Pregnancy Symptom Round Up

I used to watch those "I didn't know I was pregnant" shows and think okay, I guess it could happen. Maybe she was a little chubby to begin with, had irregular periods, thought she had the flu, there's a lot of excuses. But now, I think I have to call bullshit.

I have had so much funky stuff going on in just the first trimester that I'd have to be living under a rock to not suspect something. I haven't even felt the baby move yet

4 - 6 weeks - crazy sore boobs, pokey nipples, lots heartburn, twinges and cramps, bloating, peeing all the time, hungry

7 - 9 weeks - all day morning sickness, sore boobs, nipples still pokey, occasional round ligament pain, major bloating, peeing all the time, sick if I don't eat frequently

10 - 11 weeks - heartburn is back with a vengeance, nausea thankfully ebbing, sore boobs, round ligament pain, still bloated, still peeing all the time, stomach and organs squashed, sick if I don't eat frequently

Now that the nausea is mostly gone, the heartburn is probably the most noticeable symptom because I have it all day long. Eating, not eating, standing, sitting, it's pretty constant. My acupuncturist and midwife S said in addition to the bloating, my middle is already so large because my organs are being pretty well squished upwards by my uterus so I'm sure that doesn't help either. I'm probably going to bring it up at my next appointment

I've also had some weird cravings for things I don't normally eat. It was meat the first few weeks, but after that it's been chocolate covered almonds, pomegranate juice,  salty chips and most recently cheetos which I don't think I've eaten in the past decade. I also briefly wanted something sweet like a donut, though that craving passed pretty quickly, and I've wanted nothing to do with my favorite vegetables. I couldn't even bring myself to eat my favorite veggie pizza, I took one bite and it was so unappealing I had to put it down. Why doesn't baby want nice, healthy foods full of vitamins? What nutritional value could there possibly be in crunchy cheetos? 

7 weeks 2 days - Second Ultrasound

Eeeee, this weeks ultrasound actually resembles a tiny person! I think I can even see the hint of a face there,  little bean is looking at us with their face turned slightly towards our right. Their heart was fluttering away, I think the tech said 148bpm, but it's still too early to hear it out loud. If we're lucky, we should be able to hear it next week at our first Kaiser ultrasound.

Everything is looking really good thus far but I do have a tiny SCH to the right of the baby. Both the doctor and tech said it's really small and not anything to worry about, they're super common with IVF and I haven't had any spotting or bleeding. I'm already taking things really easy since I'm nauseous all day long and not up for anything, but they told me to take it even easier if possible.

As far as symptoms go, thus far the biggest challenge has probably been the morning sickness. I'm still having difficulty keeping down my Estrace, prenatal, aspirin and probiotic in the morning but Dr. D isn't overly concerned because my body seems to be making a good amount of estrogen on its own. Every time I find myself hugging the toilet, my first thought is always that I'm so grateful to be pregnant. It's a totally weird paradox to feel so miserable and grateful at the same time, I may be puking up this slice of toast/banana/random bland food but it's because little bean is doing everything right and growing strong.

Along with the morning sickness I've got the ever present crazy sore boobs and extreme bloating. My belly is so large that I can't hide it in regular clothing, for only being 7 weeks it sure looks a lot more like 7 months! It has me wondering whether the bloating will go down before the baby starts to legitimately bump or if there will just be a seamless transition between bloaty belly and baby belly. I don't mind either way, it's just leading to some awkward looks from people thankfully too polite to say anything about my massive tum. I'm not sure how long I can pass our little bean off as tacos lol.

6 weeks 6 days - Intake Appointment

Oh man, this is one I'm typing up through some serious queasiness. Even though it's super early, S asked me to pick a hospital and pre-register so I could get on the calendar for prenatal appointments. The hospital choice was a difficult one, more difficult I think because of our location. We live about 5 minutes from Kaiser A. They're a smaller Kaiser but I absolutely love my OB, who is the head of the department there. Unfortunately, they don't really have a rated NICU (it's not even on the state list) and my OB is the only OB I'd want to deliver with there. S wants me very much to deliver and receive care at Kaiser B.

