Ten

Ten.

Ten years feels like a mountain. So much can happen in ten years that people had to come up with a name just for ten, a decade, a monument to the sheer force of that which changes. Tens of millions of babies are born, children grow up, people fall in love, people die. Ten years ago E and I decided to go out, but ten years before that I was a little girl in Kindergarten wondering if my Minnie Mouse glasses and eye patch made me different. Ten is so big that it's sometimes hard to wrap our heads around, and then poof, it's gone. You're still listening to Fleetwood Mac while everyone else is talking about Nirvana and come on man, where have you been the past ten years?

 

The past ten years with E have been an incredible collection of moments, the wonderful and the not so wonderful. Holding hands as we walked along the Venice canals to arguing over a croissant until we're blue in the face and ready to tear out our hair. Moments where we were at our best and rose to the occasion, and moments where we reached new, and previously unknown, lows.

Somewhere along the line our relationship evolved. "Yes Ma'am" as he helped me make the bed, let me open that car door and putting on cologne every time we went out became whoops I farted into your seat. Can you help me rip this blister off?  Not remembering what privacy is.

A year in, I still don't know if marriage changed the intimacy of being with each other. I know it made things more real, more clear, like cleaning smudged fingerprints off the glasses that you were already wearing, even if they were too cloudy to see out of. It's given us a drive towards a future that has become so close I can almost touch it and changed the last bit of "me" to "us". 

 

We joke all the time that our honeymoon phase ended in year three.  We moved past the starry eyed, never arguing phase into a place I don't think either of us expected to find ourselves. Who really thinks that they're going to marry their high school sweetheart, that the person you are at 15 will be just as attractive and compatible as the person you are at 25?  That the person you take to prom in his rental suit and grocery store corsage will be the one who waits for you in his tailored suit at the alter?

  

What's even more incredible to me is not that we've changed, but how it happened. Neither of us is the same person we used to be. Our hopes, dreams and goals have evolved. Our strengths and weaknesses adjusted, our sense of humor more refined (or so we'd like to think). We're not the same children we were when we first fell in love, we're not even the same adolescents we were when we reevaluated our relationship with all it's flaws and imperfections and decided we wanted to try and make it work.  But like the elusive word that you just can't find on the tip of your tongue, one breath of the terrible cologne E used to wear at 17 can bring everything crashing back down like it was yesterday.

 

E still makes me laugh like he used to when I was riding in his beat up, oil leaking station wagon. A smile and sweet word still carries my heart into the back of my throat. It was sad to see the days of blushes and hidden bodily functions fade into the past. Everyone likes to be wined and dined, to breathe in and savor that moment of anticipation before he tells you something new or you divulge a special secret. But then you wake up one morning and realize that you're working towards the same future, that you're playing for the same team and no matter how you screw up you have each others back because you have each other and that's all that matters. You become each others secret keeper and story teller and even though you know the words, the ending is just as exciting as the first time you heard it. That's more precious than I could have ever imagined and even though my seat will probably smell like farts tomorrow, I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Happy First and Tenth Anniversary E. Here's to the next ten. Here's to our future.

Happy Birthday Little Lady

Happy First Birthday to my sweet puppy, Milou! We found our little girl in June 2011, when she was about 11 weeks old, but of course it feels like she's always been here.  She really makes E and I feel like a family instead of just a couple since she's our first baby together.

3 Months

12 Months

   

We couldn't ask for a better puppy and are going to be ordering her a new memory foam bed as her birthday present :) Happy Birthday Milou!

Laid Off

Well, it looks like it's finally happening. After hanging it over my head since December, my boss decided to give me my two-ish weeks notice last Friday. It wasn't personal, she loves my work, there just isn't anything left for me to do. I will admit that even though I was expecting it, it sucked worse than I thought it would.

Somehow, I was hoping to stay employed through the summer. E's work is largely seasonal, since it follows the sports calendar, and as of right now he has no work after the end of April. It's going to be a real challenge with both of us unemployed at the same time, and makes me especially grateful that we didn't move out. 

In addition to looking for new work, I'm probably going to be applying to some graduate programs. I'm leaning towards an online MPH program since it would allow me to work and be a stepping stone to an MD/DO or DPH. Does anyone have any insight as to which program would be best? Go for a masters? Go straight for a doctorate?

I'm probably most upset by the way this completely derails our "life plan" which was contingent on me maintaining a consistent source of income. It feels like I'm letting our relationship down.

Sigh.

25 Years

Although this is a little belated, I figured I'd post it anyway since I have so many unpublished entries in my blog graveyard. 

