TWO BABIES To Be Thankful For!

We got our results a day early! We have TWO HEALTHY EMBRYOS! TWO!

We followed statistics for my mutation transmission almost exactly. We had a 50/50 shot of the embryos being healthy and we sent in 6 embryos. 3 of the 6 tested were mutation free, but unfortunately one of those 3 had a tiny chromosomal deletion. I asked if there was any way this frostie might still be viable but Dr. D said that with deletions like this, there are usually other segments or things missing as well. This makes me so grateful we decided to add on the PGS, without it we wouldn't have found out that this frostie is sick and would have had a heartbreaking miscarriage or worse, might have had to terminate for defects incompatible with life.

I'm so relieved, I feel like I'm going to cry and possibly be sick at the same time. We still have a long way to go, these babies need to stick! but we're so much closer to actually holding a healthy baby. After seeing so many of these cycles yield nothing to transfer, I'm so, so happy we have healthy babies to transfer.

We are all made of stars

Dr. D needs to confirm it, but it looks like one embryo came from our first batch and one from the second. They're both hatching blasts and although Dr. D told us the genders, we've decided to keep it a surprise. We'd really like at least one thing to be normal about our pregnancy process and since nothing else has been, this is going to be it.

After getting the good news, I asked Dr. D whether he thought we should proceed with our frozen transfer or whether he thought we needed to cycle again and try to get more embryos. They usually say (without PGS) that you need 2-3 embryos per child you'd like to have, and since E and I would love 2-3, but would be happy with any at this point, I knew with only 2/6 that we might need to cycle again. As I've said before, we don't know how quickly my fertility is going downhill but we definitely know it is going. I was ready to hear that we'd need to do this whole process again but Dr. D feels that with my age, if we need IVF again in the near future I should still be young enough to produce some good eggs. I'm not sure if I agree because FXPOI complicates things in ways not reflected by age but I'm going with it.

We have so much to be thankful for this year that I'm overwhelmed thinking about it all. I'm thankful for E and our friendship and marriage, going through this is incredibly difficult and I think it's amazing that we've been able to stay strong and united. I'm thankful for all our friends and family members, who have been incredibly supportive and have helped us stay sane thus far, especially through all the mind numbing waiting. I'm thankful for Dr. D and SCRC for helping us get these two embryos, who with any luck will both be coming home with us as two healthy babies. I'm thankful for IVF and especially for PGD, I'm so grateful that we live in a time where we have the tools and technology to create and screen embryos for so many horrible diseases. And I'm so, so thankful for the two healthy embryos, our two little fighters, who for the first time have given us a real shot at a healthy family.

With a whole lot of hope, wishing, crossed fingers, science and love, we will have a healthy baby in our arms this time next year.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope you have a wonderful holiday with all of your loved ones.

Decision Made!

After going back and forth a million times, doubting pretty much every aspect of our decision making process, making up our minds and then doubting things again, we've finally made our decision. I'm still not sure this is the right move and I feel a little sick to my stomach over the money we're about to spend, but this is it. Without further ado, we have decided to pursue IVF with....

Southern California Reproductive Center

Ultimately, I think SCRC and HRC would both be excellent centers. A part of our decision ended up being that I can't seem to get the billing department at HRC to call me back to discuss our Kaiser PGD coverage. I really liked Dr. Kolb and I think he would have been a good doctor. However, our PGD coverage will save us about $8,000 and I can't work with a center that won't accommodate that.  They said they'd be willing to work with me, no problem, but then never called me back. That doesn't seem to be a good start to such an important relationship and it played a part in us ultimately choosing SCRC. Dr. Danzer called me after our consult to see if I had questions and has replied to every attempt I've made to talk with him. He's definitely got the personal touch down.

SCRC is also a lot closer to our home than HRC. It will only take us 10 minutes to get to appointments and the staff has been much better about getting back to me. They have an excellent success rate with PGD and are considered a top center here in LA. We're proceeding with the same plan we would have gone with at either center and I officially started the suppression phase this morning. 

Going forward, we're proceeding with:

- The first freeze all IVF cycle with biopsy samples sent to Reprogenetics

- A second freeze all IVF cycle with biopsy samples sent to Reprogenetics

- PGD at Reprogenetics on all embryos 

- A FET with either one or two embryos

I'm hoping against hope that we get lots of wonderful, healthy embryos and that our first FET is successful. In the meantime, there's still a ton of stuff for me to do:

• Apply for Compassionate Care program and First Steps to get financial help.  We were approved for the minimum amount, 5% and 10%, but I'll take whatever we can get.
• Follow up with Reprogenetics. The billing manager needs a letter of agreement from Kaiser but the Kaiser lady has been on Jury Duty and then the billing manager went on vacation Friday to Monday. On Tuesday, both should be back in the office and I should get my letter. 
• I need to order a very large amount of sperm. SCRC wants two vials, Reprogenetics wants two vials, and I'm thinking we should have another two on ice to ensure our donor remains available to us. That's 6 vials for roughly $5,000.
• Meet with the financial adviser at SCRC to officially sign the paperwork and pay the nonrefundable $18,230.00 fee for our two cycles. As the cycles progress, we will pay separately for medication, ICSI (which is required for PGD), PGD biopsy (which includes assisted hatching) and our FET. 
• Submit the paperwork to Reprogenetics. I've been waiting on the letter of approval so I know what my portion will be. I think we're going to pay for the additional chromosome testing.
• Send DNA samples from myself, my mother and my sister to Reprogenetics for the creation of our probe.
• Pay to have two vials of sperm shipped to Reprogenetics for the creation of our probe.
• Pick up and bring two vials to SCRC and pay the $500 storage fee to have them stored there. 
• Pick up and pay for my first round of medication. 

This is such a huge decision. After a lot of discussion we've decided to accept some of the offered financial support from our families. It makes me a bit uncomfortable but if it's what is necessary to have children, it's just something we're going to have to get comfortable with. 

Can you tell how nervous/anxious/ahhh I am? It's like a miniature tornado churning in my insides. I'm not actually worried about the process itself, I'm a pro at injecting myself and the retrieval is just another procedure for me, but I'm terrified that this might not work. I'm terrified we're going to spend $40,000 and not have any viable embryos to show for it. I'm terrified that E will get completely discouraged and we will be done. I'm terrified that maybe he's not ready after all, that he's feeling just some of what I'm feeling, even though we're in this together and he says he's okay. I'm terrified of failing and never having children.

The only thing I can do is cross everything I have, rub every lucky rabbit foot and Buddha belly I come across, project every good vibe/thought/energy I can muster out into the world and hope with everything I've got that my body cooperates and we are able to create healthy, viable, life.