Kaiser B is about 30 min - 1 hour from our house which is a pain in the butt. It's a larger Kaiser with what is considered to be the best labor and delivery unit and a NICU. I had originally planed to go with my awesome OB at Kaiser A but after weighing all the options, it seemed like a better and safer bet to go with Kaiser B, even if it means giving up my beloved OB. The chances of actually delivering with your OB aren't great and I'd be pretty upset if I couldn't have her. S is a Nurse Midwife at Kaiser B and her partner midwife is also supposedly wonderful along with the OBs. If I have any sort of emergency, I can always go to the closer Kaiser A but everything scheduled will take place at Kaiser B.

The next step was actually making the appointment which was mentally harder than it should have been. It felt a lot like tempting fate and I was really hesitant to make those kinds of plans with a pregnancy this new, but I finally went ahead and had my intake appointment today.

This appointment started out with lots of questions answered via tablet. They were mostly basic pregnancy and health questions so it was kind of cool to get them out of the way without wasting my face to face time with the nurse. Once I got to her, we were able to focus entirely on our story and the calendar.  Holy balls was S right about the calendar.

After explaining about our IVF journey and briefly discussing the available prenatal screening options, the nurse opened up "THE CALENDAR" and proceeded to book me for the next 4 months. And she wasn't just booking me to get ahead, there were practically no appointments left for the date ranges I needed! I asked to try and have my appointments with S but she was only available for my July and August appointments. I also needed an OB since I'm not delivering with my wonderful Kaiser A one, so this nurse booked me with the head of this labor and delivery unit. Then, since I'm over 25 and I'm an even chubbier chubster than usual thanks to IVF, the nurse had me take the gestational diabetes screening test.

(Source)

OMG this stuff was disgusting. It tastes like some sort of burning, chemical orange soda and is in no way, shape or form morning sickness friendly. It's now been over 6 hours since I drank it and I still feel sicker to my stomach than normal, and my intestines are making all sorts of angry noises. I somehow managed to choke it down and not vomit, finished up the appointment and then went to have my blood drawn an hour after the drink. I guess the nurse didn't see my previously updated STD panel in my chart that I just did for the clinic so she ordered another full panel along with the glucose and urine test. 10 vials of blood after drinking the Glucola and not being able to drink water or throw up? Not fun. 

My next appointment with Kaiser is in just a week or so to have my physical and first Kaiser ultrasound. Luckily, we won't actually have to wait that long to see our little bean since our next clinic appointment is this weekend.  Two ultrasounds in less than a week? We're going to get spoiled :) This time I just need to remember to ask E to get some video footage for me.

6 weeks 4 days - Morning Sickness

It has begun! I've been feeling queasy for a couple of days but today was the first day I actually threw up. I woke up feeling nauseous and was just getting out the crackers to see if nibbling helped when I had to run for the bathroom. It seemed to be entirely bile but my big worry is the medication - I take my estradiol, aspirin, prenatal, and probiotic first thing since the Estradiol is time sensitive and taken every 12 hours. If I throw up the medication, which I'm not even sure how I'd track since it dissolves so quickly, do I need to repeat the dose?

(Source)

I called the nurse to ask and she said I'd need to repeat my lab work at the end of the week to see if my numbers are falling. It's not helpful if I throw up 15 minutes after taking my pills but we don't want to overdose since estrogen is a powerful hormone. I know 80% of women get morning sickness but my clinic seems to be a bit fussier about it. They asked me to try preggie pops and call back in 48 hours to report on the puking, which I hopefully will not be repeating.

Still, it's a small, welcome price to pay to have this little embie on board :) Anything for this little bean!

Over Achiever on Board!

We had our wonderful ultrasound yesterday and we officially have one over achiever on board! And a tired, slightly nauseous mama lol. Our little bean is growing right on time, they correctly measured 6 weeks 1 day yesterday which is fabulous and much to my amazed surprise, we actually saw a tiny heart beating away!

Everything looked good, the sac, yolk sac, fetal pole and tiny flickering heart. Now that we've seen a heart beat, even though it's only 6 weeks, Dr. D says that our miscarriage risk has dropped to 5%. It felt great to hear him say that but the anxiety is still there. Our next check in will probably be next week and I think I'm going to ask E to video the screen so I can peak back at that heartbeat whenever I want to.

