiting that long is going to be so tough after getting used to seeing little bean every week. I can only hope they keep growing and dancing right on schedule and that my nerves can be patient in the meantime.

Grumpy Cat

Since getting our positive, I've noticed some changes in our wonderful pets behavior. Some things are mild and innocuous but others might potentially be cause for concern.

Our boy kitties are solid. They're in a serious bromance and usually don't pay too much attention to the humans since they're too busy grooming and cuddling. Since our positive, they're a little more cuddly, they want to sit on my belly and get pets whenever I'm sitting down in one of their spaces and will seek me out a little more often for attention. Aside from that, they're not concerned with change as long as their meals keep coming on schedule.

Your belly is my new favorite bed

Milou, our soon to be big sister, is a little more protective. She's fine with other people around, loves children, but she's really not loving other dogs in my space. My mother's dog is particularly upsetting for her, she doesn't want him near our "personal" space - my bedroom, her bed, her crate. On Saturday in her agility class, the instructors dominant male dog tried to lean into my side for butt scratches and Milou basically draped herself across my legs and laid in my lap. She usually backs off from him since she's on the submissive side but it was pretty clear she would not be doing so this time. Her mama is off limits. I'm not really concerned about this behavior, it's normal for dogs to get a little more protective when their people are pregnant and she's still perfectly happy with people, both adults, kiddos, and littles.

I might be smiling but I'm not happy about this

I think the wild card here is probably going to be our girl kitty, Button. She's a 100% mamas girl, shy and scared of other people, and she's making it pretty clear that she is Pissed. We've always known she wasn't a huge fan of change, but in the past she's done really well moving houses, accepting new pets, making things work as long as she had her mama. Now, she's quite literally lashing out. For the past few weeks, she's been reaching out with a paw whenever I stop petting her to grab me. Today, I was walking by her cat tree on my way to put away laundry and stopped to pet her. I only gave her quick pets since I had clothes in my hands and on my way back past her tree she reached out and whacked me right in the face. She actually gave me two teensy scratches and I can't remember her ever intentionally scratching me before in the 10 years I've had her. I gave her a stern talking to and she wouldn't even look at me, she is not a happy camper.

Don't let my big eyes fool you, I'm really grumpy right now

I'm not really concerned about Button with a baby, she's an under the bed, in the closet cat who has her little space that she doesn't leave.  I'm fairly sure she's going to keep as far away from baby as possible. But in the meantime, I need to find some way to make her feel secure and loved so she knows these changes are good ones. I can't have her taking swipes at me every time I go by and I don't want her feeling upset and stressed for the rest of the year.