So this past February 5th was my 25th birthday. It's hard to believe that I've hit that quarter of a century milestone when I feel both so much older and so much younger. Twenty five? That's it? Most days I feel about 35, ready for a different stage in life. But then I think wow, twenty five, I'm already a quarter of the way (if I'm lucky) through my life. Only three more of these to go and I don't know if that will be enough. E and I are now closer to 30 than we are 20 and there's so much I want to accomplish before that next milestone rushes up and catches us unawares.

I woke up on my birthday and took care of my sweet Haji. It seems no matter what that cat did, how many shoes he peed in or nights he spent hours stubbornly scratching at basement door in the middle of the night, I could never be anything less than exasperated and amused with him. It hurts even more that losing him was so intimately tied with such an aging milestone, as if I have to embark on the next phase of life and I can't take him with me. After he died, my mom told me she thought his passing signaled the end of my childhood, although I think she was just trying to get in a dig about applying to medical school. I always thought that he too would make it to twenty five, even though in hindsight it was clear he wasn't doing well this past year. If I'd been asked though, I would have never said he'd be gone before his sixteenth birthday.  Missing him feels like not being able to catch my breath around the heaviness in my chest.

After Haji was settled comfortably in his heated bed (at least he had it good right up until the end), I met a friend from out of town for a wonderful and unexpected meal at one of my favorite breakfast places, The Griddle. We got delicious, and massive, cinnamon pancakes which I highly recommend you try with at least one-three other people to help you, and spent the morning catching up on the last few years.  Aside from my wedding, I hadn't seen her since high school and it was wonderful to see how we still clicked even though we're at different places in our lives.

Recess Time Pancakes

Unlike most of my birthdays where I planned every last detail myself, this birthday I left entirely up to E. Although he leaned a little heavily on his mom, he planned a lovely dinner in the Marina and we had an intimate dinner with family and friends. There was, of course, a few things that didn't go quite right. Overly generous C let me order our shared steak rarer than he would eat, there an unnecessary bout of squabbling over who was supposed to be contributing to the bill, but everything sorted itself out in the end. More importantly, I got spend time with E, my awesome friends and my favorite little person ever, Roxie, who took great pleasure in pointing out all the boats on the water and candles in the restaurant.

It was impossible to not have a wonderful birthday evening with such good company. 

Valentine's Day, First and Ten Style

We have done just about everything for Valentine's Day in the almost 10 years we've been together. There were dinners at various low-key favorite restaurants, intimate meals at home, all out splurges on some of LA's finest meals, some years where we just sat around in our PJs, and other less memorable years where we got into teenage fights and spent the night pouting.

Roses <3

 With all that history, Valentine's day tends to not be quite as exciting when you've already celebrated 9 of them.  We tried to celebrate together in Santa Barbara the weekend before, but ended up spending the trip with E's father. We weren't going to make a big deal out of it at home, but since it was our 10th Valentine's together, and our 1st Valentine's married, we decided to go out and brave the Los Angeles Valentine's day traffic and dinner rush.
 
In keeping with our relaxed theme, we gave each other our Valentine's gifts last Friday. I got E a new aftermarket battery for his 2006 Macbook Pro, which is sadly on the verge of dying and probably worth less than the cost of a legit apple battery, and he got me a 2 pound box of chocolate and sea salt carmels that I had been admiring on woot.

Chocolatey Carmel Goodness

  With most of the niceties observed, I wasn't expecting much yesterday but was looking forward to spending some one on one time with E.  I had work all day but E was off, so while I was gone he cleaned the house and bought me a beautiful bouquet of roses (from him) and an adorable stuffed bear with kisses (from our puppy). He also scheduled dinner at one of our favorite, laid back Italian restaurants and got dressed up in the shirt he proposed to me in, complete with the cologne he used to wear when we first started dating. 

Milou's Valentine's Bear

When I finally got home about half an hour late (thanks LA traffic), he presented me with his goodies and I gave him his other Valentine's gifts, a sweet card with puppies whose tails wagged, a giant See's truffle and a bag of his favorite Lindt truffles. We then hauled ass into the car, sat in lots of traffic, and finally made it to the restaurant which was packed to the brim with hungry couples. Since E had been snacking on nothing but goldfish all day in preparation for our dinner, he was famished and on the verge of eating the steering wheel so I wanted to get us seated fast. The soonest available table was one outside under some heat lamps instead of the warm tables inside the restaurant, but we took it and I figured my coat would keep me warm.