Hi little bean :)

I hope one little bean means an easy, healthy pregnancy. I'm feeling a good deal of queasiness but haven't thrown up so I consider that a win. The bloating is also getting even more noticeable, even from last week to this week. Our embie is still tucked way behind my pubic bone but with all the progesterone I'm shoving up my girly bits, my stomach is huuuuuuge. I'm already getting looks from people side-eying my belly but my lips are sealed, we're planning to keep things under wraps for quite some time. I don't think we'll be announcing even a hint until after all our genetic testing and our anatomy scan at 20 weeks.

15dp5/6dt - Am I Pregnant Today?

This morning, I slept in an extra hour and 45 minutes. I took a test, because I do every morning now, and the test line had somewhat crappy dye uptake. I ate left overs for breakfast, ate a real lunch and tried to snack all day long. I still had heartburn, I don't think I can do anything else about that, but I wasn't starving and I didn't get super exhausted.

Most people would say that's an improvement, a good day because I stayed ahead of things and felt pretty good. For me, with infertility PTSD, my first instinct is to assume there's something wrong.

What if my pregnancy is a chemical?

What if there were two and I'm losing one?

What if my HCG is too high and it's a molar pregnancy? 

What if I'm not pregnant anymore?

After everything we've been through, even with no real supportive evidence, I can't help but assume that something is/will go wrong. I don't know how to relax or how to believe that I'm really pregnant and this worked. How to accept that crappy dye uptake on a STILL POSITIVE pregnancy test could mean anything other than the test is cheap. What kind of crazy person assumes that they've lost a pregnancy because they're not super exhausted that day? It couldn't possibly be the almost 2 extra hours of sleep I got, nooooo. There must be something wrong.

I don't know when this anxiety goes away. When we make it past 12 weeks? When we make it to viability? When I actually have them safely in my arms? Will it ever go away or will it follow me into motherhood, sneaking up in the middle of the night, telling me to check my child(ren)'s breathing? Infertility has been our reality for so long, it colors everything I do.

I'm trying to take things one day at a time. I wish I could look through a peep hole into my uterus to to make sure everything is okay in there. I don't think I can wait 2 more weeks for an ultrasound to see if there are actually bab(ies) in there or if this has all been some sort of cruel joke.

12dp5/6dt - Early Pregnancy Symptoms

Our trip to San Diego is winding down and I'm chilling in the hotel lobby since we had to check out of our room for the next guest. I was walking around the Gaslamp district, window shopping and sampling delicious snacks when the exhaustion hit and my body decided it's time for a nap.

I know I'm only like 2 seconds along but I have to say the pregnancy symptoms are real. Early first trimester ladies, I believe you.  Whatever combination of HCG, progesterone and estrogen that is currently marinating my brain is enough to make a noticeable difference in daily life. Far from finding it annoying, I'm actually relishing each little symptom that reminds me we really have a little embryo in there. They're real :)

Now since I've never been pregnant naturally, I don't know how much of the noticeable stuff is due to the embryo and HCG and how much is a side effect of the progesterone. 

The biggie for me is fatigue. After walking around or doing anything, I need a nap. I'm peeing all the time, which isn't too far out of the norm, and I'm noticing a little queasiness, heartburn and some burpy-ness when I wait too long to eat. I'm also crazy hungry, especially in the mornings when I don't usually like to eat.  My belly is still massive, but that's definitely the progesterone since our embie is still tucked behind my pubic bone. The weirdest is probably a little pregnancy brain. This one I really didn't believe, but I'm having little moments where I forget something stupid that I'd never forget. Those are the most obnoxious because I'm not a forgetful person and I really don't want to be. 

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As it turns out, I was too tired to actually post this earlier, oops. Now we're back home, safe and sound, and I'll admit that the first thing I did when I walked through the door was pee on a stick.

Thank goodness it's still positive. I didn't have any tests with me in San Diego and it was killing me to not know what was going on in there and if my HCG is still going up. Tomorrow morning is our second beta and with that line getting darker, I have my hopes up that our number will be good. Betas double ever 48-72 hours so our number should come back at least 800.  I hope our little over achiever is doing their stuff!