Day Two of Stims!

Today was day two of my stim injections and I think I'm finally getting back in the swing of things. The first day was a little tough, I felt unexpectedly nervous and my heart was pounding in anticipation of the Menopur burn. It was pretty much exactly as I remembered it though, and by this morning it felt routine again.

Now that I've tried a few of the new medications for this cycle, I'm starting to get a feel for how everything works in practice. Thus far:

• Omnitrope (HGH) - this is one bubbly sucker. The solution is really fragile, you're not supposed to shake it and it bubbles at the slightest provocation. This can be a pain in the ass but since I got the cartridge vials and not the 5.8 vial I'd have to mix like the Menopur, I'm not complaining. I have to draw it back and inject it with the same needle which does dull it slightly, and I do have a small bruise at my first injection site. I also have some heat and soreness at my injection site this evening but I can't tell if its from the Menopur or the Omnitrope since I injected them on the same side. I do morning injections (4 Menopur) on the right, and evening ones on the left (4 Menopur and 0.25 HGH). I might switch things up tomorrow and inject the Omnitrope on the right to give my left side a break.

The cartridge vial is so skinny, but you can still draw pretty well from the rubber stopper at the top.

• European Menopur - I decided not to use the glass ampoules that came with the EU Menopur since I have a ton, like 5 boxes, of the sodium chloride vials left. I tried to give the Q-caps a shot and they do fit on the EU vials, but the rubber stopper in them isn't ideally shaped to extract all the liquid. I have to use the big mixing needles to get every last drop and it takes a bit longer to do. I also had a nervous scare when I combined cold sodium chloride with room temp EU Menopur powder and it turned instantly cloudy. Cloudy Menopur is supposed to be bad Menopur but since it cleared up after about 30-45 seconds, I deemed it okay.

You can see the hole in the rubber stopper is only in the center of the stopper, which means liquid can pool around the sides. The US vials have a long slit to better capture liquid from all sides.

I can already tell my belly is going to be bruised and poked and sore once this cycle is over. Three - four injections is a lot for a day and I'm going to run out of places to stick the needles since they all have to be injected in the same area. I can't rotate between belly, thighs, butt, etc, they all go into the same section of my lower belly. Owie. 

IVFMeds.com had good news, my second package finally shipped! It ended up going out two days later than it was supposed to which necessitated 2 more phone calls to customer service asking why I hadn't received tracking info yet. I would have liked it to go out sooner but if it travels like the first one did, I should have it in time. The customer service rep also said that if my medication didn't come in time, they'd reimburse me the difference between their cost and the cost of the vials I'd have to buy locally. It was a really nice offer but I'm hoping I won't have to take them up on it.

I also got a good convo in with Reprogenetics and they've put my blood and saliva kits into the mail. I have to send in a vial of my blood, a saliva sample from my mother and my sister, and a single premium IUI vial of our donor. They were originally requesting two vials (~$2,000) but their lab agreed we could go with one since these are really high yield vials instead of the low yield kind they'd usually be sent for PGD. That saves me an extra $1000 which is excellent, every little bit helps!

The First (Injection) is the (Hardest), Baby I Know

After the disaster of an afternoon, I was hoping to relax, take my amazingly donated Menopur and lay low. I laid everything out as instructed and began mixing all my vials.

One dose of Menopur

Since my ovaries are unlikely to respond well to stimulation, I'm taking 4 vials of menopur in 1cc of sodium chloride. The Menopur comes with this awesome little Q cap that allows you to draw up the liquid, inject it into the first vial of powder, mix it up, draw up the liquid, inject it into the next vial and so on and so forth. I'm taking 4 vials, so I do that 4 times.

This process I'm very comfortable with.  I've worked in several different labs and I mixed everything up methodically and with little thought. Sterilize the tops, mix the liquid, prep the syringe and pop on the needle. It was a perfect syringe, no bubbles, precisely measured and ready to go. Except this time, I wouldn't be injecting a mouse or one of my cats, I'd be injecting my own pinched belly.

I took a breath, moved the needle close to my sterilized skin, counted 1, 2, 3 and Lost. My. Shit.  I deal with our infertility by intellectualizing it, researching, and telling myself we'll be a positive statistic. After today, all my emotions were lurking just below the surface and I couldn't distance myself. I looked at that needle and the full weight of everything we're going through, the very likely possibility of having to terminate the baby conceived with some other woman's generously donated Menopur, hit me smack in the face. I completely broke down, started sobbing, and had to put the cap back on my injection.

Teensy needle, why do you (emotionally) hurt so much?

I texted E, who was wonderfully sweet and supportive, but who wouldn't be home from work until after 11. I paced, I cried, I tried to settle myself down with some music, but nothing was working. The first IUI appointment, the pharmacy problems and my mother's questioning weakened my barriers enough for one, tiny little needle to break down my carefully built walls like a bulldozer.  It was bad.

I'd say it took me about an hour to stop crying, pull my shit together and just give myself the shot. Four sequences of sterilizing, uncapping, pinching, recapping, crying, and attempting to process what this little shot symbolizes before I could take control and do it.

Realistically, these Sub Q injections aren't bad. The needle is so tiny and sharp that you barely feel it going in. Actually injecting the liquid is fairly uncomfortable, you have to go really, really, really slowly, and it dose burn a little as well. Overall it was slightly physically uncomfortable but not horrible, and probably wouldn't be too bad emotionally if you aren't brutally shoving your feelings down in an attempt to cope. The spot is still sore a hour later, so I wouldn't go to the gym right after, but it's nothing terrible.

Advice for those just starting out: The shot doesn't hurt badly, but if you're not emotionally coping with your infertility, have someone help you with the first injection.