Day 2: Cautiously Hopeful

I've been having a really tough time staying positive and hopeful for our two little embies. So much is riding on these little guys making it that it's impossible for me to not be scared of a poor outcome.

Somehow, it appears that our embryos are taking a much more positive outlook on things. The embryologist was feeling quite sorry for us and all our empty follicles, so even though he doesn't usually do a day two check, he decided to look in and see how our embies are growing. The results were really encouraging, both embies appear to be high quality and they're growing strong and even. One was already 5 cells at day 2 and the other was just behind it with 4 cells. At this point last time we had some embryos that were only 2 cells so a 5 and a 4 are really wonderful.

I know I've mentioned before that E and I originally decided to just do two IVF cycles before turning to donor eggs. That plan was based largely on cost, each cycle is $20,000 and two is already an incredible amount of money. But then we had this cycle, and it was so far off that I think E is having to come around a little to the idea that we might need a third.

E has a hard time watching me go through these cycles, even though I think I do pretty darn well with fairly minimal side effects. Watching my stomach bloat up like a balloon and seeing it covered in bruises from all those tiny needles upsets him and he's been pretty set on just two cycles till now. After I woke up in recovery it took a little while for Dr. D to come out and give us our count. I know now it's because he was asking the embryologist to check and double check for more eggs but at the time we were expecting good news. It's hard to remember what happened once he told us we only got two eggs, the anesthesia makes you a bit foggy for a little while, but I know I cursed, turned to E and he told me not to worry, that nothing was off the table at this point and that we'd do whatever needed to be done.

Still, if we do need a third, I don't know where I'm going to find another $20,000.  Before all of this we were saving to buy our first house which is no easy feat in Los Angeles where a tiny two bedroom 900 square foot place runs 600k+. This is another one of those moments where I so, so wish that our insurance would cover IVF, I feel like there would be so much less pressure if we could just focus on the medicine instead of the price tag.