Spumoni in Santa Monica

We had been expecting to get our usual, and much loved, pasta dishes to keep the bill low, but as soon as we sat down the waiter presented us with one of those lovely pre-fix Valentine's menus with conspicuously absent prices. This put a bit of a damper on the evening, since my favorite dish wasn't there and we figured we'd end up dropping at least twice our budget. Resigned to our changed plans, E ordered his usual lobster ravioli, which was thankfully on the menu, and I ordered a fillet, which would have been my first choice at any other restaurant had I not been dreaming of spaghetti bolognese. They both came with bruschetta, a marinated pepper salad, and tiramisu or a cannoli.

Mmm Cannoli

About halfway into our salads, the adorable little red sandals I was wearing began to become less adorable and more impractical since all the cold air was blowing up my pant legs. After inquiring about turning up the heaters, which were already at full strength, E slipped off his warm dress shoes under the table and let me wear them for the rest of the meal. I had to keep my toes jammed in the front to keep them from falling off but they warmed me up almost as much as his sweetness did.

Not surprisingly, the food was absolutely delicious and to our happy surprise, turned out to be ridiculously cheap. We could have easily spent more ordering our pasta and Caesar salad without appetizers or desert, so I think Spumoni may have been the only restaurant in LA that didn't hike up their prices for Valentines.

All in all, it was a very successful Valentine's Day and I loved sharing it with E. Even with the changing plans and freezing ankles, I'm really glad we went out and can't help but look forward to another 75 Valentine's Days with my sweetie.

Goodbye Haji Baba

Haji Baba

Prince of Cats

August 1st, 1996 - February 6th, 2012

I Love You

Haji VS The Fence

On Monday, my sweet Haji B tried to jump over our 6ft wood fence. Normally he jumps onto a trash can and then over but the trash cans weren't there that day and he's made the jump from the ground before. When he was younger, he would have sailed over the fence without a problem. As he's gotten older, he's had to scramble a little to make it over the top, but he did it. This time, he got his foot stuck in between two of the wooden slats and hung by his paw for up to an hour before he was discovered.

I arrived home at 5:30pm and he was in the house. Sometime between 5:30 and when we found him at 6:30pm, he got stuck. I was able to free his foot and he didn't appear to be in any pain but when he tried to walk on it, the joint knuckled under him and wouldn't support his weight. I immediately took him to the vet and had some x-rays done, which (luckily? unluckily?) didn't show any readily visible breaks, although feline metacarpals are so tiny it can be difficult to tell. Since it's not broken but it can't support his weight, both the vet and I believe he has nerve damage.

Haji's original bandage

The vet originally put him in a soft but thick bandage and asked us to come back in 10 days. Unfortunately, it was too soft and bent at the joint so we had to go in tonight for a splint. He's on pain medication for nerve pain twice a day and because both casts are cumbersome, he has to be cared for like an infant. He has to be fed, watered, pottied, medicated, washed and put to bed. If he wants o change positions we have to move him. Needless to say, it's doing nothing to improve his ego or dignity but he's taking it like a champ.

Nerve damage typically takes between 8-10 months to heal so we're looking at some hard core rehab once his new splint comes off. I'm looking into acupuncture and supplements to see if there's anything I can do to stimulate nerve healing and give him an edge in the healing process. He seems bound and determined to walk on it so I think we're both willing to put in the work.

Haji enjoying a nice swaddle with his new light saber

Happy New Year!

The other night E came into the bedroom and said something like "Man I hope next year is better, this year has been rough". He was referring, of course, to the stress of my job and my impending lay off. It's sort of put a damper on the end of our year and overshadowed everything else that's happened.

I quickly reminded him of all the good things that have happened this year:

- We got married!
- We got Milou!
- We saved money!
- We didn't get pregnant! This means we're 3 months away from winning my family's bet!
- Our friends had beautiful babies!
- We got, and paid off, a new laptop!

Admittedly, things have been pretty stressful from July - December. We had to put down our beloved family dog Pippin. We got two puppies, one of whom is a handful. I started a full time job which cut down on the amount of time I had to manage the house and E had to take over a lot of domestic things. Haji B's has been ill, we've gotten chubby, my laptop died, E's car is on it's way out, I'm now getting laid off etc etc. It's been both a wonderful and difficult year and we need to remind ourselves to focus on the good stuff.

This new year I'd like to...
- Figure out the job thing
- Figure out the school thing
- Loose weight, again...sigh...maybe I'll keep it off for once
- Save up lots of money
- Train the dog
- Be healthy and happy