Growing new life is such a fragile thing. An incredibly complex process where so many things can go wrong, it's amazing that any of us are here. Even when development looks smooth, one foot can slide out of place and the entire dance is lost. Her loss is a sobering reminder that anything can happen. I hope she and her family are able to get some answers, grieve and heal.
E and I are still so early in our process that it's difficult to accept it and believe that everything is alright. I look at the birth boards and groups I should be joining for January babies and it looks like a different world - a place were people get pregnant easily, where genetic carriers and IVF/PGD don't exist, where all pregnancies yield a healthy baby. I don't belong there. I still expect to walk into the ultrasound and see empty sacs or have someone jump out and say "just kidding!".
The anxiety has been tough lately, throwing me off because I'm not usually an anxious person, and I know I need to work harder on living "today". Anything can happen tomorrow, we could have a healthy baby or babies, empty sacs, a miscarriage at 14 weeks - but today I AM pregnant. Two lines keep showing up every morning, even when the test is a crappy one (I'm looking at you 15dp6dt test - damn your crappy dye lot!).
Today I am exactly 5 weeks pregnant. According to the www.ivf.ca calculator, cardiac contractions should have begun yesterday in our teeny tiny embryo(s). As long as everything is going okay in there, we should be able to see a heart beat around the 18th. I can't wait to see that tiny flicker.
